Drive Time Meditation: Tiki is Back?
9/28/2006 5:00:00 PM
American Heritage says yes, and you have "sex, rum, World War II, and the brand-new state of Hawaii" to thank.
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This Just In: Long May It Wave
9/28/2006 4:00:00 PM
Radar is back and taking on the really hot topics. Like gay flags.
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Video of the Day: Brad Miller Spent Your Money on Teenage Prostitutes
9/28/2006 1:22:00 PM
Presenting the dirtiest campaign ad (on several levels) that you'll ever see. If you find yourself wanting to support Brad Miller, his campaign website is here.
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The Bigger the Better?
9/28/2006 12:23:00 PM
Researchers from King's College London now report that ring-finger length in women can be linked to athletic ability. Guess long fingers are good for all kinds of things. — Kristin Gangwer
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Utah's Nipples
9/28/2006 12:00:00 PM
Diagram of mammary-inspired place names lifted from this book, which also contains a chart of peninsulas named "Dildo."
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In the News: Lauer Dribbles But Doesn't Score
9/28/2006 11:24:00 AM
In Scanner's world, The Today Show only exists for sexual innuendo. Check out Matt Lauer's reaction when Nigella Lawson asks if he'd like to "dribble her."
Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer says he's the father of her baby, but it's up for debate. Meanwhile, they've found the cause of her son's death.
Thailand has forbidden go-go dancers from performing in view of the military.
A Dallas art teacher may be fired by the school board because a student saw a naked sculpture on a museum field trip. Please excuse us while we beat our heads against a wall.
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Product Placement: The Yoni Coin Purse
9/28/2006 9:00:00 AM
The idea of actually putting coins in it makes us very uncomfortable.
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Drive Time Meditation: David Wright and Jose Reyes
9/27/2006 5:00:00 PM
You don't have to be a Mets fan to wish the amazingly hot young players David Wright and Jose Reyes would start dating each other. What other sports figures would make a good couple?
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This Just In: Another Dubious Dirty "Family Guy" Clip
9/27/2006 4:00:00 PM
Yes, another one. This winner involves boobs and a vibrator. Ah those Family Guy writers, such sophisticates.
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Saved by the Bell: The Porn Years
9/27/2006 2:42:00 PM
Dustin "Screech" Diamond has sold the rights to a sex tape featuring him, two women, and a dirty sanchez. Alleged working title: Saved by the Smell.
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Don't They Have the Same Thoughts?
9/27/2006 1:15:00 PM
Judging from our inbox, you're all obsessed with the Liam Sullivan video "Shoes." And we can't say we blame you. Here it is, courtesy of Nerve Video.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Stripping Mona Lisa
9/27/2006 12:00:00 PM
Using laser scanning, art researchers have uncovered a very fine gauze veil on the Mona Lisa's dress, making it likely that she was pregnant at the time she was painted. Okay, we get it, she's an enigma. Can we all move on now?
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In the News: Mel-ennium
9/27/2006 10:36:31 AM
While promoting his upcoming film "Apocolypto" in Texas, Mel Gibson criticized the Iraq war and compared the United States to the collapsing Mayan civilization depicted in the movie, saying "The precursors to a civilization that's going under are the same, time and time again."
Of course, when the film was screened in Oklahoma last week, he came wearing a mask and wig.
A Kentucky man attempted robbery wearing only a thong and carrying a knife, videotaped himself doing it and then left the video behind. Which part of this sounded like a good idea when he thought it up?
Bush says the Iraq war will look "just like a comma" in history. Personally, we're hoping to be more of a semicolon.
— Gwynne Watkins & Kristin Gangwer
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Quiz of the Week: And I'm Still Hysterical
9/27/2006 9:00:00 AM
The Hysteria Quiz tells us that we're "highly advised" to get treatment. How bad is your impending hysteria?
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Drive Time Meditation: Roadster Lovers
9/26/2006 5:00:00 PM
"My name is Craig Anderson and I'm from www.RoadstersWay.com, the social network for the Roadster lovers.
RoadstersWay is an online place where you can connect other Roadster addicts, share thoughts, pictures, knowledge and news as well as support others, celebrating the passion for the top gears. I wanted to introduce you to the site, and to ask for any feedback you can provide, as I strive to improve it and take it to the next level of online roadsters community." Do you have any advice for Craig?
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This Just In: Aaron Carter's Extreme Makeover
9/26/2006 4:00:00 PM
When did Aaron Carter start looking like a badass?
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Come Joust with Us
9/26/2006 3:24:00 PM
A friend of ours worked on this film about bike jousters, which is screening tonight at the Museum of Modern Art. Whet your appetite by reading Sex Advice from Bike Jousters.
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Scanner Giveaway: Be Your Own Pet Tickets!
