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August 22, 2011
True Stories: I Cheat On Everyone
Monogamy doesn't come easily for everyone.
By Kate F
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I am going to introduce my grad-school boyfriend, Scott, to my family. I think they'll get along. He is studious and social and has published five papers already. He wears glasses and likes button-downs and remembers which polite phrases go where.
I am also having sex with Avi, who is not my boyfriend. He is bipolar, or at least something diagnosable, but he has wild hair, which rises in coarse curls, and elfin eyes that are so much wittier than his words.
I just texted Avi, "Come down now."
I liked the excitement of pressuring him to kiss me, perhaps more than I liked him.
Down, because I'm in Manhattan and he's in upstate New York. Now, so that we can have sex before my boyfriend arrives. Of course, it's not just for sex, or, maybe more accurately, sex is never just sex. This time, like all of the other times, the "not just sex" part has to do with my boyfriend, and how I don't really want him to be my boyfriend.
It's actually a theme. I almost never love the boys I date, but I date them anyway, because — well, there isn't a good reason.
When I was twelve, my first boyfriend was also twelve. He picked his nose languorously in public. I asked him not to, but it was a hard habit to break. I liked him, even though I thought he was gross and maybe ugly. I liked the excitement of pressuring him to kiss me, perhaps more than I liked him. But the excitement and the boy himself got tangled together, and sometimes I forgot that they were separate things. Sometimes, I even thought I wanted to stay with him forever and build a big-windowed house with him, where we'd eat whatever we wanted because we'd be grown up and our parents couldn't say things about how processed foods are bad for you.
I cheated on that boy, with another boy who was not much more impressive. And then I cheated on the second boy with a third boy. And the third boy with a fourth boy. After a few months of cheating, I'd swap one boyfriend for the next, until eventually, I was in college. There, I decided things were serious now, and so I stayed with the same boy for close to three years and only cheated on him once. The difference was, when I cheated on him, I didn't trade him in. I had an epiphany: maturity meant coming back, no matter what. I was proud of myself.
I had an epiphany: maturity meant coming back, no matter what. I was proud of myself.
When I was fourteen or so, my best friend yelled at me. She said I needed to grow up. She may have called me heartless and amoral. Her parents were religious; she'd been "born again" at ten-years old, so she used words like "amoral" fluently. I sat there and tried not to smile. The boys would never know I'd cheated, so why did it even matter?
She said I should really think about why I was doing what I was doing. I had a few theories — three main ones, actually. One, it was possible that I just didn't care enough about the boys. Two, it was possible that I was greedy. Three, maybe I was scared.
"What the hell are you scared of?" my best friend said. (You knew things were serious when she cursed.)
"I don't know," I said. "Being alone?"
"But you're not alone," she said. "That's what makes it cheating."
She was right. It didn't make sense.
Commentarium (115 Comments)
That was wonderful. I know quite a few people like this where I hope they'd grow up and realize that they don't necessarily have to be mature to stop hurting people. Especially in this situation, the epiphany through maturity was essentially wrong still.
you gotta let a ho be a ho
+1!
thats absolutely right. My girlfriend of two and a half years cheated on me, then left me, then came back into my life and cheated on me again. cheaters need to realize that their messed up actions can hurt the ppl that care about them the most. i just wish people had the decency to leave and not cheat. i have no respect for cheaters bc for us good people, cheating is never an option.
I'm happy you're figuring yourself out. But being cheated on is one of the worst feelings so I have trouble feeling bad for you,as long as you recognize that then your life will hopefully fall into place.
True. When i found out my wife had a 3 month affair behind my back my life went into a downward spiral i have not recovered from . it will destroy somebodys life. This has been the worst year of my entire life. NEVER cheat.
i agree. same happened to me but it was my husband and the affair was off and on for a couple years. my life is wrecked. don't cheat. you don't realize the destruction you leave behind.
I wouldn't get the trumpet fanfare out just yet. This girl has quite a trackrecord and that's a pretty luke-warm epiphany. My money says she'll continue to fall off the wagon until she really fucks up and risks losing (and possibly loses) something that really matters to her.
