Track 16: "All for Swinging You Around," The New Pornographers
2/14/2007 11:00:00 PM
Didn't think we'd let the day end without a little Neko Case, did you? High school looks different than we remember it here. A little less, umm, everything. So we have a Sharks v. Jets of dancing cheerleaders and nerd-chic jumpropers, but at the end of the day, they're just people. People who need choreographers.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9128#9128 |
Track 15: "Love Will Tear Us Apart," Joy Division
2/14/2007 10:00:00 PM
A classic anti-Valentine's Day tune. As opposed to "Baby I Got Your Money," which is super-duper pro-Valentine's.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9127#9127 |
Track 14: "I'm Under Your Spell," Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2/14/2007 9:00:00 PM
The lesbian love song from Buffy musical. According to Nerve musical expert Gwynne, the ending is one of the naughtiest things ever to sneak on network TV.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9123#9123 |
Track 13: "Baby I Got Your Money," Ol' Dirty Bastard
2/14/2007 8:00:00 PM
The most WTF booty jam of all time. Wait, did we post "Trapped in the Closet" earlier today? Correction: The SECOND-MOST WTF booty jam of all time. ODB gets it poppin': "I don't have no problem with you fuckin' me / But I have a little problem with you NOT fuckin' me." Huh. Isn't that Thoreau?
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9126#9126 |
Track 12: "I Like Men," Judy Garland and Peggy Lee
2/14/2007 7:00:00 PM
At some point, someone somewhere got the idea that we were gonna post a video every hour ALL DAY LONG. Actually, our idea was merely to do this till 6pm, but we failed to articulate this to others, who have the seeming incapacity to read our minds. So what do we think? KEEP ON GOING. For a little while anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Judy Garland...and this other woman!
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9122#9122 |
Track 11: "Lips Like Sugar," Echo and the Bunnymen
2/14/2007 6:00:00 PM
1987. Every girl at the middle school dance melted to this song, slathered on extra Zinc Pink lipstick, and rattled her five Swatches on the dance floor. Sometimes, when we see bags of sugar, this song still gets stuck in our head for hours.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9119#9119 |
This Just In: We Have a Winner! Two, Actually.
2/14/2007 5:16:30 PM
Congratulations to Keifel A. and Carrie C., who can’t say Valentine’s Day sucked THAT bad, since they are now the owners of a shiny new Zune. So: Not only was Keifel the VERY FIRST entrant, he also gave two bang-up setlists (his and hers). HERS: “Zaar,” Peter Gabriel; “Un Amor,” Gipsy Kings; “Ne Me Quitte Pas,” Nina Simone; “Everyday I Write the Book,” Elvis Costello (featured above). HIS: “Ziggy Stardust,” Bauhaus; “Up There,” Satan (South Park soundtrack); “Nature Boy,” David Bowie; “Everybody Knows,” Concrete Blonde. Carrie C? Well, her playlist was pretty good, but what sealed it was her hilarious email. What did it say? We’ll never tell. A few words about the 100+ entrants. A) We love you all. If we had a 100+ Zunes, we would give one to each of you. Instead, we’re sending you a coupon good for two at Applebee’s. Kidding: Not even that! Nothing, nothing but this joke, this moment, this air we breathe. Eh, new Zune v. same-old-Scanner-bullshit = same diff, right? B) We had NO IDEA how many songs began with Z. We made up this idea yesterday in the shower at midnight, at which point we could think of exactly one Z song: “Zippity Do Da.” Know how many entrants had “Zippity Do Da”? Zilch. Maybe one, can’t remember. But “zilch” just SOUNDS better. And, if we’re remembering properly, “Zilch” was also a song submitted. And here were other songs that popped up again and again: “Ziggy Stardust,” David Bowie; "Zebra," Magnetic Fields; "Zero," The Donnas; “Zak and Sara,” Ben Folds, a personal fave; “Zing! Went the Strings of my Heart,” Frank Sinatra/Judy Garland; “Zero,” Smashing Pumpkins; “Za,” Supergrass. And they just kept coming: “Zoo Music Girl,” The Birthday Party; “Zoom,” Lionel Richie and the Commodores; "Zion," Lauryn Hill; “Zephyr Song,” Red Hot Chili Peppers; “Zero the Hero,” Cannibal Corpse (Cannibal Corpse!); “Zither,” REM. Working through the letters, other popular choices: “Unchained Melody,” “Up Where We Belong,” “Under the Milky Way,” Magnetic Fields’ “Underwear.” “Never Say Goodbye,” “Nothing Compares 2 U,” Beck’s “Nicotine and Gravy,” “November Rain.” “Erotic City,” “Endless Love,”
