Drive Time Meditation: What's Up, Toronto?
12/14/2006 4:51:37 PM
Yesterday, when we posted about a Toronto diner with Japanese women in French maid outfits, a Scanner reader made an interesting observation: “Fetishy restaurants, giant tattoo conventions, and now the first annual Erotic Arts and Crafts Fair... What’s up, Toronto?” Or, to translate: What’s this aboot? Has all the smut that once graced Times Square run for the northern border? Is Toronto much naughtier than we realized? If you’re from Toronto, or know anything more about this, please advise. Holiday vacations hang in the balance.
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Cancel the Show. Please!
12/14/2006 3:56:23 PM
The American Family Association is circulating an email to protest a version of “Joy to the World” that aired on Two and a Half Men. The letter begins: “CBS and actor Charlie Sheen have used the Christmas season to ridicule and mock Christ, Christmas and Christians. CBS approved actor Charlie Sheen's vulgar adaptation of a favorite Christian Christmas carol.” Here’s the Christmas carol, as quoted in the email: "Joy to the world, I'm getting laid; I'm getting laid tonight. We'll light the yule log, deck the halls. And then we'll play some jingle balls. It's been a real long wait – this is our second date! It's Christmas Eve and I'm getting laid."
That's in poor taste, all right, but not for the reasons listed. (Thanks to Scanner reader Christine for forwarding the email.) UPDATE: Here's the clip. As if you want to watch it.
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This Just In: Incredible Awesomeness of World's Tallest Man
12/14/2006 3:24:09 PM
It used to be that the world’s tallest man couldn’t ask for much. Maybe a picture in the Guiness Book of World Records, a spot on the Today Show, and a permanent display case in a national museum, where his bones would rattle in perpetuity so that some fat kid in a Nickelback T-shirt could point, laugh, and make a joke about his dick size.
Not today. Today, the world’s tallest man has made the world a better place, for he has saved the lives of two imperiled dolphins. Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-9 herdsman from Inner Mongolia, reached his 42" arms into the stomachs of two dolphins who had swallowed a deadly piece of plastic. Instruments failed. Technology failed. Everything failed but one thing. That was Bao Xishun, the world’s tallest man.
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This Week in Year-End Lists
12/14/2006 3:00:00 PM
The year-end lists are coming at us faster than Nicole Richie in an SUV. How to keep up? Here’s this week's ranking of the best of “best of” lists.
1. Rolling Stone’s 100 Best Songs. #1: Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy”
2. Do Copenhagen’s 50 Best Music Videos. #1: OK Go’s “Here It Goes Again:”
3. New York Film Critics Circle awards. Best Picture: United 93. (For backstage drama on the NYFCC awards, read this “Screengrab” entry.)
4. iFilm’s Viral Videos of the Year. #1: “Brokeback to the Future:”
5. Salon’s Top 10 in Fiction. Apparently, art can’t be ranked or something, but the first listed is Dave Eggers’ What Is the What. And their Top 10 in Nonfiction, topped by Rich Cohen’s Sweet and Low: A Family Story.
6. Time’s Photos of the Year: Also unranked, though this photo of an Iraqi woman watching a car bomb explode is the first picture displayed.
7. And it wouldn’t be 2006 without… The Best of Craigslist. Sample subject line: “Dear cat: Don't disturb blinds when I'm watching porn”
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Video of the Day: Man Enjoys Groove as Well as Discount
12/14/2006 1:13:05 PM
If more people danced like this at Best Buy, we would totally shop there more often.
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Product Placement: StarLux Laser Hair Removal System
12/14/2006 1:00:00 PM
If there’s one thing the Epilady and Nads have taught women, it’s that hair removal is NOT a do-it-yourself thing. Also, never order infomercial products on a Malibu Rum binge.
But now there are lasers. Lasers change everything. Don’t believe me? Watch Tron. Laser hair removal systems are the wave of the future. And with Palomar’s new StarLux system, you will no longer be forced to fork over $35 for a bitter old German woman to wax your honey hole. Instead, you can alienate your friends and loved ones by asking them to do it for you. Hey, look, it’s also got soft tissue coagulation and non-ablative skin resurfacing power! It’s a stiff price, but maybe if your soft tissue were coagulated, someone would finally love you.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Prep School Penis Pranks
12/14/2006 12:00:00 PM
In my day, a good senior prank was stealing the rival team’s mascot or taping someone’s buns together. No, wait. I’ve transposed my own memories with John Hughes movies again. So what was a good senior prank at my school? Can’t think of anything, except when the football players all got crabs.
