PERSONAL ESSAYS
Heart of Glass

 

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I read Bridget Jones's Diary at the age of sixteen, I thought I had found my salvation. By my senior year in high school, I felt like I had already had my share of crappy dating experiences, from the kid I dated freshman year who insisted on always wearing his varsity jacket when he had lettered in marching band, to the junior spring dance where I thought a secret admirer had bought me a ticket, only to publicly find out that it was an administrative glitch and I still owed $10 to get in. These experiences could have sucked, except, as I learned from all my pop-culture single role models, from the hapless Bridget to the outwardly glamorous and inwardly neurotic Sex and the City ladies, dates should suck. It seemed to me, that the more intelligent and self-possessed a chick-lit heroine, the less she can navigate traditional boy-meets-girl setups. But that's all part of her imperious charm, until she finds the guy who falls in love with her winsome neuroses.

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I ended up going to an all-female college, which further complicated my ideas about dating. There, as confused and lonely freshmen, my suitemates and I bonded through our mutual obsession with the frat guys from a college twenty minutes away. We often drove there just to bump into one of them coming out of class. After doing this for several months, I scored a date with one of them. I saw this as proof that that my ridiculously over-the-top persistence was effective, and I wanted to prolong the situation. When we ended the evening at his apartment, I explained to him that I was a virgin. "But I really want you to fuck me," I said, as I wiggled out of my jeans, already imagining how jealous my suitemates would be. "Okay," he said, visibly weirded out.

I never heard from him again, but I didn't care. In the chick-lit novel I was crafting in my mind, I was the fuck-'em-all girl who didn't follow the rules. If I didn't try to date, or deliberately sabotaged the process, I couldn't fail. None of my friends would know how terrified I was of interacting with guys. Because I didn't measure up to my friends in terms of attractiveness, I believed that fucking was the only way to keep myself on the same page.

With each date, I felt the stakes get higher.

When I graduated, I kept my circle of female friends from college, worked with all women and lived with two female roommates. It was hard not to objectify men when I only interacted with them as hookups. Going out on weekends, not knowing where I would wake up, made me feel adventurous. I loved everything associated with fucking — the danger, the uncertainty, a story to tell the girls. Occasionally, a guy would ask for my number. I'd let the message go to voicemail, then delete it after playing it aloud for my friends.

Sometimes, I would go on actual dates, usually with a friend of a friend, always with a sense of obligation. Actual dating — being picked up at my apartment, going to a restaurant that was never quite right, trading life stories — seemed so banal. With each date, I felt the stakes get higher. Fucking on the first date meant he wouldn't call again, so I wouldn't have to veer from my well-rehearsed script.

"I can't believe it just took one beer to make you come home with me!" one guy said the next morning with a mix of amazement and self-congratulation. I just smiled. We hooked up every Saturday or Sunday for a few months, but we were never dating. Instead, I would end up at his apartment after midnight, usually when one or both of us were drunk. We would sleep together, then have a rambling conversation about our lives, which didn't intersect anywhere except his bed. When one of these late-night discussions revealed that he was actively dating other girls, I was surprised by how upset I became.

My friend Melissa, who conducts her dates with unflinching rigidity (she won't even stay for a drink with a guy if she doesn't see a three-date-minimum potential), was appalled at my haphazard approach to men.

"You're not supposed to sleep with them right away!" she said, as if explaining something revelatory. "They 'll never be interested in you." That wasn't the point. I hadn't wanted them to be interested in me. I didn't want to worry about their opinions. Instead, I wanted to call the shots until a guy came along who would totally and effortlessly understand me. I hated how much my casual-hookup guy had become that ideal in my mind. For the first time in my life, I admitted to myself that I was actually seeking a relationship.

 

        

Commentarium (91 Comments)

May 24 07 - 7:49pm
B.W.

I loved this story. It's a great description of being between the "script" and a hard place. We all go there if we have any imagination at all, but few live to tell about it. Write on.