“Eight Days a Week,” though the song was apparently performed by like 10 different people. So there you go. Z-U-N-E. Another fun Scanner contest. Mr. Costello, please play us into the break.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9118#9118 |
Track 10: "Sexual Healing," Marvin Gaye
2/14/2007 5:00:00 PM
We heard this song for the first time in fourth grade, several white sequined gloves into a feverish obsession with Michael Jackson, and at the time we were all: Ewww, who sings about sex? That is gross. It makes us feel funny inside. We’re gonna go listen to “PYT” again and moonwalk in our bedroom. Twenty years later, we’re pretty much over “PYT” but we still go weak-kneed for this one. Of course YOU know, and we know, and Nick Hornby and John Cusack know, that the best Marvin Gaye song is “Let’s Get It On”. But this video is way better. Because he actually goes to the doctor. The sexy doctor.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9114#9114 |
Track 9: "Just Someone I Used to Know," Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner
2/14/2007 4:00:00 PM
We’ve loved Dolly ever since she punched the clock from 9 to 5, but it wasn’t until we went to the Nashville Country Music Hall of Fame two years ago that we heard about the Ike to her Tina, Mr. Porter Wagoner—the Liberace cowboy here with the evangelist’s pompadour and the lonesome baritone. (The lovers eventually parted—and thus the world was given “I Will Always Love You”). Wagoner was the TV crooner who introduced Dolly to the masses, but not even a suit with twice as much glitter could steal this woman’s sunshine. Even on a softpedaled ditty like this one: Mercy. What a voice. UPDATE: We have it on good Dolly authority that we have misinformed you about Porter Wagoner and Mizz Parton. "According to her
autobiography, they were NOT lovers. He was just her asshole boss who felt like he made her famous. He sounded like a MONSTER." Sheesh, with that 'do? Can't imagine.
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Track 8: "Little Red Corvette," Prince
2/14/2007 3:00:00 PM
You knew we’d have a Prince song, the only question was: Which one? His videos are surprisingly hard to find online, by the by, aside from the ubiquitous “When Doves Cry”. We thought about posting that, if only for the startling first 15 seconds--naked Prince rising in the bathtub and commanding the camera upwards with nothing but the glory God gave him. Hello, sexual awakening. Woobitta-woobitta. Wait, where were we? There was also “Sexy MF”—great song, dumb video—and some early performances. But we had to go with the world’s best backseat anthem. If this song doesn’t make you want to grind your sweaty, naughty bits in the back of a Chevy Nova, well, then, you were not our high school boyfriend. So the video quality isn’t the greatest and it's not the baroque narrative tapestry of “Doves,” but it’s vintage Mr. Nelson. In the words of a fellow Nerve employee: “When the spotlight comes on in the first chorus…chills.” (Special thanks to Sam for helping us find this one.)
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9112#9112 |
Track 7: "You Know I'm No Good," Amy Winehouse
2/14/2007 2:00:00 PM
The only thing more fabled than the soulful croon on British songbird Amy Winehouse is her last-call recklessness. This is a song for all the bad-news-types we’ve loved, and hated, and fucked anyway. For a male take on the situation, try Justin Timberlake’s “What Goes Around Comes Around”. Not the greatest song, but hey—the video’s got Scarlett Johansson.
