Three '80s Reboots from the Makers of MTV's Teen Wolf

Exclusive leaked script pages from upcoming remakes of Soul Man and Teen Witch.

By James Brady Ryan

MTV's Twilight-influenced remake of Teen Wolf premieres tonight, but it's not the only '80s teen classic that's making a comeback in updated form. Luckily for you, we at Nerve got our hands on three exciting screenplays from projects currently in production, and we're sharing selections from each to whet your appetite. Get ready — your childhood memories are about to get a whole lot moodier.

Soul Man

The controversial '80s comedy Soul Man concerns a teenager who wears brownface to get a scholarship to Harvard Law. It'll soon return to the big screen in this updated version, a painful drama of a young couple struggling with their love. Shia LaBeouf and Zoe Kravitz have signed on for the lead roles of Mark and Sarah.


EXT. COLLEGE QUAD - DAY

MARK, shirtless but covered in makeup, stands in an empty Harvard Yard. He stares with pain in his eyes towards the main campus. SARAH stands near him, but he is turned away from her. MARK looks over his shoulder as SARAH approaches.

MARK
You shouldn't have come here, Sarah. I told
you - we can never be together.

SARAH
Mark, just talk to me. Just tell me what's going
on. You owe me that.

MARK
There are things you don't know about me, 
Sarah. Things you can never know! You'd just 
end up getting hurt.

LIGHTNING booms overheard as the sky darkens. SARAH, almost crying now, comes toward MARK, trying to embrace him, but he shifts away from her grasp.

MARK
I'm sorry, Sarah. But this is it. You won't see me
again after today. At least... not like this.

SARAH
Mark, you're scaring me. What is so terrible that
you think you can't tell me? I love you, Mark!
And that's stronger than any secret.

It begins to rain. MARK, resigned, lifts his arms to the increasingly heavy drops. The makeup begins to slowly run off his exposed upper torso, revealing the pale white skin underneath.

MARK
This is who I am, Sarah. But you know the 
man I am inside. You have to understand... I 
never meant to hurt you. I only did this to be a 
part of something real - I've searched for that 
my entire life! And I found that... with you.

MARK draws closer to her.

MARK (CONT'D)
Also, I didn't want to pay for law school.

SARAH stares for a moment, confused. Then her face softens slightly, a smile appearing at the corners of her mouth.

SARAH [laughs]
What the fuck? Super, super racist, dude. Oh 
my God... That's just... wow.

SARAH turns and walks away, shaking her head. MARK stands in the rain, dumbstruck.

SARAH [muttering]
You have got to be fucking kidding me...


Commentarium (4 Comments)

Jun 06 11 - 2:31pm
hr

Man, Soul Man was crazy racist. This list is awesome.

Jun 06 11 - 2:48pm
gingerbelle

'Soul Man' proving once again that the 'right' wing knows how to play the game, and think that their base is completely brain dead mouthbreathers. Instead of presenting their base with a solid, well written and concise argument on why they think affirmative action is bad, they turn to Hollywood. The education approach would reach maybe 2% of the base, one movie about a man in blackface so he can get into Harvard reaches the other 98%. They know that the intellectual argument against affirmative action, especially in the 80's was weak at best. They also know Hollywood is the best way for them to slowly put their entire agenda out in the open under the guise of entertainment. In the mid 80's to mid 90's, the private military industry/mercenary industry was just getting started. Knowing the public probably wouldn't go for this kind of shit on paper, we got a crop of mercenary as hero movies. ...It's been that way since the beginning of the film industry.

A few liberal actors do not a liberal industry make

Jun 08 11 - 3:31am
puddyfydge

OMG. Please no Soul Man. Smh. Not good.

Jun 08 11 - 3:34am
puddyfydge

LOL. Great script (COLLEGE QUAD - DAY) by the way. Nice... LOL :-)