There is a way to break the cycle. I did.
It's not supposed to be an epiphany. It's a hint. A start at redemption. She may relapse again, and she may one day lose something/someone that really matters, but it's true what they say: realizing you have a problem is half the battle.
"And then, for an entire minute, he said nothing but my name. A minute is a really long time. I begged him to stop."
beautiful
Agreed.
Yeah, I have to say, for some reason a lot of people think being an asshole somehow makes their life more interesting for someone else to hear about; actually a story like this "oh I cheated so much" had the potential to be really boring.
But that this story is so interesting, speaks to how good a writer the author is. She's very capable of figuring out ways to convey a story artistically in written form, including which elements to talk about.
Though I'd never, ever, ever want to date someone like her (or probably be her friend, for that matter), I would love to read more stories which are so well-written (irrelevant of the source). Because good writing style is a rarity for narrative in the internet age. Readers go parched in a saltwater ocean of half-assed blog posts and plainspoken comments (like this one).
There really is nothing sweet about this piece at all, it's very depressing. There are a lot of people who crave being loved, but cannot love.
I wonder if there is a name for that.
narcissism.
yep. ms for the win.
It also prompts very young people to write oh-so-very-deep stories about themselves.
@huh: Win!
Histrionic PD.
Probably there is some sort of combination of the cluster b personality disorders.
boring, pseudo-revelatory, indulgent piece by a narcissistic, histrionic, child. what was the point? take your mother's advice: stop it. or mine: become authentically self-aware (rather than faking that too) and you may have a chance to avoid what will certainly be a miserable life.
Open relationship or DADT...sounds like the honest way for you to carry on in an adult relationship...just lay your cards on the table...nice writing style...
I agree that open relationships (and I'll add polyamory and swinging) can be very fulfilling to certain adventurous people. But the person who wrote this clever little piece is currently all cleverness and no heart. She was cruel to Avi after leading him on with the news of the break-up with Steve, but she feels sorry for herself, not him. Couples in open relationships and swingers need more than average interpersonal skills and true empathy. Where in this article is there any evidence that she cares about anybody but herself? Or, is it possible that seeing Avi's pain is her first small step toward being a human? I think her mother and her friends should have confronted her instead of offering vague hopes for change.
I could totally relate to this. Cheating becomes a bad habit like any other, it's a vicious cycle that's difficult to break out of. You start setting your expectations too high, and that results in your partners disappointing you over and over again through no fault of their own. I ended a relationship a year ago as well after 15 years of serial dating. I've forced myself to stay single this whole while. It's been the best thing I've ever done. Good luck on your own journey.
It's not that you want to have sex with lots of guys and hurt them all. It's that you're addicted to forbidden love. Forbidden love is extremely hot in the moment. You can't sustain it over the long haul, though. You'll have to find another way.
I have no sympathy for this author. She did this to herself, acting completely selfish throughout the entire relationship.
Amen.
Same. I might have sympathy if i were her close friend but not from an outside perspective. People don't realize the effects their actions have on people. It's sad how people take people for granted. It's like the people who have it soo good, just destroy it. It's disappointing & like a slap in the face to those who treat their significant other with the up most respect & love.. yet get screwed up.
I could have written this; albeit, I use longer sentences. I'm not convinced that she will quit cheating, though I hope for her sake (and for mine) it's possible. I'm always telling myself I'll stop when I find the right match between love and lust and caring and aloof and sweet and sexy etc etc. But that doesn't really get to the heart of it. It's a thrill to have two (or more) men at your beck and call, two men who love and lust for you. But that thrill is usually short-lived. There's a larger moral but I'm too lazy to get into that now.
I cheat all the time and I am not going to stop. It's who I am and I don't care.
Then who you are is a vile narcissist. Have fun when you wake up old and alone and realize it's all your fault.
There are plenty of old people who've ended up alone despite never having cheated on anyone. Who's fault is that?