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Track 6: "Afternoon Delight," Ron Burgundy and Friends
2/14/2007 1:00:00 PM
Here is it, your afternoon moment of zen. (Happy birthday, Gwynne!)
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9096#9096 |
Track 5: "Trapped in the Closet," R. Kelly
2/14/2007 12:30:00 PM
We can’t ask you to watch the entire 40-minute version of R. Kelly’s flabbergasting, twisted, and unprecedented “Trapped in the Closet” series. Well, we COULD. But we assume you’ve got work to do. So here's our favorite segment, Part 10, because what would Valentine's Day be without a midget shitting his pants?
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Track 4: "Maybe I'm Amazed," Paul McCartney
2/14/2007 12:00:00 PM
Songs about true love can make you gag. This one doesn’t. Well, not us, at least. What’s amazing is how much the video for Linda’s love song resembles the video for another true-love classic—John Lennon’s “Woman”. Not that we’d ask you to choose between Beatles. That’s a “who would you rather?” for the ages. (Shout-out to Julie.)
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9094#9094 |
Track 3: “I Can’t Stop Loving You,” Ella Fitzgerald
2/14/2007 11:00:00 AM
Despite all those upbeat swinging love tunes, Ella Fitzgerald was one lady unlucky in love. This pining little number comes from a 1968 Berlin performance with the Tee Carson Trio. But if you really wanna know what heartbreak sounds like, try this Billie Holiday clip.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9093#9093 |
Track 2: “Master and Servant,” Depeche Mode
2/14/2007 10:00:00 AM
Oh, the 80s. The haircuts. The homosexual undertones. The whips and chains. Here’s the song that taught a generation of teenyboppers about bondage.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9092#9092 |
Track 1: “Pasties and a G-String,” Tom Waits
2/14/2007 9:00:00 AM
We’ve shared a lot of Tom Waits moments in the past few months. Maybe that’s because Tom Waits sings about every type of lowdown love known to man. Here, in a 1979 performance in Paris, France, he performs the ultimate voyeur’s anthem, a song about the strippers and the sinners and the spirits that make the gutter a little less lonely. Obviously, the perfect way to kick off our Valentine’s playlist.
Waits' trademark snarl is in overdrive here. For the uninitiated, a few lines: "Smelling like a brewery, looking like a tramp / Ain't got a quarter, got a postage stamp / Been five o'clock shadowboxing all around the town / Talking with the old man, sleeping on the ground." One of our favorite quotes about Waits comes from a 2002 GQ profile: “A little midwestern girl once wrote him a letter saying that his voice reminded her of the combination of a cherry bomb and a clown, to which he replied, ‘You got it, babe. Thanks for listening.’”
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9091#9091 |
Nerve Giveaway: Love Is Spelled Z-U-N-E
2/14/2007 8:00:00 AM
Valentine's Day--you hate it, you love it. Just kidding: You hate it. But it doesn't have to be like this. Here at Scanner, we're making today a good day in two ways: One, we’re giving away two Zunes. Two, instead of our usual witty repartee with occasional internet hoax, we’re bringing you a new music video every hour. It’s a video Valentine’s mix CD, from us to you. Now about those Zunes. As you might imagine, we need to tell you something about them:
“Zune gets a little sweeter this Valentine’s Day with 6 special Valentine’s Day jpegs and 10 special playlists available through Zune.net and Zune Marketplace. From Hiphop to Punk, love songs to stalker tunes, Zune has a playlist that you can send to your Valentine, with special artwork that can also be shared wirelessly. The Zune digital media player and online service creates new ways for people to connect and share media experiences player-to-player through the use of wireless technology and new software scenarios. Zune is a 30GB digital media player equipped with wireless “beaming” functionality for Zune-to-Zune sharing of music and pictures, a dreamy bright, three-inch LCD video screen that works in portrait or landscape mode to view pictures and videos, and a built-in FM tuner. The player is available in three colors, black, brown and white. The Zune Marketplace is a music service and foundation for an online community that will enable music fans to discover new music, and access unique content.”
