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Hey, did you know in North Korea they have a tiny-handed politician just like us? But whereas our jackass with a bad haircut wants to ban Muslims and Mexican, Kim Jong-un wants to just destroy joy. One escapee told NK News:

“‘Sex is a form of hedonism that people aren’t allowed to talk about or experience,’ she revealed. ‘Of course people have sex … It’s just that sex education didn’t exist and family planning was sparse.’”

That means no porn, either of course. But just what are the damaging effects of not taking Salt-N-Pepa’s advice? Well more STDs for starters. Also back alley abortions. And likely all kinds of other unforeseen awfulness, but that’s not all. Turns out old Kim Jong doesn’t isn’t too keen on his own rules.

“A new report on claims the Pleasure Squad is made up of 2000 North Korean girls who are chosen at random by soldiers — and sometimes are even taken directly from their own classrooms. The girls must meet a specific criteria, says the report: They must be under 5’4″, ‘free of scars and blemishes, and had to have a soft, feminine voice.’ They must also be virgins. Once chosen, they are no longer allowed to speak to their families—who have no idea where their daughter is going, only that she will be participating in ‘important government projects,’ the report claims.”

So here’s to you, North Korean ladies. Either you are in a psycho’s sex cult with one of the doughest losers in history or you can’t get enough info about sex to make your husband do anything interesting in bed.

What can we learn from our favorite horrible dictatorship when it comes to love and sex? Well first off don’t make laws that start to look similar laws created by a crazy person and second, when you see a small-handed person running to rule your country, stop them!