I am in a relationship with a man who has always cheated. I know he has: I fell in love with him years ago when he was engaged to someone else- he cheated with me then but married her anyway. He was with her for 6 years; and then when I ran into him after many years' absence and he, still married, was dating someone else who he planned to leave his wife to be with.... and then he left them both for me. He is, as it turns out, really hard to live with. He is incredibly suspicious of me and demands I be absolutely faithful to him. I don't know a single person that would put up with it. It makes me want to cheat. Anyway, @Travis, indeed: he's old now and on the edge of being alone. It's pathetic but I can't help but love him... it makes me really sad to think of him old(er) and alone. I probably will cheat, though. And perhaps I'll end up alone when I am old(er), but I have many more years to enjoy my sexual prime. I don't know what my point it.
oh for god's sake, it's not rocket science. If you want multiple partners, be honest about it. Actually, whatever you want, just be honest. Start with yourself, go from there. Or, if you really just have to cheat, look for other cheaters to be with, then y'all can cheat on each other and the rest of us won't have to deal with your b.s.
The first step is admitting there is a problem. And she's done just that. As I read this, I thought "wow, this chick is pretty horrible." But I see a redemption at the end. She may cheat again on the next guy, but I think there is potential that she wants something else--only time will tell if there is an actual attitude shift.
I just respect the fact that she's open about it, unlike some people here who seem to be judgmental because of...? exactly, no reason. I'm sure everyone has their hangups, some just actually choose to acknowledge them and try to do something about it .
...she's open about it here in this article, but she wasn't open about it with any of her partners, which is where honesty matters. If you sense judgement on the part of some of the commenters here, it could be because they've been cheated on. It's hard to have sympathy for a cheater (who is rather gleeful about it all until she has to spend a whole 2 weeks being single) when you've been cheated on. You're right, moi, we all have our hangups. For many of us, being a chronic cheater is a hangup that is also a dealbreaker at the least, a heartbreaker at worst.
Yeah let's not go cheering for someone who's fucked around one 5 or 6 people just yet.
Why are we "judgemental"? Because a couple of us find monogamy to be possible, and maybe have been fucked over by sociopaths like this. Maybe it's because pretending to be a monogamist and admitting to being a monster in an article isn't the same as refusing to be in a committed relationship if you can't handle it.
Cheating on everyone you've ever been with isn't a fucking "hangup". It's a severe psychological problem that's incredibly selfish and immature.
I never condoned what she did, in any way , shape or form. If you can read what I wrote, I said "I just respect..." that's all.
A boyfriend you don't enjoy having sex with doesn't have "the boyfriend stuff." Change how you view boyfriends and you'll feel less of a need to cheat.
lots of women are like this. casual, flippant, fickle. you can ride it for years until you get fat, then you wonder why you don't have any friends but you should already know.
"can't turn a ho into a housewife, fool" - Notorious BIG
And casual blanket remarks may be the reason users do not like to have to deal with the comments section on Nerve.com.
nobody forced your eyeballs to these words :)
This girl brought it upon herself. She is dishonest and disrespectful in all her relationships and that is repulsive. Just turn the situation around for one minute. Imagine if this was a man who wrote this column? Would he be getting any sympathy or support? This girl needs to remember that she's no victim here. It's all her fault.
x2
How depressing that she would be so gleeful about such a repugnant revelation. Maybe the conservatives are right, this looks like a form of moral bankruptcy!
I have no problem with folks in non-traditional relationships, but I don't see how you can read this piece and not think "Wow, the author's a shitty person. I hope cleans up her act or she dies alone."
This girl is an insufferable and monotonous. Just what I needed to read to start my Monday off.
You like reading insufferable and monotonous articles? I usually start off my Mondays with a blowjob from my neighbor's wife.
Often times, cheaters fear intimacy. Sure, everyone wants to be loved, but it's scary at the same time. What if they get too close and then hurt you, or don't really like the real you, not the put-on one? Better to keep everyone at a distance. Cheating ensures they'll never get too close. The moment they do, you flake outand ruin it. I see variations on this theme all the time.
Well said and quite insightful.
true stories? tomorrow is not thanksgiving!
man this girl is monotonous in every way.
Homeschooled.
Is it cheating? Or sampling?
It depends. Are cookies and people the same thing?