Innnteresting. So how do you get your hands on those suh-weeeet free Zunes? Funny you should ask. Contest rules: Send your ultimate four-song Valentine’s playlist to scanner@nerve.com. BUT there’s a catch. Your playlist has to spell out the word Z-U-N-E. Got it? First song “Z.” Second song “U.” The two entrants with the best playlist win a Zune. But you have to send your entries in my 2pm EST. Be quick! Be smart! Oh, and also: Be mine.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9089#9089 |
WWYR?: We Have a Winner
2/13/2007 5:00:00 PM
Today's epic bout of Miller v. Barrymore was not a pretty fight. It was a drubbing. A TKO. An embarrassment! (Well, to be fair, Sienna DID get 10 votes out of 33.) But it's time for the judges to declare a victor:Drew Barrymore, you join a rarefied group of sexual demigods whose pants we'd one day like to find on our bedroom floor. Now--if you don't mind--time to pump those gloved fists in the air!
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9083#9083 |
This Just In: Sharon Stone Hearts Naughty, Nasty Germans
2/13/2007 4:00:00 PM
Uh-oh, someone's had a little too much reisling. Looks like she's in for a long night of hide-the-bratwurst.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9081#9081 |
Where the Heather Blooms
2/13/2007 3:00:00 PM
Gray Matters is a delightful romp about a brother and sister duo looking for—oh, who are we kidding? HOT KISS between Heather Graham and Bridget Moynahan!!! Egotastic has the goods.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9078#9078 |
Video of the Day: Clergy in Love
2/13/2007 2:00:00 PM
Yesterday we brought you the story of two sausage dog-loving streakers who found love. Turned out, that was an ad. Grr! But we WILL NOT be fooled again. This story--about the unlikely coupling of a priest and a nun--isn't a hoax. How can we be so sure? Because that's the kind of faith we put in Papa Gibson and ABC News. Plus, the couple's kid wrote a book about them. Enjoy the heartwarming tale that really pisses of the Catholic Church. Amen. (Thanks to Elana for the video!)
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9077#9077 |
Time to Rack Your Brain
2/13/2007 1:00:00 PM
Cheers, Britain. Your birds, as you call them, have the biggest knockers in Europe, according to today's Sun. We would like to celebrate this crowning achievement by showing Scanner readers the cleavage of three excellent British actresses. Can you guess whose hooters are whose? UPDATE: Thanks to a mighty group effort, and a few hints, the hooters have been identified: (l to r) Kate Winslet, Helen Mirren, and Helena Bonham Carter. Well done, mates!
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9075#9075 |
Only One Shopping Day Left Till Valentine's
2/13/2007 11:50:14 AM
Still looking for that special someone you can hold onto for at least, say, 2-10 years? Check out this joint: Hot Prison Pals hooks you up with the most slammin’ men (and women!) inside the slammer. They're guilty of love--and various other things.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9073#9073 |
Who Would You Rather?: Drew v. Sienna
2/13/2007 10:46:17 AM
Every Tuesday "WWYR?" brings together two people for a life-affirming battle to the sexy death. Today’s contest concerns two lovelies already competing at the box office this weekend. In fact, the one thing they have in common (besides questionable taste in men) is that they are probably the best things about those movies—Music and Lyrics and Factory Girl, respectively. That, and they sure can rock a short haircut. But ladies and gentlemen, we're not here to talk fashion. We're here to ask you one question, and one question only:
Who Would You Rather?: Drew Barrymore or Sienna Miller?
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The Terribly Friendly Skies
2/13/2007 10:00:00 AM
A stewardess may be fired following claims she joined the mile-high club with Ralph Fiennes. Frankly, if we had a choice between handing out salted peanuts or boffing the English Patient, we’d probably be out of a job, too.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9063#9063 |
In the News: Bad Time to Be Shopping in Utah
2/13/2007 8:52:12 AM
Salt Lake City teen opens gunfire in a mall, killing five: “His expression stayed totally calm. He didn't seem upset, or like he was on a rampage,"
Stem cell technique lets women grow their own breast implants. Nope, we don’t get it either.