Jun 03 11 - 7:43am
sonny machanic

i am lookingin temprary women for god time

May 24 07 - 8:49pm
S.F.

There are two things conspicuously missing from this story. One is any evidence of concern for the people on the receiving end of this treatment. The other is anything that makes it sound like this -- dating online, hooking up -- might be, y'know, fun. The writer sounds like someone who's profoundly depressed, so much so that she's incapable of much in the way of empathy. (Or maybe I'm reversing cause and effect? Either way, it makes me sad.) Viewing other people with a little more compassion can go a surprisingly long way towards making life more fun.

May 24 07 - 10:04pm
guy

Can I have your number?

May 25 07 - 12:59pm
SS

This essay made me feel unbelievably sad.

May 25 07 - 8:23am
KOC

Huh. Not sure what to think of this--on one hand, it is excruciatingly honest and well written, but on the other--aww! I want to give this girl a hug.

Jun 03 11 - 7:52am
sonny machanic

ok im redy

May 25 07 - 11:54am
KFG

First off, I'm male. When I started reading your article my immediate reaction was, "Hot damn, this girl is FUCKED," but somewhere in the middle of it my perception did a complete 180. You're not fucked at all (figuratively anyway). I applaud you for embracing, enjoying and valuing your independence. Too many ignorant fools are all too willing to blindly surrender to the codependency dance that seems to define the modern relationship. You don't want to have asinine small-talky bullshit conversations with strangers? Good for you! You just want some hot dick action? Great! Go get some. Just do yourself one favor and stop judging yourself and/or comparing yourself to your friends. Maybe, as you said, when the person and place are right you'll settle into a relationship. Or maybe you've got some deep-rooted childhood intimacy issues that need to be worked out. Either way, its all good. It sounds like you've got a strong head on your shoulders - trust it.

May 25 07 - 6:52pm
MJF

I have to agree with KFG. The only thing wrong with what you're doing is that you seem to feel horribly guilty. Maybe you don't know exactly what you want, but if you know what makes you feel good, then do that, and cut yourself some slack. Of course, most of us guys would love know someone like you, so understand that we might have a bias. But really, you have your friends and you have your lovers; what's wrong with that?

May 26 07 - 3:10am
LBC

I applaud the hell out of your honesty. As a girl who's had her share of no-strings sex, and not always been at peace with that, I know it's good to tell the truth... Personally, I don't think playing games is ever going to get you anywhere. Gotta find the balance between honesty and self-destructive behavior, methinks... good luck.

May 26 07 - 10:00am
klk

Hey, the first 20 years of my sex life, were, for the most part, a series of one (or two or three, but with no intention of "dating") night stands, interspersed with a few anomaly relationships. The sex-only relationships were ultimately more satisfying and more instructive; the "real" relationships only brought out expectations, followed by guilt and insecurities, that I couldn't--and never really wanted to--live up to. Here's to women experimenting with their sexuality until they find what they're looking for--men have been doing it for centuries!

May 29 07 - 12:42am
DH

Boring

May 28 07 - 1:00pm
P.A.

I'll have to agree with S.F. (I'm a girl btw) The writer does seem to see herself in a deprecating light and brings her dates down with her without giving them a second chance, or a benefit of the doubt.

Also...things sound good for the writer and the fuck buddy.

May 28 07 - 2:10pm
dh

This is a question for the male readers: Men I know have viewed their one-night stands as fun. Someone who only does one-night stands, say into their 30s, still enviable but also a little sad. But are there men who, at any point, consistently attach this much pain and doubt to their one-nighters?

May 28 07 - 4:57pm
kr

what a truly sad story. i think you should take a break from dating as well as casual hookups for a while, maybe a long while, until you learn to love yourself.

May 28 07 - 8:54pm
lm

I don't think it's sad--I think it's a frank, well written declaration of independence from a girl who's not willing to settle . . . good for her!

May 28 07 - 11:44pm
KG

wow- I'm 35 and have been in angst over dating for years. I know how to date "correctly" but I continually sabotage dates by being willing to get naked. That ensures that I don't have to play the game.