@Weedler:
Oh shit! They're not? I've been going about my life all wrong. Wow, there are a lot of things I need to be doing differently and soon. #1 I need to stop fucking that sweet Macadamian.
Illicit sex has a charge that "licit" sex doesn't.
Some people get hooked on that.
If that's you, then see it for what it is and don't pretend something else is going on,
because that's the first step towards working with it.
I love this story. I wish I was this brave. I can't end it and neither girl knows about each other. I have been in a two relationships for two years at the same time. One is the sex, the other is the intellect. I can't seem to get away from either of them. They both are amazing in their own rite. I wish I could just find a poly amorous girl.
No, you could easily man up and come clean. You're just an awful person trying to feel better about himself (or herself). Oh, and the author isn't brave in any sense of the word.
Writing about your sex life is just another way to glamorise it in your own mind. I'm not going to judge your actions, I'm just going to point out that you yourself clearly want to think of your actions as illicit and wicked, on some level you want to scandalise. Maybe you should ask yourself why.
i'm shocked so many people are judging so harshly... reading this, I felt lurchy and gutted with all the emotional yanks back and forth, so the last thing that would have occured to me was to be mad at her for getting away with anything. I've never cheated on anyone, but I've had these exact feelings. You want to love, maybe you do a little, but you just toe the edge and can't fall in. so you dance with people who there's no danger of knowing, and go home alone. cheaters are always really alone, there's nothing to be jealous of.
The writing style made me think of the movie "Ice Storm" from the late 90s. It was cold and depressing. None of the characters made you feel any sense of humanness or compassion; instead, you mostly just felt angry that they were just these empty shells.
brilliantly depressing movie, I agree
You ought to find a nice young man who can enjoy you having sex with other men. They are out there. I'm one of them. My GF fucks other men regularly and I enjoy hearing about it from her. The sex that we have after she comes home is always incredible. This isn't for everyone, but perhaps it would work for you.
me and wifey are the same
I have cheated on every guy I've ever been with, until I (finally) started an open relationship 2 years ago. Now, the desire to cheat is gone. (Strangely, this is the longest monogamous stretch he's had too.) I think the key to overcoming it is this: if everything is all in the open, the "forbidden fruit" aspects and the desire for self esteem boosts are diminished. Be honest about what you want, and you'll find someone that fits you perfectly.
One question: Who gives a fuck?
One answer: Anyone who left a comment.
~Presents One Fuck~ I do, sir.
In love with herself and her needs.
I can sort of relate, having cheated on every boyfriend I ever had, until I met my now-husband. For me, it wasn't so much about not getting what I needed from each relationship but rather not feeling like it was 'wrong' to cheat because there was always a justification: the first time it was my high school/college boyfriend who I had been trying to break up with for a couple of years, and only succeeded when I went for a semester abroad halfway around the world, the second time I was dating a younger guy and he was leaving soon anyway and it just sort of happened with a hottie I met on a short holiday, the third time I randomly hooked up with someone during a business trip but my boyfriend at the time was into sexual non-monogamy (we had been to swingers parties, and participated), so I figured he wouldn't mind (he had also said he wouldn't mind if I slept with someone as long as I didn't fall in love with them), and the last time I cheated on that same boyfriend with someone I met while traveling and had a very intense fling with - we thought we were in love. I did feel bad about that one but less so when upon my return from the two-week trip my bf told me he was leaving to travel for at least 6 months so we should probably break up.
Of course it didn't work out with my fling, but just after things imploded with him (and I had said goodbye to my boyfriend), I got together with my now-husband of 4 years. I have only been tempted to cheat on him once, during our first year of marriage (3rd of being together) and I managed to control myself and uphold my commitment to be monogamous. Now that we've been together more that 6 years I can honestly say that I have no interest whatsoever in being with anyone else. Maybe I have grown out of it, maybe I don't have that fear of being unfulfilled or don't need the ego boost of being desired by another man, I don't know.
I think for some of us monogamy is difficult until we meet the right person who makes us want to commit 100%. And it has definitely gotten A LOT easier as time goes on.