Woman pleads guilty to trying to cut a fetus from her neighbor's womb. What happened to borrowing some sugar?
Those fancy Valentine’s rose bouquets are bad for the environment. Oh, and also? They’re dipped in chemicals.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9062#9062 |
Crush of the Week: The Dixie Chicks
2/12/2007 5:00:00 PM
The Grammys? Yawn. Couldn’t care less, really. But sometimes, the Grammys remind us of things—-like how much we have secretly always loved the Dixie Chicks. There was a time, not too long ago, when saying such a thing would make your hipster pals choke on their Pabst Blue Ribbon. It was okay to wear a trucker cap ironically, but the Dixie Chicks?!? Weren’t they kinda… stupid? Then came all the guff with GW, a falling-out with their country fans, and that little spitfire Natalie Maines, walking out onstage with a “Fuck You Toby Keith” shirt on. Well, you didn't have to like 'em but you had to respect 'em. These days, the tables have turned: Our hipster pals love the Dixie Chicks but think trucker caps are kinda stupid. (Now, if they'd just trade their PBR for a Lone Star. Or better: a Harp.) Anyway, the point is that the Chicks’ big Grammy win reminded us how much we love rabble-rousing, violin-playing, straight-shootin’ Texas women. All that, and they can harmonize!
And for that, they are our Crush of the Week.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9052#9052 |
Casting the Lifetime Movie: Casting Couch Closed
2/12/2007 3:55:29 PM
This morning we asked you to cast the role of Anna Nicole Smith. Some good suggestions, including our personal favorite: Andy Dick. But unfortunately, Mr. Dick’s too busy right now sniffing the carpet in in a Los Angeles halfway house. So who’s the lucky bitch gonna be? Well, upon careful reflection, we agree with "youngmodern": Jaime Pressly, a few hundred chicken fried steaks, and the Oscar could be yours!
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9053#9053 |
It's the Celebrity Diet Morphing Game
2/12/2007 3:00:00 PM
Watch as Christina Ricci’s boobs recede into her chest. Whoa, is this strangely hypnotic, or is that the Dayquil?
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9051#9051 |
UPDATE: Vampire Erotica Teacher
2/12/2007 2:21:15 PM
We’re running slow today. It’s a little something called Dayquil Cold & Sinus. So, earlier, when we posted about every goth’s favorite drama teacher and erotica writer, we failed to include her website, which includes li’l nuggets of “mythological poetry.” Here’s one called “Werewolf”: “As we race together under the full moon / Your hunger calls to me. / Like the first mortals we are unique, / Original, the parents of a new race. / And yet -- we look like them in the daytime.” Did that just blow your mind? Well, there's also a book. And her MySpace page, which we had been told was shut down and so now we’re wondering, hmm? Milking the publicity much? Thanks to Scanner all-star Jeff for sending the links. Gotta go now, we’re off to race under the full moon—cruel, cruel beast that she is, emitting those hunger waves that bear into our naked breast like two fanged teeth. Or, as some people call it, “popping another Dayquil.”
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9050#9050 |
Video of the Day: Streakers in Love
2/12/2007 2:00:00 PM
Our video of the day also contains the quote of the day: “Both of these nudists/streakers/sausage-dog-lovers knew nothing about each other! But they both had websites. And someone in cyberspace saw the connection.” Let's raise our glasses, and possibly our tops, to the glory of the interweb. UPDATE: Zoinks, foiled again! Streakers in love--we KNEW it was too good to be true. The news clip turns out to be a stealthy bit of advertising for Believeindestiny.com. Thanks to crafty Veronica for setting us straight. Internet, you may have won this time, but you'll get yours!
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9047#9047 |
Another Week, Another High School Teacher Scandal
2/12/2007 1:00:00 PM
When I taught high school English (true story!), I worked with a great science teacher who spent her evenings fronting an all-girl punk band, frequently topless. That’s the kind of behavior that, these days, could get her kicked out of the smoking lounge and into the tabloids.
