You're More Likely to Tell a Secret During Pillow Talk

Why we only spill it after sex.

by Kate Hakala

The sweet little nothings whispered in the throes of post orgasmic bliss? Those might actually be your deepest, most sensitive secrets. A new study is looking into why the exchanges during pillow talk could be the most open moments we will ever experience with our sex partners. The University of Connecticut recently released a study to Medical Xpress investigating why we let out our precious secrets after and not before sex. 

Pillow talk, referred to in the science community as the post-coital time interval, is most likely impacted by the hormonal changes that happen during sex and orgasm, provoking us to communicate more openly with our partners. Whether those communications are an, "I love you," blurted out weeks too soon or a "I'm seeing someone else," inopportunely confessed, they are, as a baseline, our most confessional.

The culprit for our word vomit is oxytocin, the feel-good love hormone, which floods our bodies as a result of orgasm post-sex. Author Amanda Denes explains, "While men as well as women experience the post-climax oxytocin surge, testosterone is thought to dampen the effects of oxytocin, which may mean fewer warm, fuzzy feelings post-sex for individuals with more testosterone." Those individuals would be men, of course.

In the study, Denes found that women who had an orgasm during sex were more likely to to disclose positive emotions to their partners than those who didn't come. And across the board, women always disclose more positive feelings during pillow talk than men do. This all comes down to oxytocin, which increases feelings of trust and connection in an individual.

The intensity of your pillow talk also relates to how much you like the person you're humping. Committed couples were more likely to not regret those warm fuzzies expressed during pillow talk, perhaps a sign that their love and trust has already influenced their rate of disclosure.

Which means, when we tell secrets during pillow talk, there's less of a risk involved than, say, in the middle of a grocery store aisle. The person we are lying naked beside just labored over us until we came, and they probably came too. Our bodies are racing with chemicals telling us to connect with them and maintain the relationship with the high. There's not a better moment to slip in a small disclosure—"You mean the world to me," "I'm really happy," "I returned your hideous Christmas gift,"—than when your body and feelings are literally drunk on love.

Image via Veer.

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