I'm still good friends with my non-monogamous ex, and when he shares with me stories of his continuing promiscuous bachelorhood I am somewhat amused but mainly feel sad that he doesn't have the amazing close relationship that I have with my husband. He says he is only interested in a serious relationship if the woman shares his views on sexual non monogamy. I hope he finds someone who fits this and doesn't end up growing old alone.
this broad is pretty worthless and not just in my view, but her own. i can tell she's unattractive because she can only date losers with no options while feeding her ego banging more desirable men on the side, who she could never rope into a relationship.
I've had just my heart broken by someone I loved. I've never cheated on him, neither him on me. He was just to selfish and childish to give anotner chance to a relationship. He saw some poblems and run away.
So I don't give a shit. Cheat ant cheat on everyone if you feel like it. I could but I've never did, now I am alone. Eventually every lover will break your heart one way or another.
Then you'll need someone and no one'll be around.
Sorry it's just I am not myself now really so I kinda like her, and want to be like her. I feel like a dormat.
I think the difference between men and women is that men won't lie to themselves and try to justify their actions. When men do something wrong, they accept that it's wrong and never do it again or do it in spite of who it hurts. When women do something wrong they search for a way to convince themselves it wasn't their fault, like Ariel above and her absurd "justifications". Men will break your heart, but your heart can heal. Women will rip it straight out of your chest and find a way to blame you for it.
It's interesting that the sympathisers here appear to number greater in the women than the men.
Somebody said it best above:
"Imagine if this was a man who wrote this column? Would he be getting any sympathy or support?"
Sorry Bettsy this isn't really a reply to you, my fault.
Although I will say you sound like every young girl who gets her heart broken for the first time. The answer isn't "destroy everything and everyone around you", why would you want to propagate the pain you feel, why would you wish that upon somebody else when you know how terrible it is?
The answer is find somebody who is worth your time, somebody who doesn't hurt you, and most importantly, realise that most relationships do end, and it's not the end of the world. You could ruin the love that changes your life if you go into it planning to fuck the whole thing up.
"When women do something wrong they search for a way to convince themselves it wasn't their fault"
Pretty much, yeah. There's a long-standing trope that women are innately moral, good, and humane, and that if a woman does something cruel or immoral it's not because she's a shitty person, but because she's been "damaged" by some past injustice. It's a crock of fucking shit, but if anyone doubts this, witness the way that criminals are depicted on shows like Law & Order, Criminal Minds, CSI, and so forth. If the perp is a woman, there's almost always a backstory about some bad thing that happened to her in the past: rape, abuse, etc. If the perp is a man, 90% of the time there's no attempt at explaining why, or if there is an explanation it's all about his inadequacies: he's short, he's impotent, or whatever.
i beg to disagree. i've been a goody good since forever. it so happened that at the beginning of my last relationship, i strayed. he found out the day after we broke up... i admit it is my fault, that i have changed in ways that i am not proud of, and will work to improve this part of my life. so women can admit they are wrong, and not look for excuses! i just hope he can come to understand how i felt back then, and accept to be my friend once the anger goes away
this is well written. she's very honest about her borderline personality disorder. the serial cheating is actually just a symptom of this. unfortunately for her, borderline personality disorder can't be cured. she'll always be a cheater, (until she settles into asexuality after menopause,) and a somewhat interesting writer because of it, because she's doing all the things that sane, caring, rational people can only do in their fantasies. she'll fulfill the id for the repressed masses who quietly go about their business in desperation, not knowing their middle class rules are actually protecting them from themselves. this girl can actually handle transgressing them. i'd like to sleep with her.
As someone has been cheated on, I can't begin to fathom the amount of pain that the author has likely caused in her dating life.
Cheating is disgusting, hurtful, and selfish. If you can't handle being in a monogamous relationship then find an open one.
This is boring, obvious, and not well-written. So you're a consummate cheater. So you're young and have never been fulfilled by one person. So maybe you'll stop cheating or maybe you won't and maybe you'll find someone who doesn't give a f*ck.
Sorry if this is a bit too scathing, but jesus, nerve, you continue to post things that are disconnected in an annoyingly stereotypical way. I guess go watch the new Miranda July? Oh, wait, there's already a piece that namechecks that movie.