Today’s teacher imbroglio comes courtesy Lancashire, England, where Samantha Goldstone has been accused of keeping an “erotic vampire website” (no link, sorry) and writing steamy fiction about the undead under the nom de goth Paigan Stone. Hey, she DOES teach English and Drama. The question is—should she be persecuted for erotic material written outside school? Before you answer that: The stories DO contain scenes of high school vampires having sex. (Obviously, it's a historical romance.)
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9045#9045 |
More Valentine's Gifts for the Totally Incompetent
2/12/2007 12:00:00 PM
There are two days left before Valentine’s Day. You are so screwed. Right? Wrong. Enter the personalized romance novel—kinda like a Hallmark card, except it goes on for pages and pages and features tidbits like your beloved's name: “Canada-based Book By You says it sells thousands of personalised romance novels each year with titles such as “ER Fever” and “Pirates of Desire,” where the reader is the star.”
Ooh, we had "ER Fever" once. Long story, late night, lots of strippers and Noah Wyle. Fortunately, there's a topical ointment for that.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9046#9046 |
A Snog for the Record Books
2/12/2007 11:30:00 AM
Did you miss Lovapalooza?
6000 Filipino couples making out at one time for a world record? No worries, sweet cheeks. Get your kiss right HERE.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9037#9037 |
The Science of Beer Goggles
2/12/2007 10:05:57 AM
Santa Fe, N.M., has recently installed talking urinals in men’s restrooms to prevent drunk driving. The urinals say things like, “You drink, you drive, you lose.” Hey, we’re all for keeping drunkards off the road—but what about a peril just as common, just as preventable for the young, Budweiser-besotted male? What about the danger of ...BEER GOGGLES? Every year, millions of men sleep with less-than-hot women under the dangerous influence of booze. This cuts both ways: Every year, millions of intoxicated women sleep with Pauly Shore. Before you get burned, learn the science of beer goggles. There IS a mathematic forumla. Don’t believe us? Read this.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9035#9035 |
Casting the Lifetime Movie: Anna Nicole Smith
2/12/2007 10:00:00 AM
Last week was a dark time. The world lost Anna Nicole Smith, and now, there’s nothing left but the shouting. And the paternity test. Oh, and casting the Anna Nicole Smith movie!
Casting the Anna Nicole Lifetime movie is a tricky proposition, because the woman had so many incarnations—little Vickie Lynn Marshall clawing her way out of podunk, Texas; the sexpot Playmate channeling Marilyn Monroe; that whole creepy thing with the billionaire; the weight gain, the reality show, TrimSpa. Wait, why are we recounting all this? You guys were there, too. No one personified America in all its dazzling, grotesque splendor quite like Anna Nicole, and the question is: Which actress has the versatility, the divine spark, the SHEER BOOBAGE to personify her?
We’re stumped. So we put the question to you: Who should play Anna Nicole?
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9032#9032 |
In the News: Blue Balls
2/12/2007 8:57:55 AM
British pharmacy introduces over-the-counter Viagra. Fancying a shag was never so easy.
Meanwhile, Spaniards are jonesing so hard for “sexo azul”, as they call Viagra, that they’re holding up drug stores. Time for a trip to England, mis amigos.
Abortion to be legalized in Portugal, despite low voter turnout in favor of the referendum.
The editor of the Times’ Modern Love column on the trends in romance.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9031#9031 |
Is It Quitting Time YET??
2/9/2007 4:00:00 PM
Mr. Squirrel wants to share with you some things to do when you're bored. Other than read Scanner, of course. (Shout-out to Cathy)
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9015#9015 |
British Academics, Apparently Unclear on What Takes Place After School
2/9/2007 3:30:00 PM
The Guardian reports: “Pupils should get after-school sex education tailored to their experiences, say academics.”
