Drive Time Meditation: Ask Yourself
4/28/2006 5:00:00 PM
“When asked if he would rather be brilliant but impotent or a dumb sex stud, Lachey grins. 'Dumb sex stud. No doubt about it.'” Rolling Stone: music journalism at its finest.
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This Just In: Rice and Rumsfeld on Holiday
4/28/2006 2:01:59 PM
Will just sent us the Washington Post breakdown of Rice and Rumsfeld on holiday in
Baghdad. They're like an unhappy, dysfunctional married couple — he the
bitter, argumentative husband who acts like an angry drunk, and she the
distant wife trying to smooth over his inappropriate comments while
chuckling nervously.
Rumsfeld glared at the reporter. "I guess I don't think it says anything
about it," he snapped . . . Rice broke in, calming the tension. "The security
situation will continue to take our attention and the attention of the
Iraqis," she said, adding, "The terrorists are ultimately going to be
defeated by a political process here."
During a joint meeting with reporters traveling with the secretaries,
Rumsfeld frequently doodled with a black felt-tip pen or stared
absent-mindedly at the ceiling when Rice spoke. Rice would occasionally cast
a nervous glance at Rumsfeld as he prepared to respond to a question.
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Ann Coulter's Showing Skin
4/28/2006 2:00:00 PM
Will Doig, our books editor, has made an important discovery in the field of Ann Coulter Studies: She's getting progressively more naked on her book covers.
For Slander (2003), her body is tastefully (and mercifully) obscured by a
fictional broadsheet.
On the cover of How to Talk to a Liberal If You Must (2004), she appears to be wearing a
dominatrix's latex vest that zips down the front. The classroom setting is
decidedly discipline oriented. And on Godless: The Church of Liberalism (June 2006), she goes for
cleavage-accentuating activewear and an "I'll kill you during the sex act"
dead-eyed gaze. If this trend continues, her next book will arrive in a brown envelope.
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The Ultimate Erotic Art Competition
4/28/2006 2:00:00 PM
Why are we not surprised that this erotic art competition (entry fee: $45 per work) is run out of Miami?
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Kenny Rogers, Cautionary Tale
4/28/2006 1:00:00 PM
Let us now observe a moment of silence for Kenny Rogers's old face, never to be seen again.
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Tabloid Fodder: Feministacular
4/28/2006 12:30:00 PM
Beacon of empowerment: Britney Spears, anxiously pregnant with her second child, is ordering fake cocktails to keep up the illusion that she didn't get knocked up just a couple of months after Sean Preston was born. Meanwhile, K. Fed in partying in Vegas.
Message being sent: Our body, our choice . . . to marry a lout and have two babies inside of two years.
How feminist on a scale of 1-10: 2.
Beacon of empowerment: Denise Richards, who broke free of a possibly abusive marriage to Charlie Sheen and took refuge . . . in the arms of her best friend Heather Locklear's husband, Richie Sambora.
Message being sent: Sisterhood, schimisterhood.
How feminist on a scale of 1-10: 3.
Beacon of empowerment: Angelina Jolie, eight months pregnant, is visiting and offering aid to the worst slums in the world while Brad stays home with the kids.
Message being sent: Women are capable of saving the planet, commanding a fantastic salary, marrying a Sexiest Man Alive and having kids, all while looking gorgeous and windswept.
How feminist on a scale of 1-10: 10.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Porn Hackers
4/28/2006 12:00:00 PM
A group of ultra-orthodox hackers has replaced Israeli porn images with photos of the Lubavitch Rabbi and the warning, ""The holy kabbalah warns that the sin of spilling sperm in vain is the cause for most diseases and misfortune!" For more on porn in Israel, see this article from our Film Issue.
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In The News: Protests and Text Messages
4/28/2006 11:00:00 AM
Today in teacher-student sex: Pamela Rogers is still trying to reconnect with her former student.Twenty-one gay-rights activists were arrested at West Point after protesting the Pentagon's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. How BBC News acts cute: "Bra producers have been forced to offer bigger cup sizes in China because improved nutrition means women are busting previous chest measurements." A Cambodian man killed his wife when she wouldn't have sex with him. "He did not plan the killing, but when she said no the last time, he overreacted," said the police chief. Rosie O'Donnell will replace Meredith Vieira on The View. The latest in the Duke rape case: the accuser reportedly accused three men of raping her thirteen years ago, when she was fourteen. "One moment you are at the height of your powers, ramming home touchdowns all day long, and then because of injury or age, coach says, 'Hit the showers. You’re washed up.' — MSNBC sex columnist Brian Alexander's analogy for a flagging sex life.