Anyway, none of it rivaled the prank at this tony British prep school for sheer size and spectacle:
“Pranksters drew a willy on the roof of a top school that was so large it could be spotted from SPACE. But it went unnoticed until it was seen on Google Earth.”
I have to give it to them for elaborateness and precision. It’s not a perfect likeness, but detail is hard when you’re working on such a large scale, in the dark, high on whippets. The Sun gets props not just for breaking this story but also for their headline: “Piddler on the Roof.”
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And the Winner for Best Name in an Article About Circumcision
12/14/2006 11:16:15 AM
...goes to Kevin M. De Cock, quoted in today's New York Times article, "Circumcision Halves HIV Risk, U.S. Agency Finds." Mr. De Cock is the director of H.I.V./AIDS for the World Health Organization. And we're guessing we're not the first people to find his name high-larious.
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Geckos Saving Money on Sex Toys, Car Insurance
12/14/2006 10:38:59 AM
Lede of the Day: “The survival of at least one species does not depend on men. The female mourning gecko has found a way to simulate sex and produce eggs, rendering her male counterpart redundant, scientists have found.”
Well, at least the males are still good for something:
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In the News: Tragedy, Triumph, Awards Ceremonies
12/14/2006 9:47:20 AM
Senator Tim Johnson (D, South Dakota) undergoes late-night brain surgery, fate of Senate hangs in the balance.
Princess Diana’s death officially ruled an accident, but somehow, we sense there’s a blogger out there who’s unconvinced.
Freak accident restores eyesight to blind WWII vet.
Today in Stupid Criminals: Escaped convict uses library computer, logs on under his own name, and checks his MySpace.
Golden Globes are nominations announced, and no one's more excited than Emilio Estevez. In the Best Actor Category, Leonardo diCaprio--sadly, like so many of us--is competing against himself.
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Nude Scene Advice From... Sylvester Stallone
12/14/2006 9:18:27 AM
On how to get Sharon Stone, his costar in The Specialist, to do a nude scene.
“Let it be known, I didn’t want to do this scene because Sharon was not cooperating. We get to the set and she decides not to take her robe off. The director asks only a few of the crew to remain, and she still won’t take it off. I promised her I wouldn’t take any liberties, so what’s the problem? She said, ‘I’m just sick of nudity.’ I asked her if she could get sick of it on someone else’s film. She was having none of it, so I went down to my trailer, brought back a bottle of Black Death vodka that was given to me by Michael Douglas and after half-a-dozen shots we were wet and wild.”
Sylvester Stallone has been answering readers’ emails at Ain’t It Cool News for days and days. It’s the ultimate fanboy interview. Stallone comes off as humble, funny, and warm. Here he is on Dolly Parton:
She knew something about everything. She’s the kind of woman that 100 years ago would’ve been strong enough to cross the country in a wagon train, fight off Indians if necessary, give birth without any help and then find time to strung a guitar and sing around the campfire.”
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Quiz of the Week: What's Your Sexual IQ?
12/13/2006 5:00:00 PM
Take this 15-question quiz to find out your sexual IQ--or, more accurately, your IQ of random tidbits relating to obscure words and Australian sex habits. I scored 10 out of 15. Guess it's back to the OED and Outback Steakhouse for me.
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We Bet Graydon Carter Doesn't Have His Own Doll
12/13/2006 3:56:48 PM
If this action figure of NPR personality and New York columnist Kurt Andersen doesn’t get you hot and bothered, then I just don’t know you anymore. The toy comes courtesy Highly Flammable Toys, a high-end figurine site (who knew?) whose proprietor, Russell Tucker, makes customized action figures of everyone and anyone. That’s right: Even you. (Not surprisingly, this costs lots of money.) He made this Kurt Andersen doll--which comes with headphones, sock puppet, and a Reuben sandwich--for an episode of Anderson’s show Studio 360. Now all we need is an Ira Glass and a Terry Gross action figure. One word: Threesome.
