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If you still don't know how to iron a shirt, you're not going to learn from this video. However, when people take the time and energy to overproduce sexy videos on household chores, we feel obligated to give them a shout out. Also, they're right, folding towels in thirds does help maintain flat edges. Ironing your towels though, that's for freaks.—NP

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We have this amazing toaster. It works perfectly. It's shiny and stylish. We might even say we love it. But, despite its excellent form and functionality, we are not in love with our toaster. We are not objectophiles. And we can't fall in love with an inanimate object. But according to this article, plenty of people have fallen hard for radiators, model trains, iBooks, and other sexy yet useful things. Obviously, there's a lot going on here, and we don't quite know how to respond. We're not even sure Objectophilia is for real, but we thought you'd probably like to read about it. —NP

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Back when we lived in Austin, our favorite bar was a ramshackle, converted railroad car called Donn’s Depot. For a while, before the sorority parties discovered it and took over, we were the youngest people in the bar by 20, 30 years. And the greatest thing in the world was to sit in a corner booth and watch the oldtimers two-step. Puts it all in perspective, you know? See if you don’t agree when you watch this video. Maybe, at 70 years old, we’ll finally dance. (via Neatorama) —SH



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On Saturday, over 1,000 women in Johannesburg broke the record for the biggest gathering of pregnant women. The women in this photo don't have anything to do with the event, we just like their painted bellies. The event’s organizer plans to have women in other South African cities compete to beat Johannesburg’s record. Cape Town and Durban, get ready to bring it.

If you plan to not be eligible for a South African, pregnant lady meet up, have your manpanion check out the IUD for boys.


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We spent our share of summers at camp, and honestly, we never had much fun. The food was terrible, the water in the lake was freezing, they made us get up and sing really early in the morning, and we always ended up sharing a bunk bed with either the snoring girl or the girl who stopped showering after the second week. In general, there was far too much physical activity and not enough personal space. The TV show Kid Nation, airing on CBS next fall, looks like camp if the counselors had been television producers and cameramen. Kids go to a ghost town, build a prepubescent society, eat a lot of candy, and compete for a $20,000 solid gold star. We’re pretty sure this is exploitative, what we're waiting to figure out is whether it's also cute. —NP

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You’re familiar with online dating sites. And you’re familiar with online underwear sites. But have you ever seen a site that’s both at once? Introducing Migros, a site that lets you shop for sexy skivvies and the person you’ll be wearing them for. Brilliant, right? Leave it to the crafty Germans. (via Atomic Sex Kitten) —SH

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We heard the rumor on Friday that Amy Winehouse was getting married in Miami. And we heard a rumor today that she got married in Miami. The Internet has been saying all sorts of mean things about tattoos and scars and missing teeth, but we're going to take the high road and wish her the best of luck. If Prince loves her and "the hair is always on point," that's good enough for us. —NP

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R. Kelly, the man who once referred to himself as "the lesbian, R&B thug," told Hip-Hop Soul magazine:

I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now.

This seems only appropriate from the man who wrote I Believe I Can Fly for Space Jam, and who Rolling Stone credits with some of the worst lyrics ever. But if there was ever a reason to love R., it's that he inspired this episode of The Boondocks. —NP

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Saying we want to see the Olsen twins in the new James Bond movie is like saying we want to see our little brother dislocate his shoulder and make his arm wildly flap around. We don't want to see it, but for some reason...we really want to see it. Like our brother's flapping arm, it seems impossible to us that the Olsen twins could exist at all, much less move. —NP

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We hear it's going to rain this weekend. Everywhere. So why not set aside time to enter our Bad-Date Contest? We're looking for humorous mini-essays, 500 words max. Think NPR with an optional dash of Spice Channel. Email them to baddate@nerve.com, and redeem your pain for amazing prizes. More details   and the first entries   here.