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A Good Relationship = Betting Sexual Favors
4/28/2006 10:00:00 AM
"So, here's the story... I said to my girlfriend that any stupid website could get tons of hits, simply because people are bored all the time. She said that I was an idiot and couldn’t make a website that could get tons of hits if I wanted to. After a long argument (mostly centered around the fact that she called me an idiot) we made a bet:
If I could not make a website to get 2,000,000 hits, I would agree that I was an idiot; however, if I could make a website to get 2,000,000 hits, she would have a menage a trois." Judging by how easy getting hits is, we can pretty much guarantee this girl wants to have a threesome at least as much as her boyfriend does. So we might as well help "him" win.
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Drive Time Meditation: The Decider
4/27/2006 5:00:00 PM
This New York Times article applies the President's "decider" quote to interpersonal relationships. If you're dating someone, is he or she the decider, or are you?
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This Just In: Snoop Dogg Arrested
4/27/2006 4:29:25 PM
Snoop Dogg was detained in London after he and his entourage got rowdy in the duty-free store. We have a feeling he did it on purpose to get press for his first novel, out in October.
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Trailer of the Day: Marie-Antoinette
4/27/2006 3:12:57 PM
Sofia Coppola's new film, Marie-Antoinette, looks pretty awesome in English or with French subtitles (this trailer, via the Superficial, has dialogue about breasts and more nudity). Vive la France!
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Prince's 3121
4/27/2006 2:00:00 PM
Prince has always had a way with numbers: "1999," "7," "1+1+1 is 3". Unfortunately, the gift fails him on his new album’s title track, "3121", which takes the unmistakable Prince seduction song (“take ur pick from the Japanese robes and sandals/ drink champagne from a glass with chocolate handles”), and synthesizes it within an inch of its life. Much of the album is stifled by similar overproduction, well-done when it should be raw; Prince needs to get Rick Rubin on speed dial, stat. He still has a few surprises up his kimono sleeve, like the soulful ballad "Satisfied" and the Latin-tinged "Te Amo Corazon." But 3121 is destined to be remembered for its standout track, the off-kilter and over-the-top "Black Sweat," in which Prince promises “U’ll be screaming like a white lady when I count to 3.” — Gwynne Watkins
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Nerve Party Pictures!
4/27/2006 12:20:02 PM
So, now that we're done peeling the Peroni sticker off our desk, we can report that there was a party here at the office last night for the launch of Nerve Video. There were at least four photographers milling about, and two have already posted pix: this one and this one. We don't remember seeing quite so many girls taking their shirts off, but we left before the final case of Svedka was consumed. Oh, and here's a third and fourth.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Porn as Punishment
4/27/2006 12:00:00 PM
In Malaysia, a teacher reportedly forced thirteen-year-old students to watch pornography for not doing their homework. In future news, foreign exchange programs to Malaysia suddenly become very popular.
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Today In CNN Health
4/27/2006 10:55:21 AM
"It's hip to be pregnant": CNN Health headline or Weird Al Huey Lewis parody?"Who you sleep with can hurt you": CNN Health headline or Lifetime TV tagline?
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In The News: Brazil Not as Sexy as All That
4/27/2006 10:29:19 AM
A Brazilian call girl named Bruna, the Little Surfer Girl, has written a memoir where she says "Brazilian women have this sexy image, of being at ease and uninhibited in bed. But anyone who lives here knows that's not true." Except me, Bruna, who is amazingly hot and uninhibited.Quote of the day: "Believe me, I'm not trying to force Jesus down your throat," says priest when talking about sex abuse. Lede of the day: "Not for Antoni van Leeuwenhoek the post-coital cigarette that day in 1677. No sooner had he finished making love to his wife Cornelia than he was up at his home-made microscope, discovering in his semen a “vast number of living animalcules”, little wriggling creatures with rounded bodies and long, vigorous tails." A woman spanked in front of co-workers as part of a "team-building exercise" sues for $1.2 million. Maggie Gyllenhaal should get a cut of that.
