If a picture is worth 1,000 words, a well-constructed emoji stream is worth a whole novel. But how can you be sure you’re speaking the international language of Japanese pictographs fluently? We’re here to guide you, with Emoji Prescription.
When an old flame moves on – so far on they’re actually walking down the aisle with someone else – it can be hard to know what to say. So don’t say a word, say it in emoji! Whether you’re happy for them or considering speaking now instead of forever holding your peace, here is what to text.
1. For the one you barely dated and haven’t spoken to in years but still Facebook stalk and are actually happy for:
“Heard you’re getting married! Happy for you, congratulations!”
2. For the one you still enjoy sending angry messages to when you’re drunk:
“Good for you, asshole.”
3. For the impending marriage that really seems unexplainable:
“What happened? You get (her) pregnant?”
4. For the one that got away:
“You said you weren’t ready for marriage.”
5. For the one you’re dead set on convincing that you’re over them:
“I’m actually so happy for you I spent like ten minutes emojiing a happy wedding love block for you!”
6. For the one you’re currently psycho stalking:
“Just drinking some wine thinking about how fun it would be to cap your fiancé, LOLLZ!”
7. Say it like André 3000 in “International Players Anthem”:
“Too soon! Don’t do it! Reconsider! Read some literature on the subject! You sure? Fuck it.”