I appreciate the article. It's nice to know we're not alone.

May 29 07 - 4:49am
Thom

Sucks to be you

May 30 07 - 11:06am

Yes super story!Comes very near wel known feelings. BW's suggestion tickles me. Go write!

May 31 07 - 12:24pm
mck

I have to say I have never really understood dating, and especially not one night stands. It always has seemed preferable to take care of myself rather than to objectify some stranger. And safer.

May 31 07 - 12:59pm
Foo

Not sad, but pathetic. Serious and deep psychologic issues, probably relating to her relationship with her father-figure (abuse?), making her incapable of establishing intimacy. Get your money back and a new therapist, cause the one you got ain't helping.

Nov 02 11 - 3:06pm
ebeth

I'm pretty sure you have no idea what her issues are or are not. All things do not boil down to abuse and daddy issues. Try not to be so judgmental. Everyone is complicated .

Jun 02 07 - 4:46pm
RG

Sometimes we humans just want sex without the complications too many of us feel the act obliges.

Jun 05 07 - 3:00am
Nick

You wrote a nice story but I don't think you should get too much upset about that, if you are like me, you just have to take your time, enjoy what you are doing now, you're young (older than me) and its okay to have fun now, you don't have the obligation to do any serious dates, just try to meet new people, but even if I'm young I've had a long relationship I was with a girl for 3 years , at the first date she doesn't seemed my type really much and I've had high expectations but I tried to see her again some other time and I discovered lots of good things I wasn't looking for, you know love doesn't come if you can put a check on a checklist of what you want on a man. There are deeper things that you see after a while you hang out with a person. Anyway I'm only 20years old and I'm no one to say to you what you have to do but writing that feedback maked my mind clearer also h

Jun 05 07 - 5:40pm
cas

fantastic story. everyone who thinks "this girl needs help"--why don't YOU examine why the default state for a woman, in your mind, is a heteronormative relationship? what about a woman in control of herself, doing things the way that best works for her, terrifies you so? i hate dating, too. it's contrived and audition-y and restrictive. we all have to learn what works best for us, and it takes a lot of strength, sometimes, to do just that.

Jun 13 07 - 11:29am
JLA

Fantastic. The problem is not that you're fucked-up- you're self-aware enough to find and think about your reasoning behind everything you do- but I think more of your devotion to the tradition of the strong, independent woman, and to your duty as a strong woman to provide examples and amusing stories to illustrate it. Rather than trying to change yourself or your thought processes, try going on as you do, only make a pact not to tell any of your friends or any other people about your dates or what happened, at least not until you're in a somewhat solid relationship. Then you can truly rule out what behavior is rooted in the "doing it for the story" and what comes from you.

Jun 14 07 - 11:37am
LC

This is horrible, absolutely terrible.

I see by the responses here, and the article itself... there are a lot of confused notions here in regards to what is and isnt healthy verses what is and isnt the actions of an independent person.

One night stands as a continuous and indeed habitual behavior are unquestionably un-healthy for men and women. Condoms break, women forget to take their pills, etc... In addition to that one night stands serve only sexual needs, when sex is actually intended as a component of pair-bonding, which is entwined with emotional well-being. This doesnt require puritan uber-monogomous sexual abstinance, it just means that in general one should be heading ina direction of creating healthy relationships, even if they aren't intended to be long-term or marriage they should be positive. The overwhelmingly negaitve light this article conveys clearly shows the problems when one begins to confuse sex and happiness and independance as directly correlated without other involved factors.

The issue is not the occasional hook-up that many if not most well-adjusted modern people have had, it's the psychogical pattern displayed here where the act is not coincidental, but pathalogicaly repeated.

The greatest fault here is that the author engages in dates as if they were absolutes, in the sense that the date is bound to fail because she some ellusive goal must be accomplished for it not to. When you go on a date you shouldnt have any objectives beyond meeting someone... thats it. If you like them great if not, whatever... that should be the entire extent of expectations when dating. If you feel youve got something to proove, or someone needs to proove they are "the one" for you, or something needs to happen to make it worthwhile, youve already lost.