9/26/2006 2:04:00 PM
Scanner has been given two sets of two tickets for Be Your Own Pet at the Bowery Ballroom (NYC) on Thursday the 28th! You want 'em? Tickets go to the first two people to email us 1) their name, and 2) the name of their pet.
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PSA: Boobie-Thon
9/26/2006 1:05:00 PM
The fifth annual Blogger Boobie-Thon launches on October 1st. Send them a photo of your boobs, raise money for breast cancer; donate $50, see lots of boobs. It's a win-win proposition. (Above photo taken from the "Artsy Boobs" section.)
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Baby, You Can Drive My Car in 13 Years
9/26/2006 12:00:00 PM
A three-year-old British boy named Jack Neal bought a pink convertible on Ebay using the "Buy it Now" option. We think that John Waters should immediately secure the film rights to the rest of this kid's life.
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Our Vacation Photos
9/26/2006 11:30:00 AM
Down in Pennsylvania, Gwynne discovered that even if you take a vacation from Scanner, Scanner doesn't take a vacation from you. (And yes, the road sign is real.)
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In the News: Bill Clinton,George Clooney, Girls Gone Wild
9/26/2006 11:00:00 AM
All good liberals are obsessively watching Chris Wallace's Bill Clinton interview, even though Fox has pulled the uncensored video from YouTube. You can read about the tricky Fox News edit here. Or watch Keith Olberman's point-by-point response to Wallace's accusations here.
Meanwhile, George Clooney denies the urge to run for office.
And Joe Francis has been fined half a million dollars for not documenting the ages of the Girls Gone Wild.
And the creepiest headline ever: 'Croc Hunter' fan to feed baby's placenta to reptiles in honour of hero.
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Click Your Heels Three Times & Say "Your Body is a Wonderland"
9/26/2006 10:00:00 AM
Double-Take Headline of the Day: John Mayer looks for magic, sneakers. Don't you think it'd be much more fun if he were looking for magic sneakers? — Bill Bright
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From Our Inbox: What's on your iPod?
9/26/2006 9:00:00 AM
I have produced a number of explicit erotically charged stories for women to listen to. They combine sounds of nature, men and women and narrative to make a particularly delicious experience.
The stories coax, cajole, push, demand, count, entreat the listener to orgasm. These stories are entirely well recieved, with buyers come back again and again.
I would be grateful for a link or a feature, I can send you a story as an example.
Thanks so much.
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Drive Time Meditation: LAG, TFS
9/25/2006 5:00:00 PM
 | | Yes, it stars a teenage Diane Lane. |
The question to ask yourself on the way home tonight is: If you've never seen Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains yet, why not?
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Photo of the Day: Barbra's Breasts
9/25/2006 4:00:00 PM
We particularly enjoy the comments on this unfortunately lighted shot: "I say 'a star is born' each time those uncorseted Streisand breasts slap together. No wonder the sky is so bright!"
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What Have Our Interns Been Buying?
9/25/2006 2:23:00 PM
Really, we're curious.
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Cars on Stilts are the New Cheap Motels
9/25/2006 1:23:00 PM
No better way to spice up your relationship once the spark has fizzled than spending a romantic night in a car on stilts. The Italian artist Federico D'Orazio mounted his contraption in Amsterdam to provide for "real love in a city where sex is dominant." — Jennifer Waller
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Nightmare Be Foreplay
9/25/2006 12:00:00 PM
According to Popbitch, Helena Bonham Carter was overheard telling a film crew that her husband, Tim Burton, is "a demon in the sack" and that he has "a black and white stripey cock."
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In the News: You Can't Put a Price on That
9/25/2006 11:09:17 AM
Headline of the day: Court says $32,000 is too much to fondle bosom
Meanwhile, bikini bar owners in Tampa are fighting to keep groping legal.
Prince Charles suddenly realized he could issue public denials. Sadly, he picked a really stupid thing to deny.
None-too-hot Florida women compete to be the hottest mom in America.
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Crush of the Week: Nikola Tesla
9/25/2006 11:05:00 AM
If the Serbian government says it's The Year of Tesla, who are we to argue? In fact, there's little about Nikola Tesla that's not sexy: he came to America "to harness the power of Niagara Falls," spent his days shooting giant electric currents across his lab, and thought up such ideas as "lasers," "robots" and "the radio." We look forward to watching David Bowie play him in the upcoming film The Prestige — but we must admit, Tesla worked the mustache way better. And for that, he is our crush of the week. — Gwynne Watkins
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The Fellas at the Freakin FCC
9/25/2006 10:15:00 AM
We've received several tips about this R-rated clip that was allegedly censored from an episode of Family Guy. However, we're a little suspicious of its origins. So until we confirm that it's real, please enjoy "The FCC Song."
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Drive-Time Meditation: Ch-ch-changes
9/22/2006 5:00:00 PM
Posh Spice was photographed wearing five different outfits in the space of 24 hours. What's the maximum number of outfits you've gone through in a single day?