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Product Placement: Pimp My Snack
4/27/2006 9:00:00 AM
Okay, we were skeptical, but who can deny the appeal of an XXL After Eight mint.Sprain your ankle? Get yourself a bull penis walking stick.
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Drive Time Meditation: Worst Song Ever
4/26/2006 5:00:00 PM
CNN readers chose Paul Anka's "You're Having My Baby." What do you think?
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This Just In: Virtual Sex Work Pays
4/26/2006 4:00:00 PM
Prostitutes in interactive online games like Second Life are raking it in.
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A Public Service Announcement
4/26/2006 3:35:12 PM
The Jehovah's Witnesses illustrate how you should resist sexual temptation in school.
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Photo of the Day: Queen of the World
4/26/2006 2:40:00 PM
What your neighbor's lawn ornament is really saying.
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Rascal Porn
4/26/2006 1:31:59 PM
A Scanner reader sent us to this site, full of sexualized cartoon animals. We agree with him that the artist who does these may well be Tom of Finland for furries.
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Tight Pants Coming To The Met
4/26/2006 1:09:09 PM
We love our readers because they are at once erudite enough to study the Metropolitan Museum's May-June Calendar and debauched enough to notice that its cover boy, Citizen Jean-Baptiste
Belley, painted by Anne-Louise Girodet-Trioson, is an "18th-century Frenchman with an admirable package."
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Seeking Virgin Bride
4/26/2006 12:00:00 PM
"BRAY, Okla. (AP) - A man has caused an uproar in this southwestern
Oklahoma town by advertising in an unusual manner that he'd like to
pay for a virgin to be his bride.
A sign that 45-year-old Michael Thelemann posted in his yard Sunday
said that he'll pay $1,000 for a virgin bride between the ages of 12
and 24 . . . The new sign also noted
he's not interested in a "pig-worshipping, heathen, white-supremacist
wife."
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In The News: Berlusconi's Your Daddy
4/26/2006 11:40:00 AM
As an incentive to Italian couples to have children, the Italian prime minister sent out a "baby bonus." The message read: "Best wishes for your arrival, do you know that the budget has put aside 1,000 euros for you? Big Kiss. Silvio Berlusconi." Unfortunatley, he sent it to 3,000 immigrant families not entitled by law to the money, so now he's asking them to return it.David Copperfield tricked muggers into thinking he had no money. Meanwhile, his female assistants were robbed blind. Headline of the day: "My huge breasts made my life hell!" The school that expelled this week's crush of the week won't have its funding blocked on discrimination grounds. According to this story, celebrities make pregnancy seem glamorous. The author is clearly choosing to ignore Britney, who, btw, is totally pregnant again, y'all, according to Us.
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Quiz of the Week: The Office
4/26/2006 9:00:00 AM
Who are you on The Office (the American one)? We're Jim Halper, "a laid back, social, outgoing guy who is crushing hard on someone." We imagine most people are.
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Drive Time Meditation: Buzz Words
4/25/2006 5:00:00 PM
This new book, BusiBUZZ(TM): Business Buzzwords for Survivin' and Thrivin' in the Big City isn't nearly as '70s-sexy as it sounds. Do you think you automatically start making more money when you learn what "traction" and "going nano" mean?
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Herb Alpert Is Happy
4/25/2006 2:00:00 PM
Herb Alpert likes the remix of his 1965 album Whipped Cream and Other Delights. We're appalled they changed this cover.
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St. Mario of Assisi
4/25/2006 12:30:27 PM
Atheists are the most distrusted minority in America; if you're an unbeliever and the problem you have is praying to a faceless God, perhaps you should invest in this painting.
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Macaulay Culkin's Not the Only Memoirist . . .
4/25/2006 12:21:52 PM
And turns out My Girl's Anna Chlumsky can actually write.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Caitlin Flanagan
4/25/2006 12:00:00 PM
Housewifery advocate Caitlin Flanagan proves to be more of a reactionary cartoon than Stephen Colbert.