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Every Rose Has Its Thorn
12/13/2006 3:36:47 PM
The US version of FHM—the laddie mag known for its exaltation of fake knockers, underboobage, and Brooke Burke—will close shop come March. Somewhere, a vaguely familiar starlet wearing a thong and a tube of Vaseline is shedding a tear right now. But the good-time guys at Fleshbot won’t let FHM go without a tribute. Raise your Jergens and your box of Kleenex in salute.
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And Now, Costumes for Superheroes You Know Nothing About
12/13/2006 2:46:03 PM
Say what you will about Japan’s “”Tissueman and Paperman,” but this guy is real popular in the girls bathroom come midnight.
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This Just In: Peter Boyle, We Hardly Knew Ye
12/13/2006 2:14:21 PM
Peter Boyle was once a monk. He was good friends with John Lennon, who was the best man at his wedding. He was a fine singer and a hulk of a man. He was such an incredible character actor, in movies like Taxi Driver and The Candidate, that it is almost hard to remember him in them. He disappeared into each part. He is easier to remember as the cranky curmudgeon on Everybody Loves Raymond, but I prefer to think of him as the monster in Young Frankenstein, where he gave life such lines as “MMMMM,” “ARRRRR,” and of course: “For as long as I can remember people have hated me. They looked at my face and my body and they ran away in horror. In my loneliness I decided that if I could not inspire love, which is my deepest hope, I would instead cause fear.”
He died yesterday. He was 71.
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Eternal Forces of Commerce, Evil, Everyday Low Prices
12/13/2006 12:52:58 PM
The evangelical Left Behind video game series—in which players wander a post-apocalyptic Manhattan converting people and killing nonbelievers (watch the trailer here)--is so offensive it's hard to know where to start. Even Christians can’t get behind it. Critics, including prominent church figures, are asking Wal-Mart to yank it from their shelves. We're not down with that. But it's interesting to hear Wal-Mart, who famously refused to carry Sheryl Crowe's album and the original back-cover art for Nirvana's In Utero, explain why they'll keep carrying the game: "The product has been selling in those stores. The decision on what merchandise we offer in our stores is based on what we think our customers want the opportunity to buy.”
Well, they better hope the apocalypse doesn’t come. No one left is gonna buy that shitty game.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Urban Parents Unleashed!
12/13/2006 12:00:00 PM
Babble has launched! And with it comes a bundle of new reading material, including a tour diary from mom Kori Gardner (one-half of Mates of State), a new story by Walter Kirn, and a personal essay by AM Holmes. Subtitled “Let Me Count the Ways I’m Afraid of My Daughter,” Holmes describes the anxiety that preceded the birth of her baby girl:
”I thought of all the girls I hated growing up, girls who were mean to me, girls who were catty, bitchy, who made a point of not including me and letting me know, girls who were too cool, girls who were too perfect, girls who everyone liked. The fact was, I kind of hated girls.”
And if you’re kinda fed up with urban parents, well, Lisa Gabriele is too.
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Cosplay With a Side of Curry Fish Balls
12/13/2006 11:00:00 AM
Combining at least three fetishes into one convenient dining experience: The “I Maid Cafe” in Toronto, run by a 24-year-old economics student. And they serve bubble tea. (Thanks, Bryana.)
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In the News: Snip, Snip
12/13/2006 9:48:14 AM
A new weapon in the fight against AIDS: Circumcision.
Nearly 8 in 10 Americans polled think we should change strategy in Iraq. Also, think answering phone surveys will win them free stuff.
German lawmakers want to prosecute gamers for virtual crimes.
Headline of the Day: “Lawmaker Aims to Allow the Blind to Hunt.” Of course, it’s in Texas.
And the good news? Moderate drinking is good for you.
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Video of the Day: Star Wars Holiday Special
12/13/2006 9:02:22 AM
This hurts Harrison Ford more than it hurts you. Although, frankly, it will hurt you a lot. UPDATE: But it will hurt George Lucas more. He pulled the plug on the video. Too bad he wasn't so merciful with The Phantom Menace.
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Drive Time Meditation: Real or Staged?
12/12/2006 5:00:00 PM
In case you haven’t seen this footage of Pauly Shore being knocked out by some dude in a cowboy hat during a show in Odessa, Texas, please enjoy.
Shocking, right? But is it staged? It’s certainly possible a drunken redneck did what America has been wanting to do since Son in Law. But it's also possible that somewhere, most likely in the presence of strippers, Pauly Shore could be having the last laugh...