<3 Hater
I think her mom should write an advice column.
Apparently, this hit home. The author's name has been changed.
She'll keep doing it until she's cheated on--people this arrogant don't change on their own until they're laid low by the actions of others.
Listen y'all, I was a serial cheater for 15 years for reasons too long to get into, and I stopped cold turkey also for reasons too long to get into. The point is, she CAN stop. She just needs to make a conscious decision to do it and have the strength to see it through.
The way to a woman's heart is through her cornhole...that is all
fascinating. not. why publish this drivel?
This really sounds like a 12 year-old sex fantasy. Something in the narrative screams "I've never done this before because I don't really know how to process emotions, or the emotions of anyone else for that matter"...or maybe the writer is a guy.
Ok. Happy to hear that you finally understood what your doing. and I also don't think you cheated like a 'Cheater'. I think you were not caring about your boyfriends or how much they loved you. What ever it is everyone need love and sex. Love is not about having sex and sex is different from love. Get someone who can give both good sex and love.
Have Fun :)
There is no excuse for cheating apart from selfishness. So saying things like 'I'm a cheater', "I'll always be a cheater" etc is really just saying, "I put myself before anyone else, especially the people that love me".
There's nothing wrong with being alone, singledom isn't something to be scared of, and judging from your story, you're still pretty young. Stop screwing around and find out who you are and what you want, before running back into another one sided relationship and really hurting some other poor bastard.
and a prescription for salt amphetamines... think adderall XR, that should help you with your attention deficit.
There's no "borderline" about it: the girl's a psychopath. There's nothing she can do about it - it's how she's made. Every single thing they ever do is for themselves...but to get what they want they need unsuspecting victims. No wonder the poor boy lost it in her bed; the total lack of humanity sends people mad.
Not a bad - though chilling - piece. As long as you read it as being written by a precocious 12 year old with a personality disorder.
I think I dated this girl.
this isn't cheating. this is dating.
I cheated once on a college GF. I was wracked with guilt for months. Never told her but I learned my lesson.
Yeah, she should have been up front with Scott, but clearly this girl needs to date and find someone who can give her the "sex" and the "dating" she's looking for.
you're not a cheater, honey. you're an asshole. thats whatcha are! lol. asshole.
Derrick has it right. She's an a-hole who loves herself so much she can't love anyone else. She clearly enjoys what she's doing and is wallowing in her own selfish drama. Perhaps it's her way of asserting her superiority to the guys she gets to fall for her and then betrays. Cheating can sometimes be understood if there are mitigating issues (an abusive partner, a momentary weakness, long separations) but cheating over and over on every partner you ever had, especially partners who are kind, respectful, and devoted, is nasty. She even expects to cheat on prospective partners she hasn't even met. If she's lucky, she won't hook up with someone who has his own mental problems and kills her when he learns of her cheating. I'd rather she finds her true love, introduces him to her friends and family, sets up a home with him, devotes herself to him, extends her trust to him, and then he diddles around on her.
@E, brilliant! The only thing I have to add is a small request for those of you who purport to identify with the author: could you please all wear signs-- large, obvious, brightly colored ones-- so the rest of us can run screaming in the other fucking direction when you draw near? Much appreciated.
I've even known and sympathized with some cheaters, but this level of self-absorbed sociopathy terrifies me. Even the most selfish, narcissistic cheaters I've known personally don't seem quite this pathetic and aggravating, although it's possible they're just really good at hiding it from me-- a skill they might necessarily have developed a a means of facilitating their behavior. I've never been cheated on, that I know of-- slightly suspected it in my last relationship, but doubted it for a number of objective and subjective reasons. Again, he might have been good at concealing it from dopey, trusting me. I don't think the vitriol here is coming exclusively from the once-cheated-upon; I think it's coming from those of us who have the capacity for empathy, self-control, and self-reliance (i.e., being alone) that so many others out there lack. Those of you who fuck people over and don't blink make dating suck that much more for the rest of us as we navigate the PTSD you previously inflicted on the people we're seeing now.