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In The News: So Very Peyton Place
4/25/2006 11:00:00 AM
Is it just us, or does this photo shoot for the University of Chicago's sex magazine look just as academic as you imagined it would?If you don't want your worst suspicions about the Republicans party confirmed, avoid this story about a phone-jamming scheme from 2002, and this one about how Bush said he tried to avoid war "diplomatically to the max." He also said, "I base a lot of my foreign policy decisions on some things that I think are true," he said. "One, I believe there's an Almighty." If you want to go back to bed, we'll understand. Maury Povich has been accused of carring on a "longtime, intimate and sexual relationship" with a producer on his show. The suit, filed by a twenty-eight-year-old producer (not the girlfriend) charges the show with a hostile work environment "where hostility, intimidation, humiliation, ridicule, sexual harassment, as well as alcohol use, was explicit, rampant, pervasive and was condoned." We breathed a sigh of relief when she chose to compare the set to Peyton Place rather than to our office. Lede of the day: "In their quest to create the super warrior of the future, some military researchers aren't focusing on organs like muscles or hearts. They're looking at tongues. By routing signals from helmet-mounted cameras, sonar and other equipment through the tongue to the brain, they hope to give elite soldiers superhuman senses similar to owls, snakes and fish." Writer Lionel Shriver gives his love CV to The Guardian and offers words of wisdom like, "A far more vital rite of passage than losing your cherry is having it squashed under some cad's heel." Denise Richards has been spotted with Richie Sambora, a definite trade-up from Charlie Sheen, which says absolutely nothing about Richie Sambora. Why we hate surprise parties: We always fear they will be held at a Connecticut poetry slam where the host follows readers with "Is this sexy?"
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From Our Inbox: Intern Application #1
4/25/2006 9:00:00 AM
"Worldwide Press Release: "Net Icon and Global Muse Jamie Leigh Set to Conquer Offline World
"NEW YORK, Jan. 17 /PRNewswire/ -- Net icon and global muse Jamie Leigh is set to conquer the offline world . . . (She's) an intricate, complicated human being who dances to the beat of a different drummer. They said the same thing about Albert Einstein, Pablo Picasso, John Lennon and pretty much every great mind through the ages . . . She is one of the first true renaissance women of the 21st century. We've got our popcorn and glow sticks and are enjoying the spectacle. Never before has she seemed so beautifully passionate, deliciously smart and fresh, unapologetic for just about everything, and determined in traveling the world to assume her next creative project. With comparisons ranging from Princess Diana, to Madonna, to the sometimes embattled yet always extraordinarily gifted and talented Michael Jackson, Leigh is one whose future truly does know no limits." Analysis by Gwynne, who runs the intern program: This is far and away the most bizarre internship application I have ever received. Note the press release comparing her to Albert Einstein, Picasso, John Lennon, Princess Diana, and Madonna. Her resume lists all the great things she did in high school: She was the only female student chosen to read the morning announcements! She played Annie! She organized the band concert! I think if I interview her, I will be sucked into a Disney Channel original movie, never to return. Personally, we always think it's good to hire interns who are "unapologetic for just about everything."
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Drive Time Meditation: The Da Vinci Code
4/24/2006 5:00:00 PM
The Da Vinci Code is bringing together Anglican leaders, Filipino Bible experts and the conservative religious group Opus Dei. Wouldn't it be ironic if the book and movie were responsible for creating a true catholic church?
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Late-Breaking News: Equality Now
4/24/2006 4:30:00 PM
Reuters reports on a big problem in China: growing boobs; the story's called "Tempest in a D-cup as bust sizes grow."Rio has introduced women-only subway cars to avoid grab-assing. They're pink-striped. Stockholm's Moderna Museet asked the government for millions to redress the gender imbalance in its collection.
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Mick Jagger Exposed! Not.
4/24/2006 3:43:26 PM
A New Zealand Herald reporter goes undercover to get dirt on Mick Jagger, gets to hang out with him and . . . ends up writing a puff piece: "Jagger was simply the most fascinating man I've ever met. He's sexy, intelligent, learned, enormously funny and passionate. He also never laid a sensual hand on me; always the perfect gentleman, even thanking me for the fabulous time together." If Pamela Des Barres were dead, she'd be spinning in her grave.