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Here are seven places in New York City where seven girls have had really fun sex. We're happy they enjoyed themselves, but seriously, a hardware store? Because she likes the way hardware stores smell? Alright that's so weird it could be cool. But of all the places to have public sex, there must be more interesting spots to hit it than a rooftop. We think that you all could do them one better. Not to get all Penthouse Forum up in here, but where's the weirdest place you've stolen a moment, or two, or twenty? —NP

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In honor of the third anniversary of gay marriage in Massachusetts, NPR's Day to Day profiled gays and lesbians eager to get hitched as well as those who aren't so into marriage. Turns out not everyone's rushing to set up camp behind white picket fences. But, if James Dobson asks, they definitely are, and they're planning to move to his block and hang giant rainbow flags out of their windows.—NP

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Too bad Jimmy Dean Sausage doesn't have whacked-out commercials where people go from furs to bikinis after one bite of weiner. Guess these folks are just … Hungary. (Ooh! That just HAPPENED!) —SH

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Ah, nostalgia ads never get old. (And if they do, don’t tell us. ‘Cause we’re not gonna stop linking them!) Here, we are introduced to the “Psycho-Expander,” a name indicating that, clearly, someone in marketing needs to be fired. The Psycho-Expander promises to double your lung capacity and “enlarge the chest to its full beauty.” See how much work was required before breast implants? Also, it comes with a hipster sweatband, which allows the user to immediately join Loverboy and/or live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. (Thanks to Paul.) —SH

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Remember last week when everyone told you that oral sex causes throat cancer? At the time, were you thinking, "that's sounds kind of like an April Fool's joke, but it was in the news, so I guess it must be true"? Yeah, we're a little embarassed for buying the story now that Violet Blue bothered to look into the research. While there still may be a link between oral cancer and hummers, there's no need to lock your jaw and throw away the key just yet. No one's really sure why the study found a connection. So keep on washing between your toes, cleaning behind your ears, using protection, and eating the meat until another overblown news story commands you otherwise.—NP

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- Luke and Owen Wilson bring their moptops and Cubist noses together for The Wendell Baker Story. Is it the new Bottle Rocket?

- Parker Posey and Hal Hartley reunite with Fay Grim.

- Once aims to be the Irish Hustle & Flow.

- Severance is like The Office. But once again British. And bloodier.

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Nerve's editors list the 50 best date movies of all time. For each, we've picked the best scene to make your move, whatever that move might be. We have rigorously tested each one. Take the print copy to the video store, and get yourself cinematically appreciated all weekend long.

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Deeply fond of pink frosting? Don't watch this PSA. On the other hand, if you're carelessly promiscuous with an appreciation for metaphor, drop everything and click play. Personally, we're never again eating food that's been passed around by faceless teenagers.

It's Friday. We know you're just watching videos and filing your nails. And, they're related: disturbingly cute French anti-AIDS PSAs.—NP

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Wednesday marked Bob Barker’s final day hosting The Price Is Right. This marks the end of an era. Who will sexually harass the Barker girls now? Honestly, we love Bob, and we thought this was a good time to test out your feelings on Barker and a few other iconic game show hosts. Which one do you want coming on down? Which one do you want to wed in a tasteful early morning Burbank ceremony? And which one do you want to electrocute via Black & Decker’s giveaway toaster? —SH

Marry, Fuck, or Kill?

• a. Pat Sajak


• b. Alex Trebek


• c. Bob Barker

If Einstein had giant breasts, would anyone have taken him seriously? We've got to admit, we found his boobs in this video pretty distracting. But boobs will always make a lot more sense than the theory of relativity. The only body part harder to understand than the theory of relativity: the taint. —NP


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Looking to increase the number of sperm donors in Britain, comedian Danny Robins went on tour persuading men to give it up. Donor numbers are low because British law doesn't protect the anonymity of a sperm donor. So, a guy who just wants to shoot off into a cup may worry that in 18 years some kid with a tattoo of a bloody knife on his neck will show up at his door and try to call him Dad. Whether Danny succeeds or not, the BBC program about his tour in a mobile sperm donation center (the Sperm Tank) would be worth watching just to see him harass British MPs to give up their goods. —NP

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Because you've been so wonderful this week, we present you with the Top 10 Pioneers of the Strip Tease. Drool over the photos of Evelyn West, watch Candie Barr shuffle across the stage in pasties, and curse God and your parents that you were born 50 years too late. When we get that time machine, first stop is the El Ray Theater, 1952. —NP

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This jaw-dropper of a training video about the sex lives of senior citizens with dementia teaches us many things; mainly, that seniors with dementia have sex lives. Pretty freaky ones at that. Between adultery, public masturbation, girl-on-girl action, and wild games of put-put, there's hardly any time for bingo and shuffleboard. The film is a bit long, but Anne Meara (aka Ben Stiller’s mom) narrates in a voice so soothing it almost takes the "ew" out of grandparent sex. Almost. —NP