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This Just In: Kanye/Evel Kneivel Puns Jump the Shark
12/12/2006 3:13:19 PM
Evel Kneivel is suing Kanye West for an upcoming video somehow involving the pun “Evel Kanyevel.” I don’t care about West donning a white jumpsuit, or what it means to the legacy of famous daredevils, but these horrible puns must be stopped. Jalopnik has more info, and reasons to groan. You are ALL guilty of bad puns, in the first degree.
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"I Know I Left My Lipstick Around Here Somewhere..."
12/12/2006 2:34:32 PM
At once capturing every woman's fantasy and worst nightmare, Dita von Teese mounts a giant tube of lipstick. In a NYT article that did NOT include this photo, Guy Trebay reports:
"In what had to be a highlight of Art Basel Miami Beach, the four-day, three-night culture orgy that annually sweeps over this glorified sandbar, Ms. von Teese mounted a stage set in a pool at the Delano Hotel and did one of her signature burlesque shows, a coy striptease that left her naked except for a G-string and pink crystal pasties, straddling a giant lipstick that bucked like a mechanical bull."
The picture comes from this website, where they mostly want to talk about Dita's fake boobies. But I'll have you know those are custom-made Louboutin boots.
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From Our Inbox: Somebody Buy This Woman a Frappuccino
12/12/2006 2:00:00 PM
Nerve gets all kinds of story pitches. Here is one you won’t be reading anytime soon. "Working Title: Diary of a Starbucks Virgin."
Let’s go right to the nut graf:
“As a single woman, I have yet to join my compadres in their daily ritual of standing in line at Starbucks for what appears to be something better than sex, but clearly more expensive. I've seen people walking out of Starbucks, clutching their cup of latte in the trademark white cup with the green logo, and I think to myself, I wonder what that's like? Is it a grande? What does the whipped cream taste like? I just don't know. I want to know, but then again, I'm afraid to know.”
Wait a minute: Are we still talking about Starbucks? It's true that Starbucks is, as a general rule, "clearly more expensive" than sex. It's also true that both go better with chocolate sprinkles.
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Does This Entry Make My Ass Look Big?
12/12/2006 1:18:38 PM
There’s a great scene in Mean Girls in which the trio of Plastics congregate around a full-length mirror.
“My hairline is so weird,” says one girl, smooshing her forehead.
“My pores are huge,” says another, clawing at her nose.
And the third: “My nailbeds suck.”
We could talk all day about female beauty anxiety and/or whether or not you look fat in that dress. But before we do that, let me share this compilation of 1920s cosmetic ads for women, as well as another retro assemblage called “Her Secret Past” (found via Metafilter). Consider this ad for Lysol:
“A familiar, pathetic figure—the wife who always gets tired and wants to leave the party before anyone else. So often it is her own fault. No woman who has a normal foundation of good health can be forgiven for failing to ‘stay young with her husband.’ Science offers a simple protection for her health and youthfulness—sane habits of living, sane habits of diet, and the PROPER practice of feminine hygiene.”
That’s right: She left the party because her cooch stank. Don’t even get me started on all the things I don’t understand about this ad—what does the Lysol do, exactly? What would be the improper practice of feminine hygiene? And if you run out of Lysol, is it wrong to use Ajax?
Boys, don’t worry. You get to have anxieties too. “His Secret Past” on Flickr.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Seeing a Man About a Horse
12/12/2006 11:59:52 AM
In today's “40 Best Celebrity Rumors” story, written by the fearless and foxy Nerve staff, we dispel the legend that Catherine the Great (#10) got it on with a horse.
Not everyone was so lucky. Like the Seattle farmer who died of a ruptured colon after having sex his own horse. No rumors needed to shame that guy. It’s one thing to have people gossip about how you shoved a gerbil up your poopshoot—or, in the case of one poor eighth grader at my school, a hot dog—but it’s another thing to die from it. Funny? Maybe. Tragic? Maybe. Fascinating? Definitely.
And so there is a new documentary, premiering in January at Sundance, that delves into this bizarre incident. Called Zoo--after “Zoophilia,” the term for an affinity or sexual attraction to animals—the documentary is a “humanizing look” (Sundance’s words) at the doomed Seattle farmer as well as the heretofore unexplored community of zoophiliacs. "No, there's no horse sex in it," director Robinson Devor tells The Seattle Times. "If anyone goes to our movie hoping to see horse sex, they will be greatly disappointed."
