True Stories: The End of an Era

The hookup that taught me I was a lesbian.

The hookup that taught me I was a lesbian.

By L. M. Fleming

Ken and I were sitting at a table in the pathetic little pub on campus, sipping beers and talking about how to break into the film industry, something we both desperately wanted to do. Ken made the obvious statement that it was "all about who you know" and I asked, mostly rhetorically, how you made Hollywood contacts while living in San Francisco.

"Through someone like me," he responded cockily.

God, I thought as he proceeded to list off the rather puny catalog of connections he'd made interning one measly summer in Los Angeles, when I sleep with him, I really hope he doesn't think this is why.

It didn't bother me at the time that our greatest shared passion was for the tits on a blonde in class.

I had just broken up with my first girlfriend for about the fifth time and was trying to figure out if I had any desire left in me to be with men. I figured the only way to find out was to sleep with one, and Ken seemed like a good choice simply because I knew he'd sleep with me and wouldn't be upset if I never wanted to see him again.

As a bonus, Ken was relatively attractive and actually quite fun to be around. We bonded over classic rock and hot chicks in our screenwriting class, much the way I'd always made friends with dudes. We had a lot in common, and it didn't bother me at the time that our greatest shared passion was for the tits on a blonde in class. We got along so well that it was only logical to my twenty-two-year-old sexually experimental self that I should try to sleep with him.

My plan of seduction involved a lot of cleavage, some drinks, and some not-so-subtle sexual innuendos. Leaving the campus pub, I asked Ken if he wanted to grab another beer Friday night, and we agreed to meet up at a bar near where he lived with his parents, about thirty minutes south of San Francisco.

When Friday came, I dragged my roommate Talia along with me to Ken's local pub, a place his family had been frequenting for years. As a group of us sat at the bar, the owner/bartender told stories of Ken as a kid, and we spend most of the evening walking down his memory lane. I learned Ken was a twin, and wondered openly if I'd picked the right brother. Ken's friend added some stories about their high-school glory days but that's about all he contributed; I'd pawned him off on Talia early in the evening.

Attempting to impress and entertain, I told a story that had been spreading through the film school about a T.A. (no one ever knew which one, but everyone always swore it was theirs) who'd heard a certain actor get a blowjob over a radio on the set of Cliffhanger. According to the rumor, the actor repeatedly asked his giver to "cup the balls, say the name," while she gagged attempting to pronounce his three-syllable moniker. We all knew the story had no basis in truth but we liked it anyway.

Since we were on the subject — and since the bar was closing soon — I took the opportunity to emphasize how much I loved oral sex. It was obvious and not especially classy, but it did the trick. Soon we were all piled into my car, Ken and me blatantly groping each other in the back seat while Talia and his friend chatted up front. I remember wishing Ken would play with my nipples more, but before I could protest, we were at our destination and Ken was whispering in my ear, "Meet me in the bathroom."

Commentarium (35 Comments)

Jan 05 11 - 3:27am
Sticky

No offense, and I'm not doubting that you're a lesbian, but you're attitude expressed in the writing towards Ken suggests more hate and anger towards the poor guy, and not the appreciation that you claim to feel.

Jan 05 11 - 3:53am
GDE

Sticky, you read this totally differently than I did. She said at the end Ken was great, but not what she wanted sexually, as he didn't have boobs. She even thanked him at the end. Did you even read this?

Jan 05 11 - 5:11am
bp

Don't you know that any expression of lesbianism is not really a love of women but a hatred of men? All expressions of sexuality are about men.

Jan 05 11 - 5:33am
S

I didn't notice any hate or anger towards Ken at all, just impersonal disappointment. Like if you really love strawberry but are stuck with vanilla ice cream.
I have to wonder though, if this would have been better if Ken was one of those guys who couldn't come quickly...and was open to ass play...and had a pudgy chest.
I'm not a lesbian though, so I'm almost sure it wouldn't.

Jan 05 11 - 1:51pm
p

if only it took one sexual experience with one man to experience good sex....i hate to say this, but only after years of experience and different partners is it possible to understand what good sex with a man is. sex with each boy friend has been better than the last. with experience and age comes better sex. just because she didn't enjoy having sex with some college guy doesn't mean she's a lesbian. falling in love with a guy with great moves might just turn this lesbian straight if sex is all it takes in distinguishing a raging lesbian from a straight chick.