We see these unhealthy issues in men all the time, where if they dont "score" they are made to feel like they are less than a man, etc... which statisticly puts those men (and women) into significantly higher risk categories of sexual assualt, disease contraction , cancer (HPV, increased exposure to smoking/drinking/unhealthy dieting, etc..), abortion/undesired pregnancies, and poverty (in regards to a greater chance of early and/or single parenthood leading to lesser educational attainment and earning power). Here we have a similar pathos from a female perspective.

I also would recomend getting a different therapist, this behavior is not positive, and potentially dangerous to both your mind and body... EXPECIALLY over the long term.

You should be looking at dating in terms of just meeting new people (potential friends) and whatever happens... happens... not as a doomed endeavor causing you to use them and 'fuck buddies' simultaneously.

If you find that your in a social setting and your friends are creating an environment where you feel to much pressure on dating expectations that causes your dates to endemicly fail (and thus causes you to look for sex without relationships) you should focus on changing your friends and environment to one where your not subject to such pressure and judgement. Sex or not DATING SHOULD JUST BE FUN.

Theres a reason promiscuous sex is linked to shamefull and guilty feelings, and it isn't because of god, its designed to protect you (and those around you) from harm.

Jun 16 07 - 5:14pm
ES

um, wow. So one twenty-four year old girl is confused about sex and doesn't want a relationship. At least she's honest (and a fun writer!) No need to get so huffy

Jun 18 07 - 2:01pm
AH

Fuck buddies seem like a good solution to the problem of having hormones and physical needs without having one's soulmate present in their life. Most healthy adults need sex as part of their life. I had a one night stand with a woman who turned out to be attemting to be my counselor. Sex as therapy. Sex can iron out alot of the kinks that develop in everyday life. The story is written by someone in the middle of their life process. I knew someone in college much like the author. They are now happily married and own a home. I wish I had more one night only's. There never seems to be any expectation of the act turning into anything more than physical satisfation.

I've never had a woman remove her panties before meeting me though-even if we were headed straight for the bedroom. I kind of like taking them off.

Jun 18 07 - 6:22pm
SPM

Ultimately we are who we choose to be. If we are something other than what we want to be, then there is work to be done.
Is the writer's behavior all of her own choice? Or is she driven by fear of loosing herself? Does she even know why she makes the choices she makes?
Most people are irritating some way or another. (The writer certainly is irritating). That is part of human character. It is up to you to decide whether it is worthwhile to live with another person's character defects to get the considerable benefits of having a partner for love and life.

Jun 21 07 - 1:59pm
MS

How did you like my Pink Prickly Pear Margarita, kind of sweet huh?

Jul 15 07 - 2:14pm
JR

JL,
Thank you for sharing these intimate details of your life and feelings. If I may make a suggestion; life is not a choice between standard dating and one night stands. Instead of struggling between these two depressing choices (awkward conversation/lives only intersecting in bed). Perhaps, as you meet men, you could get to known them the way that you have gotten to know your female friends. Somewhere down the line, when you start to care about one of them, then have sex. There is a whole world out there of feelings and experiences that you have denied yourself. Take a chance, you only live once.

Jul 15 07 - 2:28pm
HJ

I liked your writing ,it reminded me a bit of myself. On the other hand, it's amazing once you're actually feeling something towards someone.....isn't it??? I guess you're changing, like it or not! Enjoy Life!!!

Jul 19 07 - 12:31am
BT

There's nothing wrong with having lots and lots of one-night stands (ok, be safe, protect yourself and your partner, all that). But making fun of the guys you're with to their faces and in front of your friends, "excoriating" them, as you say, well, honey, that ain't right. Unless you're answering a personals ad from someone who specifically asks you to make him feel like shit, don't treat people that way.

Jul 25 07 - 11:21pm
NG

Thank you for your honesty and humor. I loved it!

