Then there was the tale of the girl who attended a PUA lecture and slept with three PUAs the same night. I had to admit, David was fun to talk to. Within an hour, I was tired of sitting up on the edge of the mattress, so I took the chance of lying down... still keeping three feet of real estate between us. Regardless, he was on me in a moment.

"Stop that," I said, and he pulled back. "Look," I said, "I really am not going to have sex with you. I just want to talk. Also," I added, "I should go home soon. It's late."

"You're totally sleeping over," David said firmly. "I'll drive you home in the morning."

"No, I'm going home tonight," I said.

Again, he changed the subject. I wondered if it was wise to let him do that, but it didn't seem like I could say any words he would take seriously.

We talked until five or six a.m. He continued lying next to me. I continued to rebuff his advances. Every time I said I would go home, he said I should sleep over. Finally I said, "I'm just going to walk."

"That'll take you hours!" he protested.

"Watch me," I said. "I'm pretty sure I know how to get there from here. Plus, we can't be far from public transit."

"No, okay, I'll take you home."

The sun came up as we drove across the city. The conversation shifted to my writing and my thoughts about sex and sexuality. I talk about sex a lot in a cerebral, non-hot way; I'm used to discussing my own sexual desires that way, too. This is what we do in the S&M subculture, and sex writers do it a lot, too.

But David made it clear that for him, the conversation was extremely hot. I hadn't meant to tease him — really — but as we pulled up to the corner near my apartment, I looked at David thoughtfully. His voice had gone husky. He gazed at me meaningfully.

I didn't feel attracted to him. I had no intention of having sex with him. If he hadn't been a PUA, I would have continued to keep him at arm's length. But there was something so incredibly hot about pickup artistry in general...

...I leaned over and kissed him, and he groaned.

I realized that the thrill I felt was a power trip. I'm the first to admit that I fetishize power; and I knew, in that moment, that my feelings about interacting with PUAs really were similar to S&M feelings. Except that the difference was this: if I were playing S&M mind games, I'd discuss it explicitly. I would try to respect everyone's emotions. If I were looking for a real relationship, then I would try very hard to be honest and honorable.

In contrast, I stepped out of David's car without a word. In that moment, I felt zero compunctions about messing with his head in a completely non-negotiated way.

He was a PUA, right? He'd spent the whole night pushing my boundaries and trying to manipulate me. I dreaded to imagine how well his tactics could have worked on a younger, more naive, more insecure version of myself.

This was war.

And besides, it wasn't like PUAs had feelings or anything.

This may have been my first omen that learning about PUAs was making me more cynical and manipulative, and encouraging negative attitudes about men. Alas, I paid it no mind.

This is an abridged excerpt from the brand-new ebook, Confessions of a Pickup Artist Chaser: Long Interviews with Hideous Men, by the feminist S&M writer Clarisse Thorn. You can buy it right now at Amazon! Note that if you don't have a Kindle, you can download the free Kindle app for your computer or smartphone and read it there. If you would prefer a paper copy, Clarisse will be releasing the book in physical form within the next two weeks. Also note: you can become a fan of Confessions on Facebook.

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