Jan 05 11 - 2:35pm
SC

so, p, do you have to go out and have sex with tons of women over the course of several years to figure out if you like chicks?

Jan 05 11 - 2:50pm
es

@SC, p has a great point. The point is not whether the author is lesbian or not, but that one random sexual encounter would not be enough to determine whether a person is straight or not, if that was all the decision was based on.

Jan 05 11 - 4:10pm
mk

i think it's a not-very-good story, that's all. sort of like being drunk for the first time. everyone cherishes their own story, and no one else's story is even mildly amusing. she had a mediocre sexual experience with a dude. so have i. it's not captivating.

Jan 05 11 - 7:36pm
abc

I like the story, but the picture is misleading. 2 girls kissing?

Jan 05 11 - 7:37pm
KS

Maybe you have to be gay to get it. I completely relate to this story. My moment took me a lot longer to get to. She's not saying that the sex was bad. It was enjoyable even. She just realized that it wasn't what she needed. He could have been the best lover in the world, but it wouldn't have scratched her itch.

Jan 05 11 - 11:29pm
AD

Yup, as a lesbian, I can totally relate to this story too. I've had crap sex with guys, good sex with guys, and even great sex with guys. Doesn't matter, because I just don't like and definitely don't fall in love with guys. I'm a lesbian and happily certain of it.

Jan 05 11 - 11:30pm
AD

I'm a lesbian and yup, I completely relate to this story too.

Jan 06 11 - 12:22am
michael

I have a problem with her needing to realize. I've known many lesbians, even slept with a few, the one thing they all had in common is they knew the were gay and they never accused softball for it. Yes, they slept with me and they are gay, reasoning was they liked real flesh from time to time.

Jan 06 11 - 12:29am
SC

@es, but the story did not in any way claim that one mediocre sexual experience was the best way to judge your own sexual orientation. The author basically said that the quality of the sex was not the point at all, or even the experience at all. It seemed to me that really, it was something she knew the whole time, and all the "test" really proved was that the test was silly. So while p may have a great point that you can't judge your sexual orientation based on one experience in a hypothetical world where that is how people judge their sexual orientation, it has nothing to do with the essay.

Jan 06 11 - 2:54am
ricochet

Sounds like a Starzz version of a penthouse letter. I call bullshit.

Jan 06 11 - 6:56am
K

Michael... "real flesh"? Well, this lesbian just threw up a little in her mouth. I hope you were joking.

Since you decided to go there... I'm not sure your "real flesh" can compete with my sweetie's knowledge, stamina, or - to be blunt- fist.

Jan 06 11 - 11:45am
AD

@K I am pretty sure Michael meant a penis versus a dildo

Jan 06 11 - 4:25pm
k

Ad, obviously. Which is why, in addition to 'real flesh' sounding totally unappetizing, I also take issue with Michael's apparent belief that sex with a penis is more real, or can provide something that the many ways lesbians have sex cannot.

Jan 06 11 - 4:38pm
gigi

Damnation people! What is this fixation with labelling ourselves? Why can't we just love the one who loves us best, for as long as it lasts, without proclaiming "Ah! this proves I'm a ...."? It really is a waste of emotional energy and it simply plays into society's need to categorize and then discriminate against us.

Jan 06 11 - 6:47pm
KS

@gigi, because some of us just aren't wired to love people of an arbitrary gender. I'm a man who loves men. Like the author, I experimented with bisexuality, but in the end I realized it was never going to work for me. Rather than wasting emotional energy, this realization has saved me (and others) massive amounts of time and energy. Don't take this as an attack on bi-sexuality.. I believe there are people that can operate under your philosophy. But not all of us.

Jan 06 11 - 7:05pm
thomas

I have to agree with lesbians about the female form being inherently beautiful - I've always been an enthusiastic fan myself. I just don't understand the comment about "...reaching up for tits that weren't there". The guy does have nipples - and some girls don't have much more than that (Note: I actually think small breasts are very sexy - on a woman). And I would think that the penis should make up for the lack of breasts. After all, breasts can only "squirt" under very specialized conditions (i.e. in nursing mode). Don't turn your back on the penis - its demonstration of lusty love for the female is simple, sincere and always quite obvious.