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On last night's Daily Show, Samantha Bee coined a new fetish, proclaiming, "I'm a NILF hunter — and the 24-hour-news networks are my Serengeti." "Her screen says Baghdad," Bee says of one CNN correspondent, "but her open neckline says 'Bag these.'" Do not miss her description of each channel's offerings, including Fox's "hardcore NILFs" and MSNBC's "dirty-over-thirty anchors." — MM

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We aplogize for not giving you the play-by-play on Phil Spector this week. You deserve to know about Phil Spector, and you deserve to know about his hair. So far at the sock hop that is the Spector murder trial:

The prosecution has tracked down a number of women who claim that Phil Spector pulled guns on them after they "spurned his advances." Meanwhile, Debbie Harry tells anyone who will listen that Spector once pointed a gun "in" her boot. For some inexplicable reason, Debbie Harry has not been called as a witness for the prosecution.

It looks like the evidence against Spector is stacking up, but back in 2005 he told Inside Edition why these women are testifying....they want to be on Inside Edition. Sorry ladies, looks like you'll have to be charged with murder first.

Seems like this guy will be poolside drinking Coronas in no time, doesn't it? —NP

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We didn't have high hopes for Molly Shannon returning to host Saturday Night Live. (Loved her in Year of the Dog, though.) So color us gobsmacked that last Saturday's episode was not only the most consistently funny SNL since Justin Timberlake's first hosting gig (if you scoff, you didn't see it), but it had serious classic-'70s SNL vibes to boot. (If you didn't see the sketch with Dan Rather hosting the Fringe Candidates political debate, including members of the Nazi party and NAMBLA, you have been deprived.)

Additionally — and this is a BIG ADDITIONALLY — it included what is possibly the first display and discussion of camel toe on network television. It happened during a sketch in which Shannon's old SNL character, the blowsy menopausal optimist Sally O'Malley, auditions to be an exotic dancer at The Sopranos' Bada Bing club. We thought it was unintentional, but Shannon pulled up her elastic waistband and went for it. Belushi was never so gonzo. — MM

Full sketch:

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We've always wondered why the last sentient being we felt a caveat-free affection for was our childhood dog, Goomba. What's wrong us with us? Why are we so damaged? Naturally, a high-ranking Bush appointee with crap qualifications knows the answer:

"Though he has no formal research credentials, [Bush's former deputy assistant secretary for Population Affairs] Dr. Keroack has lectured widely from a PowerPoint presentation that uses Loony Tunes characters to illustrate his theory that premarital sex damages the female brain, making non-abstinent women incapable of forming emotional bonds."

Come to think of it, it was right around the time we lost our virginity to Joey Cahill in the walk-in at Pizza Hut that we began our precipitous slide into callous frigidity. We're at least glad to know there's a federal agency called Population Affairs looking out for us these days. Now excuse us while we go rent Logan's Run. ALONE. (via Wonkette)

What's up in our pleasure grill today? NBC's upcoming remake of The Bionic Woman, that's what. The original series starred Lindsay "Sleep Number" Wagner as Jaime Sommers, a tennis pro rebuilt with bionic parts after a skydiving accident. Originally introduced on special episodes of The Six Million Dollar Man — which some of us will never admit to re-enacting in our backyard with our first-grade girlfriend, and pet beagle as the Bionic Dog — Jaime went on to battle evil fembots and mad scientists on her own two-season wonder.

The new version, overseen by the producers of Battlestar Galactica, will attempt to be the Heroes of Wednesday night; it stars Michelle Ryan (who?) as Jaime and Katee Sackhoff (Galactica) as her nemesis. The network's announcement was a little heavy: they said this version will be partly metaphorical, reflecting the overextended schedule of the modern woman, and that "Jaime's journey of self-discovery and inner strength will help her embrace her new life". Hey, fellas? This is not Beckett's Happy Days. This is not Oprah. Give us fembots! Give us bionic dogs! Be warned, NBC: you are messing with serious history. Can they pull it off? Judging by this clip of a spectacular bionic ass-whupping, Ryan and Sackhoff have some giant earth shoes to fill. — MM


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More reasons to love The Sun: Two weeks ago, England’s most respected tabloid ran a story about Richard, a man fired for a seven-year erection. The headline? “Dick Fired for Working Too Hard.” You’ll have to read to the last paragraph to enjoy the real kicker, however. The name of the company he worked for? Chubbs. —SH

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- Read dating advice from dating coaches;

- Take this dating poll, and learn the worst lines to put in a Personals profile, the best scenario for a first date, how many people everybody's slept with and how soon, etc.