Over at Wikipedia, the robust entry on “zoophilia” is chock-a-block with interesting conversation topics, like the debate in psychology over whether zoophilia is an aberration or a genuine sexual orientation, as well as whether it always should be classified as cruelty to animals. So much we don’t understand in this world. So much, so much.
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Video of the Day: Alternate Intro "Happy Days"
12/12/2006 10:38:33 AM
Richie, Potsy, Ralph, and a few less fortunate souls at Milwaukee's Jefferson High.
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In the News: Hot Man-on-Manatee Action
12/12/2006 9:43:21 AM
The NYT reports on Conan O’Brien’s HornyManatee.com. It’s received 3 million hits and new submissions include, not surprisingly, the Shaved Manatee . Says O’Brien, “We don’t want the entire show to be ‘Late Night With Horny Manatee.’ Though, of course, it will become that eventually.’”
Sometimes, frat boys do lose court cases. But that won’t stop more people from suing over Borat.
Tom Delay , shortest blogging career ever?
The Seattle-Tacoma Christmas trees return to the airport.
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Sex Advice From... Jimmy Kimmel
12/12/2006 8:52:19 AM
In the January issue of Esquire, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman talk about what they’ve learned. Kimmel offers these nuggets of wisdom regarding lubricant:
"Kimmel: I still masturbate from time to time. Probably more than a normal person.
Silverman: Really?!
Kimmel: You know what I’ve learned? And this is a practical thing. For many years when I was a teenager, I never thought of using lubricant of any kind. I mean, there was a time when my penis—you would be amazed at what can happen to your penis from overuse. My penis looked like a bunch of broccoli. I mean, something happened to it, and it mushroomed into this—I don’t know what happened to me exactly, but I remember going to the the gym with my father and having to really hide my penis from him because I knew he would rush me right to the emergency room. In fact, it’s something that I think about mentioning to my son. Because I don’t want him to have to go through that same thing. But I’m not going to mention it to my son, because it would be inappropriate coming from his father. But I would like to mention it to anyone else’s son who happens to be reading.
Silverman: He can read this when it comes out.
Kimmel: Are you kidding? I’m not gonna let him read this. But if by some chance he does, I would like to mention to young boys out there, it doesn’t matter what it is—it could be hand lotion, it could be margarine, it could be Crisco—but use something as a lubricant, because it really helps. It can even be your own spit."
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Even Funny Women Think Women Aren't Funny
12/11/2006 5:00:00 PM
Last week, Scanner linked to a controversial Christopher Hitchens piece about why women aren’t funny. Today, Nora Ephron (one of the women interviewed for Hitch’s article), agrees with him: “Why not just get right down to it? Men love jokes, women don't. Men tell jokes, women can't. Men have cocks, women don't. End of story.”
Nora Ephron is a funny woman, and I say that as someone who suffered through Bewitched. But I’m baffled by this. Yes, men are by and large funnier than women, but “Men love jokes, women don’t”?? Whaa? I thought Hitch’s whole point was that women adore jokes—it’s what gets his girlfriends’ panties all sticky and moist. That, and when he spills his white Russians.
Both pieces seem dispatched from a different generation. Consider the female humorists invoked by Hitch: Fran Lebovitz, Dorothy Parker, Roseanne Barr. Now compare that to a brief sampling of funny women cited by Scanner readers: “Sarah Silverman, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Chelsea Handler, Wanda Sykes, Megan Mooney, Kathy Griffin, Laura Kightlinger, Janeane Garofolo, Amy Sedaris, Margaret Cho.” No cocks, but plenty of balls.
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Vegans Having Better Sex Than You
12/11/2006 4:00:00 PM
A new Forbes report on “What to Eat for a Better Sex Life” suggests you get down with tofu and edamame. Soy “binds estrogen receptors, which helps the vaginal area remain lubricated and combats symptoms of menopause — particularly hot flashes.” Other suggested foods: granola, chili peppers, seeds, and chickpeas. So aphrodisiacs like bull testicles, aka Rocky Mountain oysters, aren't so much turn-ons as they are just really, really disgusting? Wish someone had told me before lunch.