Aug 17 07 - 1:35pm
IA

Pathetic!

Apr 03 12 - 7:44am
m

lovellllll

Aug 19 07 - 6:09am
KL

I think this is a gorgeous story. Obviously some of us don't think casual sex is OK, but the writer seems not to either. The author is not running around banging the town without a care in the world. She had sadly given up on relationships, she's frustrated, she's hurt. So she uses this method to help quell that basic intrinsic need for social connection - when she truly is convinced she fails at all others (bad dating experience, even difficulty with friends). I can't criticize that.

Aug 31 07 - 1:25pm
cM

WOW! I couldn't stop reading this essay. It was so honest.

Sep 08 07 - 7:41pm
ECM

Greetings Miss Scott,

The silent Pitter Patter of my eyes along the screen is accompanied only by my mind thinking ( structure of thoughts in the Colesian Head: what a nice, logical girl thinks about things similar to the way I ponder bet she'd be a good Fuck). The rituals of life ( a.k.a the Robbinsian maintenance) do take the fun out of the immesuably fantastique experionce of Sex. I salute you and I'll be at your place in 15 minutes :) I couldn't help myself call it habbit. Ah lest I remember to forget, the tiddlywacks of a humorous personality bring everything to life.

Felicita' e buone Cose

Sep 24 07 - 9:18pm
RJ

yea. i totally feel the same way and have been grappling between wanting a relationship and not wanting one.

i hate that trapped feeling, it occurs as soon as he shows more than the usual amount of interest.

and for the record i've been fucking this same guy on/off for about 2.5 years.. most recently at least 2x a month.. but we are not dating.

gather my wits sometimes not being about to define something is better than having all of it and not knowing what to do with it.

fuck on!

Oct 19 07 - 9:48pm
MAT

The comments on this column seem to conform to the simplistic framework that the author constructs: That it is a either 1. a sign of independence and confidence if a single woman engages in NSA sex without searching for lasting intimacy through normative dating behavior, or 2. that the author is clearly fucked up and engages in this behavior due to some deep seated psychological issue and fears of genuine relationships.

I suspect that both descriptions have a ring of truth, however, as a young male whose had a bit of NSA myself, I make a conscious effort to avoid the kind of objectification and hyper-criticism of my partners. This is not a healthy and fun pattern of female-driven no-strings-attached sex, rather it's a purposeful avoidance of satisfying intimacy through inane and apparently, in many cases, unreasonably superficial criticism of any man foolish enough to briefly consider her worthy of anything more than a cheap fuck. Men objectify women in much the same way out of narcissism, insecurity, and self-loathing, but it pains me to think that the author is unable to see this in herself, as she seems to think she is so clearly and artfully flouting social convention in having casual sex. How shockingly libertine! What a confident and stable young woman she must be! She truly must reject conventional gender roles and the ridiculous double standards that govern female sexuality in our society! Not pathetic, just sadly narcissistic foolishness and good ol' fashioned bitchery masquerading as sex-positive feminism. I suspect that it is ultimately a fear of happiness and lack of imagination that prevents her from engaging in a healthy polymorous/swinging/open relationship lifestyle that might actually provide her the best of both worlds, but I guess then she'd have nothing to complain about.

Jan 08 08 - 4:22pm
st

sure would love to have her for a fuck-buddy..if she's anything like the girl pictured..

Apr 27 08 - 2:54am
nm

BECAUSE ALL WOMEN LIKE YOU ARE SLUTS AND WHORES

Jul 22 08 - 1:07am
DEM

This is awesome, nice to know someone else out there feels the same way as me. I'm terrified of commitment. I only want what I can't have. But I always seem to at least want one more night with the guy again. Who knows..all us girls are crazy..haha..but hey you are only young once so live it up!

Aug 13 08 - 11:36pm
none

"When one of these late-night discussions revealed that he was actively dating other girls, I was surprised by how upset I became"

And I wonder how upset the men that you used became, once they discovered that YOU were using THEM?

