Love & Sex

Why I’m Hot for Fat Guys

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While successful fat guys are sometimes seen as studs, for the most part, they get placed at the bottom of the dating pool for women. 

Over the past 21 years, I’ve slept with men and women of various ages, races, professions and sizes, and while the qualities that most attract me are a sharp mind and a good sense of humor, there’s no denying that the one type of person I’ve wound up falling the hardest for are fat men. I’m certainly not the only one — I got lots of “me too”s when I declared that James Gandolfini had been my celebrity crush. While successful fat guys are sometimes seen as studs, for the most part, they get placed at the bottom of the dating pool for women. That’s a shame, so I wanted to share a few reasons I think fat guys turn me on and are great in bed.

They’re confident

When a fat guy is confident, outspoken, and passionate about his interests, it shows me he doesn’t take to heart the repeated disdain of a culture that wants us all of us to be as small as possible. The fat guys I’ve dated have mostly had outsized personalities too. Confidence doesn’t have to mean being loud or funny or over-the-top; it’s something that comes from inside that radiates outward. It tells me someone is at home in their skin and isn’t trying to put on an act to impress me.

They’re ballsy

This is a corollary to confidence, but taken up a notch.

When The Good Men Project editor Noah Brand posed nude on the site and declared “I’m Stark Naked. Deal With It.” — that was ballsy. Most of the fat guys I’ve dated have had a way of interacting with the world that says some variation of “Get out of my way.” Perhaps that’s a result of having been teased or judged because of their weight. There’s something incredibly hot about someone who makes the world bend to their will, rather than vice versa, and who’s willing to risk pissing someone off because they believe so strongly in what they’re doing.

They get me to experiment with new sex positions

Certain positions – like missionary – don’t always work well with fat guys. Rather than being disappointed and giving up, my partners and I have improvised, and in the process I’ve discovered positions and improvisations that I’d never really thought much about. It’s gratifying to have been having sex for 30 years and suddenly discover a position as if it’s totally new. If a guy refuses to feel bad that a given position isn’t comfortable because of his size, and instead comes up with an alternative that makes me wonder what I’ve been missing all these years, he’s a keeper.

They’re great kinky tops

I enjoy being held down, “threatened” within the context of dirty talk, and hearing general verbal abuse in a BDSM context. That kind of roleplaying is heightened when someone can pin me down with their body weight — or even just one arm. “Struggling to escape” becomes more literal and, in my opinion, far hotter when I truly can’t move. Fat guys, if you’ve never tried this, I highly recommend it. I get why the soft cuddly image of big guys exists, but I’m far more turned on by the other end of the spectrum.

They don't expect me to be skinny

Which is a good thing, because I’m not. I feel more comfortable with having a body that can fluctuate by as much as 30 or 40 pounds in a year when I know the person I’m with will be into me — not just nominally supportive of me — whatever size I am.. Dating fat guys has taught me to be more confident about my own body, which in turn, I hope, makes me a better lover too.

Image via Flowizm