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This Just In: Jolie Gets Objective
9/22/2006 4:00:00 PM
Angelina Jolie has signed on for her "dream role" in an adaptation of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. Seeing as all of Rand's books are about chiseled-looking people with high ideals and no emotions, we couldn't imagine a better fit.
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Tabloid Fodder: The Face of Adversity
9/22/2006 3:20:20 PM
In Touch
Ordeal:The death of Daniel, Anna Nicole Smith’s 20-year-old son. In Touch has nabbed the family’s last photos of Daniel, Anna Nicole and the baby two days after it was born. In Touch points out that "Anna Nicole is finding it nearly impossible to cope with the emotional pain of losing her son." Daniel was "her closest friend." But "sadly, Anna Nicole never had a chance to say goodbye."
Adversity is not easily understood, and must be explained through photos, timelines, and extreme sympathy.
Us Weekly
Ordeal: Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown’s divorce. Whitney Houston has had a difficult life. In April 2005, The National Enquirer ran a story called "Inside Whitney’s Drug Den!" Courtney Love, "horrified by the story," stepped in to urge Whitney to rehab. Now sober, Whitney is "radiant." According to Us' sources, Whitney is "doing exceptional." Bobby is not doing so well. "He’s hysterical," said a source. Whitney and Bobby will fight for custody of their 13-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina.
Adversity is great when it’s over so you can cheer on the winner, ridicule the loser and scold the competition.
Star
Ordeal: Nicole Richie’s struggle with her weight, which has lead to a "bobble-head look." Nicole says her weight loss is stress-related and that she’s not anorexic. Star compares Nicole to Karen Carpenter, who "died with an empty stomach." Is Nicole okay? "Not by the looks of it!" says Star. The magazine's eating disorder consultant says that people who are too skinny "begin not to think rationally and, as a result, become more fearful of everything." Star thinks Nicole "may be inadvertently ruining her greatest dream" — she may not be able to get pregnant.
Adversity is an opportunity for rhetorical questions and admonishment.
— Sarah Harrison
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Willie Nelson's Stash
9/22/2006 2:46:38 PM
Here's a photo of the drugs that the police confiscated from Willie Nelson's tour bus. Just in case you've never seen two pounds of marijuana and mushrooms in one place.
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Brad and Angelina, Actual Philanthropists
9/22/2006 2:20:00 PM
We had a dream last night that we were hired as Brad and Angelina's babysitter. Then it turned out we were supposed to watch their REAL kids, who were fat and lived in the basement. (The adorable African children were only flown in for photo ops). This has nothing to do with real life, in which Brad and Angelina are giving away their money.
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Paris Hilton, Philanthropist?
9/22/2006 1:10:00 PM
The Superficial pointed us to this video of Paris Hilton giving a homeless man a hundred dollar bill at a McDonald's drive-thru. We understand her conspicuous on-camera display of generosity. But the McDonald's employee who wants to hug her has us totally mystified.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e6537#6537 |
Bad Behavior at High Noon: The Secret Lives of Impressionists
9/22/2006 12:00:00 PM
A new book collects the personal lives of Impressionist painters, revealing that Monet slept with his patron's wife, Pissarro moved with one of his mother's maids, Cézanne had a lifelong secret affair and Manet died of syphilis.
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Not That We Watch The View or Anything
9/22/2006 11:34:00 AM
We're impressed by Rosie O'Donnell's ability to cause at least three controversies in her first week on The View. Was anyone watching yesterday, when she expressed a desire to see those topless photos of Tiger Woods' wife and everyone looked really uncomfortable? Good times.
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In the News: Once I Ran To You, Now I Run from You
9/22/2006 10:23:18 AM
Headline of the day, from Canadian Yahoo: Getting egged in the eye can cause serious injury. (The whole article consists of Canadian Yahoo going "You guyyyys, cut it out!")
40% of Britons would be willing to give up sex if it meant they would live to be 100. Way to take all the fun out of retirement homes.
Sometimes we think we wouldn't notice inflation if it weren't for Starbucks.
Take my tears and that's not nearly all, tainted spinach...
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Michael Jackson's Leprechaun Theme Park?
9/22/2006 10:17:20 AM
"Michael is deadly serious about this idea."
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In the News: Late Edition
9/22/2006 5:25:00 AM
Madonna and NBC are squabbling over her insistence that she hang from a cross during her upcoming TV special; Madonna says that the shocking gesture iszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Choosing your baby's sex is the new drowning your undesirably genitaled baby in a well.
The average American home now has more television sets than people. Wake up, America! It's new clothes and alcohol that love you back, not TV!
What makes Focus on the Family's James Dobson come thisclose to swearing in the press? Republicans.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e6522#6522 |