Jan 06 11 - 11:20pm
AD

@Thomas - your description of penis just definitely turned me off. Boobs are awesome, and pussy is even better. Think about it - do you want a woman or a man in *your* bed?

Jan 07 11 - 9:29am
brittanyluover

BORING! I want those 2 minutes of my life back.

Jan 07 11 - 4:34pm
a dude

Shallow. She hardly knows this guy - on an intimate level anyway, goes and has sex with him DURING HER PERIOD and then wonders why she didn't have a good time. Good lesson for the guys - get a relationship, then have sex - not the other way around - it doesn't work. I think that applies to the gals too, what do you think girls?

Plus the period thing's a bit of a clincher. I don't ever ask my wife of 19 years to blow me when she's on her period - although she has offered several times - I just don't like the idea of me getting off and not her. Just because she's on her period doesn't mean she won't get turned on. It feels cruel somehow. Sometimes we've done it anyway (she certainly doesn't mind) or I've looked after myself in private, or put it off so I can feel totally crazy-horny for when she's off it :) The guy sounds like a bit of a jerk too.

Jan 07 11 - 5:44pm
Honeydarling2

Having identified as bi for years and finalizing realizing that men really didn`t do it for me even if I liked them as people, I can totally relate to this story. There`s a distinction between thinking someone is attractive and wanting to fuck them. The ultimate question is does the author miss men's bodies? No. That's because like me, she is a lesbian. Liberating!

Jan 07 11 - 9:38pm
Ken

Although I had always found men attractive, I refused to enter into a relationship with one until I was in college.. I had always hoped to meet the right woman who would turn me around and I could lead a "normal" life. It wasnt until graduating that I fully accepted that women dont do it for me so why fight it ? I didnt get any emotional connectedness with them. I think all gay and lesbian people come to a realization such as this in their 20s.

Jan 08 11 - 11:33am
Kelly C.

The biggest issue I have with the story is not whether or not the author is straight , bi or lesbian. Personally I could care less. Her method of validating her lesbianism is what concerns me .....the "hooking up" under the influence of alcohol. I got the feeling reading this that she had self esteem issues at the time while she was in college. Hopefully it is in the past now and she can get on with her life, happily as a lesbian.

Jan 09 11 - 5:46am
J

I totally identify with this as well. Nicely written.

Jan 09 11 - 12:38pm
Tanya

Gigi, most people feel the need to belong to a group. Sure the "I dont do labels" speech is something that is often muttered but when push comes to shove human beings feel the need to labeled. It is not society that is pushing it but the inherent need to belong to a group that comes from within. That is what young people go through as part of the coming out process. The bigger question I have is why do so many bisexuals usually wind up with their opposite gender in a relationship ? I believe society gravitates us toward heterosexual relationships. Again, it comes back to wanting to be part of the majority. From a sociological standpoint, humans are not "lone wolves" we like validation and like it or not we live in a hetero-normative environment. We gravitate toward familiarity.

Jan 09 11 - 4:02pm
bp

Comments full of straight people complaining about not getting it.
Comments full of gay people understanding entirely.
Hmmm.

Jan 09 11 - 5:17pm
Len

Im gay and although the article is written by a woman you can substitute a man as the author and the story would work just the same for me. Tried sleeping with a woman. Felt NOTHING... Lesbians dont want cock, gay men dont want womens bodies. Isnt that what it boils down to? and its ok. Plenty of straight people to go around for the rest of you !

Jan 09 11 - 5:26pm
WrongOnAllLevels

I just love the taste of pussy - and I'm a dude. Go figure.

Jan 09 11 - 5:27pm
WrongOnAllLevels

I just love the taste of pussy - and I'm a dude. Go figure

Jan 09 11 - 5:29pm
WrongOnAllLevels

I just love the taste of snatch - and I'm a dude. Go figure.

Jan 11 11 - 1:02am
enn

@ a dude:
why do you assume that any kind of sex is out when a woman is menstruating? the logistics are a bit different, sure, but a lot of women get extra-horny/have the best orgasms when they're on their periods.