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This Just In: Nicole Richie Weighs 85 Pounds! (Also Arrested)
12/11/2006 2:40:57 PM
She may not be able to hold her Vicodin, but Nicole Richie sure takes a cute mug shot. TMZ has a report on the tiny terror’s DUI bust this morning, and it’s hard to know what’s the most note-worthy: The eye witness report that she was driving the wrong way down a freeway? Or her lovely cocktail of Vicodin and kind bud? Perhaps it’s that she weighs in at 85 pounds. When you have the body mass of a golden retriever, it’s perhaps best not to bogart that joint.
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NBC Confused About Sexuality
12/11/2006 1:57:14 PM
So NBC claims the Heroes character Zach is not gay. But wait: Didn’t he basically come out a few episodes ago? And didn’t early media coverage
suggest he would be gay? And isn’t his MySpace page the nervous throat-clearing of a closet case? (Favorite movies: Rocky Horror, Velvet Goldmine.) It’s confusing, and we don’t even watch Heroes. Here, let AfterElton explain.
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Video of the Day: Peanuts Scrubbed Dirty
12/11/2006 12:53:58 PM
The cast of Scrubs offers an alternate script for A Charlie Brown Christmas. Here's Charlie, aka JD, aka Zach Braff, on the holiday blues: "I just don't understand Christmas. I like getting my holiday rectal exam, and sending letter bomb Christmas cards, and decorating my penis with tinsel. But I'm still not happy." (Thanks, Jeff!) In related news, should you want your very own droopy Charlie Brown Christmas tree, Urban Outfitters would be happy to sell you that joke for $24.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Worst. Idea. Ever.
12/11/2006 12:00:00 PM
“Police and firefighters yesterday rescued a Long Island man who had been trapped in his bedroom for four days after piling up a 7-foot-high mountain made up of bags of his own feces, jars of urine and other debris.” In a surprise twist, this man was not Andy Dick.
The New York Post story does not offer clues as to why a 64-year-old was buried in his own filth. It sounds like a ReadyMade crafting project gone horribly, horribly awry.
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Crush of the Week: Laura Dern
12/11/2006 11:12:38 AM
Laura Dern has always been like the cool older sister we never had--the one who lets you borrow her clothes and teaches you about blowjobs. Now, at 39, she’s like the bad-ass aunt you want at every family gathering—eloquent and funny and hotter'n Georgia asphalt. She weathers public heartbreak with grace (Billy Bob who?), and wisely avoids tabloid exposure, despite her marriage to musician Ben Harper. And while other actresses fritter away their talent in soggy romcoms or inject themselves stiff with botox, Laura Dern has busted out with Inland Empire, a messy David Lynch experience that could perhaps best be described as “insane.” But Laura Dern’s performance could best be described as “amazing.” To top it all off, she’s a great interview. And for that, she is our Crush of the Week.
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In the News: Us! (And Some Other People)
12/11/2006 9:55:06 AM
Nerve’s new parenting mag
in the Times’ Sunday “Styles” section: “That Babble, a new online magazine for parents, should be introduced by the slinky literary sex site Nerve.com seems at once ludicrous and altogether logical.”
Ex-communicated archbishop pretends like he didn’t hear the Vatican, installing two married men as priests.
Four-year-old boy in Central Texas suspended for “improperly touching” a teachers aide.
Apocalypto opens #1 at the box office despite, well, everything.
Following a rabbi’s request to add a menorah, Seattle-Tacoma airport takes down their holiday display, removing nine Christmas trees. Even the rabbi is kinda bummed.
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Update: We Have a Winner... Everyone.
12/11/2006 8:37:35 AM
Everyone wins in Friday's Baywatch contest. Well, only one person wins Baywatch on DVD--that would be Daniel, the first reader to enter, who sent in this shot of the Hoff's beefy shar-pei. But everyone can enjoy the spoils. Some highlights from your Greatest Moments in Hasselhoff include his appearance on Conan O'Brien with Triumph the Insult Dog. And, of course, "Hooked on a Feeling":
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Drive Time Meditation: Real or Fake? Tree, That Is
12/8/2006 5:00:00 PM
Pimp Your Tree is for those of us who want to get into that holiday spirit but can't (or won't) lug home a giant pine. So will you have a Christmas/Christmakkuh tree this year? If so, real or fake? Mine is made with sparkly blue tinsel and covered with pink glitter balls. It's the seasonal version of Liberace.