Well, now you know what it feels like, dont you!

Because people who use people, also get used.

Thats my opinion.

Oct 10 08 - 7:22pm
sls

I know exactly how you feel. I'm not good at the long term dating thing either. I always preferred a good hook up to the forced niceties of dating because it never lasts. I'm on my second divorce. All I'm really interested in is a good orgasm once in a while to keep me sane and work off stress i.e. fwb.

Nov 26 08 - 3:22pm
DMS

Please don't tell her husband. I'm an avid reader of this blog. Its really entertaining and informative. What is life without a good one nights stand? If you take her out of the loop, you disadvantage those that need a good orgasm. Let her suffer whatever fate is destined for her but don't make it bad for those of us that look for a good cum!!!!!

Nov 26 08 - 4:22pm
dfg

Always looking for a quickie. Where does this girl live? And how do I connect with her? Live in chicago proper. Is she pretty????

Nov 27 08 - 9:53am
ASC

Ah yes. Really interesting discussion. I used to be like some of the people on this forum. Apparently, folks haven't found a soulmate that represents both friendship and intimacy. The two can exist together. In fact, without it this world would face extinction by virtue of disease. They guy who had blood on him should get checked out. That's not right.

Nov 30 08 - 9:38am
jb

Honest yes this is...pathetic it is as well. If you fall into this category, don't get married. If you fall into this category, use condoms and get checked frequently. I have a friend who was married and was recently diagnosed with cervical cancer. She could go a few months without an encounter, but years of very risky behaviour caught up with her. She often lied to everyone around her in defense of her activity. She slept with people at work with some frequency. Now she is a total mess.

Nov 30 08 - 12:13pm
OA

Historical tags don't work anymore. Just work on yourself and leave judgment to others. What may be good for one person may not be for someone else. Emotional states can be static or variable. I think those that are in a static state of unattached intimacy are perpetually in that state.

Dec 01 08 - 1:12am
mg

Hook em long horns. April is around the corner!!!!!!

Nov 30 08 - 5:01pm
YKI

Yes, shes lives in Chicago. No idea what her address is but she works for an insurance company. Your best bet is to wait until 10pm or so and cruise the financial district. Look for a large fake blond with blue eyes. What does Univ of Texas have to do with this. It must be the snow/rain in Chi-town that keeps us bored!!!

Nov 30 08 - 5:17pm
mg

It's an inside joke for those that went to school with her. No worries dude!!

Dec 15 08 - 8:40pm
MRB

guys or girls as the case maybe. this girl has always and always will be a slut. I knew her 10 years ago. Her husband must be either a swinger or brain dead. Funny thing is for those that don't know her you can be swayed by the apparent contradictions in her personality. For those that knew her, she was always the choice of last resort......sorry..... (10 beer minimum). A good friend told me this was up after seeing some jpeg of her and some guy on some porno site.

Dec 23 08 - 8:23am
rmb

I'd say pathetic is a pretty good word. Do all these people have "member" envy?? What's the point? Its clearly an indictment of the parents....where were they when these behaviours were developed? Sleeping? Cheating themselves. Very sad.

May 18 09 - 3:42pm
bw

I felt like I had wrote this story myself. It seems that this is how my life has been going except my fuck buddy got married 6months ago and I have tried to find a new one.

Nov 03 09 - 6:47pm
fm

This is an incredible source of embarrassment for all involved. No one should treated this way. No one.

Nov 19 09 - 3:29pm
JH

I think I could give you a small suggestion. I read your whole essay...but the first paragraph about the man that wore his letter jacket struck me. You don't appreciate people for their uniqueness, and the kind of guys you are interested are "cliche" and fit the mold. Until you begin to notice people for the things that set them apart, you're in for nothing but hurt.

God bless, Good Luck

Nov 30 09 - 11:11am
HW

If you can't remember every person you've "been with" in your life, then you chose to make the most intimate experience in life, meaningless.