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Late-Breaking News: Sexy Nuns
4/24/2006 3:25:40 PM
Judging by the number of grotesque Suri Cruises in our inbox, America's post-partum yen to PhotoShop is peaking today.Headline of the day: "Sexy Nuns Boost Ann Summers Figures." Quote of the day: "I find covering women up extremely sexy," said Ian Garlant, creative director of the Queen's favorite fashion house. Helen Mirren has played Cleopatra, Titania, Queen Charlotte, Elizabeth I and Elizabeth II. But what's her dream role? Martha Stewart. The New York Stock exchange was slapped with a $51 million lawsuit by two cleaners. The accused allegedly said, "Baby, you need some beef on that ass and then you would be perfect for me." Like sirloin? A lawsuit against Matthew McConaughey has been dismissed. An apparent stalker claimed he tried to kill her. Clearly it's ludicrous, as he's far too stoned to do anything so active. In a case of life-imitates-The Daily Show, a woman fights a school's tolerance policy because she claims it infringes on her right to be homophobic.
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1970-1975: Fastener Fascination
4/24/2006 2:00:00 PM
Bikini Science offers a history of the bikini from the Garden of Eden onward.
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Photo of the Day: Clinica Dental
4/24/2006 12:56:39 PM
We want to go to this dentist. For stick figures in peril, see this Flickr site.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Smut at Christie's
4/24/2006 12:00:00 PM
The largest collection of naughty art goes to auction next week. Christie's catalogue images are usually available online, but not this time. "We do not want to attract visits of the wrong kind," says books specialist Christoph Auvermann. Oh, Christie’s – if looking at free historical pornography is wrong, we don’t want to be right.
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Video of the Day: "Misshapes"
4/24/2006 11:09:27 AM
The Cheers theme, applied to a club where sideparts and cigarette pants outnumber mailmen. Are we crazy, or could this actually be a great TV show?
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In The News: Martha Stewart Is Hot For You
4/24/2006 10:23:20 AM
We'd fine it easier to believe Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad that his country's "activity is transparent" if he weren't doing that with his hands. Martha Stewart is starting a new magazine for the 25-34-year-old demographic. What they think you want to know: how to "throw a great party, make a sundress or redecorate your living room." They sure have our number.A renegade Italian Cardinal calls condoms "a lesser evil" than AIDS. Denise Richards confirms suspicions that Charlie Sheen is, in fact, every bit as depraved as he seems. She claims he's "unstable, violent, addicted to gambling and prostitutes, and visits pornographic web sites featuring young men and girls who appear underage." It appears that works attributed to Bach were in fact written by his second wife. The Times Literary Supplement tells you how to pick up immmigrants: "In London, the best way to hook up with a pretty Ukrainian, Japanese or Danish girl is to visit a salon such as Corrientes on a Saturday night." According to this study, sex offers protection from depression, colds, heart disease and even cancer. A far more persuasive argument than blue balls. Rick Santorum is the least popular senator. Tom Cruise is really cracking up. Now he's telling papers he used to hitch rides with prostitutes. Deja vu: a new bill would make sex toys illegal in South Carolina. And today in Jenny Shimizu: she's claiming she not only slept with Angelina Jolie, but Madonna too. “Far from the domineering, sex-crazed woman many think she is, I found her a very gentle lover. It wasn't about whips and chains."
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Crush of the Week: Jason Johnson
4/24/2006 9:00:00 AM
 | | On the right, with boyfriend. |
The twenty-year-old gay student suspended from a Baptist University in Kentucky after administrators viewed his MySpace page has become a spokesman for gay Christian students. Because neither the state nor the federal government recognize sexual orientation as a "protected status," like race or gender, the policy at the school against homosexuality isn't "legally actionable." The Chronicle of Higher Education article says that before he was suspended, Johnson was the stage manager for As You Like It, the lesson of which Johnson describes as, "Love is paramount and love takes over everything." And for that, he is our crush of the week. — Ada Calhoun
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