- Check out the new column Dealbreakers: ruminations on all things that can kill a date dead. First up: the push-up bra and the goatee;

- Watch this classic breakup scene from Bananas. It stars Woody Allen and Louise Lasser, Woody's first wife, who apparently schooled Diane Keaton in stuttering and Mia Farrow in mumbling:

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There's a lot to love about the Wedding Ring Coffin: It's little, it’s cute,
and you can engrave it with empowering messages like "I Do… NOT." Now that your divorce is final, it’s time to bury painful memories and feelings and let yourself be reborn into a life of blind dates and tube tops. —NP

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The British documentary Virgin School follows 26-year-old yet-to-be-deflowered James as he studies "the art of intimacy" at an Amsterdam sex school. James learns how to dance sexy, cuddle, and get jerked off in the shower. We're very happy for him, but hopefully, future sex encounters will have more romance and fewer rolling cameras.

Since one documentary on virgins hardly scratches the surface, Britain's Channel 4 will also air Make Me A Virgin about Evangelical kids who don't want to have sex, and Desperate Virgins, "an investigation into the lives of three people who have yet to have sex." Set those TiVos, Brits. —NP

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What can we tell you about this video? A group of boys get it on with an ottoman. Man, back when we were teens, we had to walk ten miles in the snow just to hump a pillow. Have fun at Prom, boys. Careful your corsages don’t pierce the leather. —SH

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Cops do the darnedest things. In Edmonton, a female cop was punished for downloading a desktop that read, “I [heart] Gay Porn” onto someone’s computer during a raid. The good news? She is now a proud member of the Kappa Alpha fraternity. In other cops-related hijinks, a Michigan police officer stole someone’s pot stash and made brownies. Think that’s funny? Just wait till you hear the 911 tape. This is the most hilarious shit we’ve seen all day, and we're not even halfway through our stash. (via Neatorama) —SH

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According to this tattoo gallery, if you tattoo a monkey on your stomach, your belly button can be its asshole. Same with a cat. Or a cow. Vaginas can be tattooed to look like very scary things we'd rather not see vaginas looking like. Also, if you tattoo nipples on your butt, people may mistake it for boobs. Well, no they won't, but it'll end up on the Internet, and we'll all admire your creativity. —NP

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People are rightly pissed about this figurine of Spidey's wife and domestic servant Mary Jane. Betty Friedan is about to come back from the dead and hit someone at Marvel on the head with a rolling pin. Wow, we'd forgotten how much fun it is to be outraged about sexism. Let's go watch commercials and get upset that wives are always cleaning up after their husbands!

By the way, while MJ is keeping house, ever wonder what other Marvel characters do at their day jobs? —NP


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The supremely foxy Sofia Loren has promised to perform a striptease if the Naples soccer team goes up in ranking. Naples, this is bigger than you now. You’re playing for all of us. —SH

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In case you haven’t heard, Bud Bundy was busted for pot. In case you haven’t heard, Bud Bundy has another name, David Faustino, which we refuse to acknowledge. As we were saying, Bud Bundy was busted for bud and offered up, for our money, one of the better mugshots to come down the pike in some time. If you stare into his eyes long enough, you can see a three-dimensional boat. Or maybe a spaceship. Or the tragic legacy of child actors. But this booking gave us a chance to learn more about Bud. Did you know, for instance, about his short-lived career as rapper D Lil? There’s a lot you didn’t know about Bud Bundy. But you’re going to learn about it in his upcoming Lifetime Movie.

The only question is: Who can play Bud Bundy? —SH

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Jerry Falwell, Fundamentalist preacher and founder of Moral Majority, dead at 73. TMZ has a little fun with this.

So it has come to this: The phrase “That’s so gay” has spawned a lawsuit.

Oral contraceptives being developed to help control population of kangaroos and other animals.

Newsweek hopes you know that you might have chlamydia.