Nov 30 09 - 6:47pm
KR

I read your whole essay as well. It was honest and I do feel for you. One thing I would suggest is that you not think to seriously about having or raising a child until you have fully addressed your actions and feelings. While the closeness that you feel for your child will help with the intimacy part somewhat, you could be putting yourself in the unfortunate situation of defending and hiding your "activities". This will especially ring true when the child grows up. We've got enough self centered, heartless people in the world.

Dec 06 09 - 6:44pm
IOU

I don't think there is anyone who would doubt the fact that if you embrace a new found appreciation for intimacy and making it a priority only after you've decided someone is WORTH your embrace, things will get a lot better. Pick your friends wisely too......the ones that will encourage your maturity and not a drunk standing on a bar!!

Dec 14 09 - 1:47am
cb

Let me guess. You are probably not the prettiest thing around and your desire for attention compels you to choose these types of guys. Your abundant lack of confidence is evident only to yourself. By controlling your relationships, you derive very brief periods of confidence. Am I right?

Jan 04 10 - 2:57pm
AWT

In a wierd way I really feel sorry for you. I am not sure whether you still read posts about your confessions, but if you do, I hope you are making progress. I just heard from an old friend who I was reminded of while reading your story and she is in therapy and unfortunately headed for divorce. At least you aren't married and it could be worse.....you could have a child and have no idea who the father is.

Feb 04 10 - 6:59pm
omg

indications that there may be a problem:
-the phrase" I'm scared" followed by a kiss.
-very little in the way of vocal expression
-if she dictates the where and whens
-unappealing physical characteristics
-suggestions that she's done it before and is an expert at not getting caught
-run as fast as you can!

Mar 04 10 - 9:15pm
TAJ

Oh please......what guy doesn't like a girl who drinks and is loose? There are tons of member only websites that talk about these girls (and guys) all over. You would be amazed at what you can find with a little research. I even found one that organizes comments about women (and men by name)!

Jul 01 10 - 6:14pm
mon24

What do you think?

Jul 04 10 - 12:47am
kane

GAY!

Aug 07 10 - 5:56am
Matt

One Night Only
Why some women - including yourself - prefer more exposure to STDs than daters.

mmm... like genital warts... like funky smelly fresh berries... Partner may not have any signs, lie about being healthy, and surprise! You've got crotchwartberries! More likely to happen when you're casual.

Aug 15 10 - 5:43am
KL

I've been there done that. and I feel like a naughty girl when I don't conform to society's point view ["it's wrong to fuck a guy or two"] and i fuck a guy or two.. Girl Power!!

Sep 04 10 - 3:48am
gautam

i am also a one night stay boy

Sep 08 10 - 3:02am
winwin situation

I am a successful woman and have worked hard to get to where I am today...being said I have been divorced twice and found myself always on the giving end until my husbands find more exciting people. I am tired of the dating world, the bullshit interview process, the lies and all the empty promises. I just want to have sex, to feel a man's body and to have that part of the excitement of knowing I don't give a shit what he thinks of me, I just want to be wild and free, live out my fantasy and take life by the horns. Men do this all the time, why can't smart and successful women do it? We are not young forever our bodies are to be fulfilled and admired. Do what makes you feel good, just be safe. It's the biggest rush when you meet him and you just go at it like wild beasts and when you are both satisfied, you both have an understanding of how this shit is going to flow, then there should be noone that's going to get hurt. You never know sometimes a relationship may spark from this wild night, or maybe you just don't really want a relationship.

Jun 29 11 - 4:20am
lik

you go girl

Sep 16 10 - 11:45pm
Eddy

so sexy I like that

Sep 21 10 - 4:38pm
great

it is the truth

Sep 23 10 - 7:17pm
carl

No strings sex is nice.....but the loneliness can be sad

Oct 10 10 - 7:52pm
yo

fucking awesome story. I will hold it so high so I could tell my children. Im a guy and I wish there were girls like you everywhere I go. It just makes things easier.