I'm actually in the middle of going through the exact same thing... I'm so glad you shared this. It makes me feel a little less lost and a little less alone. Thanks(:
Don't you dare trash talk her. She's a human with human feelings and she's lost. She had the courage to share her story and all you do is put her down. Put yourself in her position. She's shared something sacred and close to her heart, and you put her down. How would you feel?
"Put yourself in her position." We all have been there. Most of us simply decided not to cheat. It's really not that hard.
Also, not that we don't all appreciate the insight into someone else's love life and inner life, because that's why we read Nerve, but she did choose to publish this online. Kinda feeds more into the notion that she needs a nonstop stream of ego-fluffing, not that she's courageously baring her soul. I loathe the sexism that's come up in some of these comments, and the batting-about of the word "whore," but here's my sticking point, and that of so many others: be as slutty as you want, screw as many people as you want, as long as you're not deceiving them.
Sounds like she needs to get her heart broken. You don't get why you shouldnt hurt people until you know what it feels like.
I'm sorry, but there is no way you can actually justify yourself with any of your "poetic" words. you are truly a self absorbed person. in fact, you are what is wrong with this world. I've been Avi and Scott, and in both situations you are so full of yourself, or cock that none of it makes it ok. we are all born alone, and we all die alone, but its those moments in between that we share our soul that matter. This has nothing to do with god or religion, you shouldn't repent, the damage is already done. the only person that will ever make you happy is someone who is as slutty as you. so my advice as some rando on the internet for you is just find some tramp, have kids, and continue to sleep around on each other til one of you gets bored of the other, (probably when you turn 35), and get a horrible divorce where you end up in a trailer in florida selling hand jobs behind a waffle house. That said, i look forward to seeing you in porn soon...hopefully before you're 30.
There is help for Borderline Personality Disorder: talk therapy and medication. 5 years ago, I wasn't a serial cheater, but I have cheated once on almost every partner I've had. It was MY problem, not theirs. They didn't deserve, and yes, at the time i justified it by predicting that they would only hurt me anyway, so it made me feel empowered when i cheated. I was insecure, felt terribly unloved, and afraid of being alone. I wanted the opposite sex to want me, need me, and I required more than one to desire me at a time. Today, I am more mature, I have been through 3 years of therapy, and I take a med to relieve anxiety and one for depression. In therapy I learned why I was so self loathing and afraid. The medication balances me out and it keeps me from being impulsive. I hate that I was so reckless with my partners' feelings. I hate having the reputation as a cheater. I want to be a better person, and for the past 3 years , I have been.
Gee it sounds like a bunch of PC drones. She did what she did as her path to enlightenment. That is her path. No Biggie. Grow up people and understand your species not some put upon dogma!!
I can see it now. This girl's next article will be a self-loathing account of finding Mr. Right, having a great relationship, Mr. Right caught cheating, and a hysterical rant of why men are pigs.
To the author - you are the pig.
P.S. - Here's a tip. When you ask a boyfriend to, "Write you something romantic" that's a clear sign for us normal guys to get the fuck out.
It's easy for u to break anyones heart... Your a slut & i truely hope wen u r in true love your lover should cheat on u...
Why do we beat ourselves up over monogamy? It's a societal / religion imposed expectation that we are faithful to one person forevermore. If you remove the 'law' of monogamy from a relationship then the jealousy disapates along with it. Accept that we are human, accept that we all enjoy sex.
I'm not saying it is easy to do ' just like that', years of monogamy being the ' way we do things' has been forced down our throats (if you excuse the term) and social conditioning requires time to adjust to a more open way of thinking.
There are ways of opening up relationships which can be comforting and fun for both partners. It takes work, negotiation, love, caution and respect. When my husband and I met, we more or less straightaway began to explore a more open lifestyle and it has done us a lot of good. It's a journey and an education but that's half the fun.
This girl sounds like a total psychopath. No empathy.
I don't feel bad for you in the slightest.
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Grow up you are insensitive and emotionless I hope someone you really love and care for cheats on you Whore
Hey, you can't expect a soulless slut to act any different. You should try prostitution. It's a career that would suit you.
Now you say something