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This Just In: Best Argument Yet for Spray-On Condoms
12/8/2006 4:00:00 PM
"The Indian Council of Medical Research says Indian penises are too short for standard condoms." Say whaaa? Read a summary of the report here.
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Freebie Fridays: Baywatch! Baywatch! Baywatch!
12/8/2006 2:47:00 PM
How could today possibly get any better? In a word: Baywatch. Nerve has the complete first and second season on DVD. And much like Pam Anderson, we are dying to give it up. Here's the contest: Email us a clip of your favorite Hasselhoff moment, from any point in his illustrious singing/acting/drinking career. This can be a video, an audio file, a photograph, a news story, or merely a quote. Subject line: "The Hoff." Polls close today at 6pm EST.
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Today in Zarf: Zarf's Humble Beginnings
12/8/2006 2:30:00 PM
I fail at many things, but I’ll be damned if I won’t be your breaking news source for all things Zarf. Zarf, as you may recall, is the groundbreaking new character on All My Children, a Ziggy Stardust-meets-Trent Reznor rocker set to undergo a sex change later this season. Troy Patterson at Slate has been nipping at my heels
on the Zarf beat, but he has better things to do than keep following this story. Not me. Today in Zarf: A flashback. Here’s Zarf’s first appearance on AMC earlier this season. The video had legs on YouTube for its bizarre namedrop of Faith No More’s Mike Patton, and its edgy, Tom Stoppard-like dialogue: “You’ve been reading my blog!” And the clip’s great cliffhanger, “Oh no, shooters?”
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Video of the Day, Part II: I Hate Drake
12/8/2006 2:00:00 PM
It's feeling like a video day at Scanner. Here, writer Bill Nolan reads an excerpt from his childhood journal. I could do without the audience laugh track, but the story and animation are nifty. It's from "Mortified," a series in which authors share embarrassing personal artifacts from their youth. God, I hope nobody ever finds my love notes to Mr. Belvedere. God, I hope I didn't just blog that. (via Boing Boing)
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Video of the Day: Kid Knocked Out by Giant Cock
12/8/2006 1:00:00 PM
Via: VideoSiftIt's a fetish grudgematch: The Cat o' Nine Tails vs. a 30-inch dildo.
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Bad Behavior at High Noon: Snipes Meets Blade of Justice
12/8/2006 12:00:00 PM
Actor Wesley Snipes was arrested this morning in Florida on tax evasion charges. We just can’t understand this. He was so good in New Jack City.
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Because Those Sex Tapes Aren't Gonna Just Sell Themselves
12/8/2006 10:27:52 AM
Like blogging, anyone can make a sex video--but the real trick is getting paid for it. (Actually, the real trick is getting Scott Stapp to quit quoting Creed lyrics, or was that just with me?) Thankfully, there's Watch Me, a site that allows exhibitionists everywhere to upload their sex videos and get a percentage of the profits for each minute watched. It's calling itself the "eBay of porn." And you certainly can get "it" here.
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In the News: Pregnant With Controversy
12/8/2006 9:51:20 AM
Camille Paglia is also appalled by Britney Spears, et al: “They are cheapening their own image and obliterating all sexual mystery and glamour, which are the heart of the star system.”
Because pills are so hard to swallow: The first chewable birth control pill. (Mmm, spearmint!)
Fascinating: 13-year-old Utah girl on trial as both the victim and perpetrator of the same crime—sleeping with her 12-year-old boyfriend.
Mary Cheney’s pregnancy stirs up controversy, and not just in Scanner’s comments section.
Old news, but in case you missed it: Government-sponsored abstinence programs
target twentysomethings. What’s next? Abstenince programs for married people? Oh, wait: That’s called marriage.
New Canadian television comedy about being Muslim in North America--Little Mosque on the Prairie.
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Happy Nude Year in Film
12/8/2006 8:51:11 AM
A list of the year’s 10 best nude scenes in film. Salma Hayek tops the list for Ask the Dust, which would probably also top a list of year’s worst movie titles. At #5 is Jennifer Aniston’s lovely and shiny rear, which is probably my fondest memory of watching The Break-Up. But were there really no good male nude scenes this year? Guess it's an off-year for Ewan MacGregor.
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