Mar 02 11 - 12:31am
Trent

Sad really. When it is time to settle down, perhaps have a family, this woman will have a hard time trying to find a man to be with. If she chooses to have a family that is. Not many men want promiscuous women; it'll be especially difficult to love her without thinking about her past. Women are supposed to be the choosy gender, they decide who they sleep with and shouldn't sleep with everyone. Slutty women have no respect from anyone, not their friends, family, or the guys they sleep with.

Mar 09 11 - 11:24pm
kicker

this story really sucks!

Jun 29 11 - 5:10pm
Smartn'sexy

Look, your giving dating way to much thought and power. And you put a cute spin on it but it's just another reason to be a hoe when you think of it liek that. You put yourself in a mundane cycle dating guys you don't even like and following some stereotypical behaviorial procedures in dotted with chivalry in hopes of finding "love", "marriage", o r even a good time. And ten you wonder why it feels dead and boring like a waste of time? Because it is! How about you just chill and wait til you find a guy you like and who likes you back before you go on a date, duh. And if you really like the person and they like you. it doesn't matter when you have sex with them. I don't know what's "empowering" about screwing multiple random guys. Your not being a hero, unless it's "Super Hoe". Become empowerd by doing something actual unselfish and awesome. Until then just have the patience to wait for a guy who likes YOU and YOU like before you go on lame dates and decide to change your life and yourself .

Jun 29 11 - 5:14pm
Smartn'sexy

* screw the minor spelling errors you get the point. This is not an episode of "Sex and the City" STD's and self-esteem are real factors that do exist.

Jun 29 11 - 5:30pm
202 native

where I come from we have a saying quite relevant to what the author says.... it goes something like this
"can't turn a hoe, into a housewife"

Jun 29 11 - 5:53pm
Smartn'sexy

wait i just read this whole thing. u just have on fuck buddy? then your good. that' sbelow average. i think you make your life sound more desperate and interesting than it really is.

Nov 03 11 - 12:29am
naveen

hai

Jul 25 11 - 11:01pm
vvvzsada

Yes the only problem with this girl is that she seems to have a low opinion of herself and has this idea of how a woman feels guilty about what makes her happy. To all you people saying that its not healthy for people to have casual sex and that there needs to be a 3 date rule bla bla. The only reason you say this is cos you grew up thinking this was the normal default position. The problem isnt that shes having sex with a lot of guys, its her attitude while shes doing it. As one of the comments said before it seems she is always looking for the story to tell her freinds. Its probably more healthy to not think so much about it, meet up with a guy, if you like him and want to have sex on the first date then do it, go on more then one date if you got on well and maybe that will turn into a proper relationship. As a guy i can say that if a girl sleeps with me on the first date has little to do with wheter i want to see her again. If anything it would actually score her some points. Although there are still those old fashioned guys out there that think a woman should only act a certain way, those guys are hipocrits and i dont think the girl in the story would want to be with someone like that anyway, so if they dont call back then it will just save her the hastle of wasting her time on them.

Sep 01 11 - 3:17am
Rm

Fuck buddies are great and all, how do I get one?

Nov 23 11 - 10:40pm
Jojo

Ever since I started having sex as a teenager I found I could only perform sexually during one night stands or with prostitutes. If I attempted to have more than one or two sexual encounters with the same woman my body would shut down sexually and I would be unable to get an erection or have an orgasm. All this didn't bother me until I wanted to get married and have kids because i knew any marriage I would have would probably end up being sexless. None of the therapists I've been to know what's going on so I was very interested to read this article about a woman who, like me, actually prefers one night stands.

Jan 01 12 - 7:28pm
big dick

sex is fun but if you love the time your with that woman or man your pick. you will in joy it more. or if its a one nite sand find out about her first if she likes it on top or bottom. yam. me I'm not pick'ee i like it top or bottom but i lave to the woman

Jun 17 12 - 1:48pm
amit kumar

i wanted women friendship

Jun 17 12 - 1:49pm
amit kumar

i wanted friendship