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One brave Illinois native has raised the bar on culinary invention. Two words: Pizza beer .—SH

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This is so totally our new desktop. (Via, of all places for breaking Hoff news, CuteOverload)—SH

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Men, are you unlucky in love? Are you tired of looking for “the right one”? Do you have a masochistic streak? A drinking problem? Then we have the answer for you: VH1’s reality show I Love New York is casting for its second season. Those of you who watched last season know the show hosts a corncopia of nutjobs, ex-cons, and Chippendales manmeat. Here’s how one prospective contestant, “countyjail,” describes himself: “All you pricks out there that think you know what my girl New York wants and needs, you all just need to go fall back.” Hmm, isn’t that Shakespeare? Anyway, you don’t have to audition to play along. You can also vote. And you better. Currently in first place? Sanjaya.—SH

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When some asshat spraypainted the word "fag" on out lesbian Erin Davies' Volkswagen Bug, she kept on driving it. She's even going cross country in the car this summer to "confront homophobia."

For all you straight guys who worry that your Miatas are too gay, you could be driving a VW Bug covered in rainbow stripes and hate slurs. —NP



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Ladies and gentlemen, the Nerve Dating Issue has arrived, like a warm spring breeze and a free box of condoms . Two weeks of romantic (and anti-romantic) editorial goodness. Today, on tap:

1. The encyclopedia we can all use … The Pickupedia!

2. Will Doig asks: When did it become okay to watch television on a first date?

3. Rebecca Traister writes about the ways in which blogs have ruined the getting-to-know-you fun of dating: “It was like reading spoilers . . . for life . . . with typos.”

BONUS: Annsley Chapman’s Nerve story about the current media fascination with college hook-ups gets discussed on Salon.

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Remember in college when you realized the people who get really mad about porn and gays and women who have jobs are the biggest freaks? Well, that's the host of Perversion for Profit. Could this guy be more worked up over naked girls? We like to imagine him going home, putting in a butt plug, and unwinding with a well-worn copy of Chicks with Dicks. (via Susie Bright) —NP

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California women are lining up to have their lady parts shot full of collagen. The G-shot, which has not been medically tested, costs more than $1,800 and has a nasty list of possible side effects, but we hear the sex is awwwesome. —NP

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The networks have announced their fall
schedules. Hope you like those GEICO Cavemen, ‘cause they’re coming to primetime. There’s a new Heroes spinoff, a Grey’s Anatomy spinoff, blah-blah-blah, etc. etc. Being the amateur pervs that we are, however, what caught our attention was this upcoming ABC title: Dirty Sexy Money. Hey, we like ALL those things!

Turns out, DSM might not be half bad. It stars Peter Krause in a drama described as a mix of Six Feet Under and Dynasty. It also stars Jill Clayburgh, Donald Sutherland, and… Billy Baldwin? Well, three out of four ain’t bad. —SH


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Lindsay Lohan has topped Maxim’s Hot 100 List (Tagline: “Welcome to Heaven, Pop. 100”). Other ladies in the Top 10: Rihanna (!), Christina Aguilera (!), Fergie (!!!). It’s like a list selected by 12-year-old TRL viewers.

But it couldn’t be easy to be Maxim these days. The lad mag frenzy is more dated than Friendster. FHM is always trying to bite their style. And just think about all the tape, vaseline, and cocaine necessary for every photo shoot. No wonder they chose Lohan; at least she packs her own supply. —SH


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This weekend marks the opening of The Wendell Baker Story, a film written by, directed by, and starring the Wilson brothers. The film introduces a larger audience to codirector and eldest brother Andrew, best known until this moment as Futureman from Bottle Rocket. But let’s face it: The world is only big enough for two Wilson superstars. There was a day when choosing between these two was as painful as selecting which teeth to extract without novacaine, but we’ll admit it: Our love has cooled. Still, it’s time to throw the goodtime Dallas boys into the gauntlet and see who wins. Ain’t no party like a sibling rivalry party. Old School v. Wedding Crashers? You, Me, and Dupree v. My Super Ex-Girlfriend? Enough equivocating. It's time for the throwdown.

Who Would You Rather: Luke Wilson or Owen Wilson?

UPDATE: There was a time when Owen Wilson would have bagged this competition. That time was 2003. This, being 2007, Luke kicked his ass. The Winner...

Adorable British singer Lily Allen feels “fat and ugly”. Score another victory for the beauty industrial complex. (Read Nerve’s Q&A with Lily Allen here.)

Brave scientists onto something here: No sex leads to more work, less sex.

Popping the latest miracle diet pill? Hope there’s a bathroom nearby.

Man charged with stealing $250,000 in Skittles, which is about a million bucks in rainbow fruit flavor.

Got student loans to pay off? Maybe you should donate your eggs.

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