Much to my mother’s horror, that’s exactly what went on after school when I was growing up.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9013#9013 |
Video of the Day: Dolemite Trailer
2/9/2007 2:30:00 PM
Via: VideoSiftIf it's 2:30 on a Friday, it must be Dolemite time. How can you not love this trailer? "I'm the one that killed Monday, whupped Tuesday, put Wednesday in the hospital." Hip-hop owes a debt to Dolemite, aka Rudy Ray Moore.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9012#9012 |
Another Day at the Office
2/9/2007 1:30:00 PM
Imagine the staff meetings if this commerical were reality. They’d seem kind of like the staff Christmas parties, when you think of it.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9011#9011 |
A Platoon of Lesbians
2/9/2007 12:49:35 PM
Rep. Gary Ackerman may seem like another old geezer in a suit, but the dude can hang. To boot: During budget hearings, he made the following astute point:
“For some reason, the military seems more afraid of gay people than they are of terrorists. If the terrorists ever got ahold of this information, they’d get a platoon of lesbians to chase us out of Baghdad.” Zoinks, I think we've got an exit strategy.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9009#9009 |
Mr. President, Here's Your Bottom Line
2/9/2007 11:00:00 AM
Kiss My Ass, George —a site where you can upload a picture of your bum in the hopes that the president might one day press his sweet pucker up against it.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9005#9005 |
More Valentine's Gifts for the Totally Incompetent
2/9/2007 10:00:00 AM
Radar has a gallery of hideous Valentine’s gifts. Sorry guys, but this little bad boy from Nascar? Best gift ever.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e9000#9000 |
In the News: It's Raining (Rather Young) Men
2/9/2007 9:02:54 AM
Amsterdam gay pride parade to include a float for 11-16 year olds.
Mass-scale HIV vaccine trial in South Africa.
Canadian linebacker found guilty of aggravated assault for not telling two women he was HIV-positive.
Prescription drugs found in Anna Nicole Smith’s room, autopsy to be performed today.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8999#8999 |
This Just In: Anna Nicole Dead
2/8/2007 4:04:16 PM
After collapsing in a hotel room earlier today, Anna Nicole Smith has died. Over the next few days, I guess we'll find out the sordid details--was it a suicide, was it a drug overdose, yadda yadda. But looking online for a picture to use in this report, it struck me what a beautiful, curvaceous woman she once was, and how I'd forgotten that amid the crazy trainwreck that became her life.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8993#8993 |
The Vagina Monologue
2/8/2007 3:42:00 PM
For too long, men have been burdened with anxiety over their unit. Is it long enough? Big enough? Will this oozing lesion ever heal? But this is a new day. Modern women want to know: Does my vagina measure up? (Of course, if they’re in Florida, women want to know: Is my hoohaa okey-dokey?) Well, the Vagina Institute is here to help. They have an 11-point test for your vagina. You’ll need meausuring tape, a limber back, and a dildo. So, obviously, it’s the kind of thing you can do at your cubicle.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8992#8992 |
It's Not As If "Vagina" Is Important to the Storyline
2/8/2007 3:00:10 PM
According to a video news report currently on the CNN homepage, a Florida theater changed the name of The Vagina Monologues to The Hoohaa Monologues after a woman complained about the dreaded v-word. That cranky old vah-jay-jay needs a swift kick in her hooterhotter.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8991#8991 |
Video of the Day: Seona Dancing
2/8/2007 2:00:00 PM
This clip featuring Ricky Gervais' 1984 new-wave band Seona Dancing has been rattling around ye olde interweb for some time now. But here at Scanner, we're such giant Gervais-heads that we thought it couldn't hurt to post it again. Underneath the Flock of Seagulls hair and the skinny tie is the genius who would go on to write the classic, "Freelove Freeway."
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8990#8990 |
More Reasons to Babble: Baby Doggie on Board
2/8/2007 1:00:00 PM
This week in Nerve's parenting magazine: The worlds of parenting and pet ownership continue to merge.
“Because it says it’s a baby carrier sometimes people are kind of embarrassed to say, ‘I don’t have a baby. It’s for my dog.’”
I don’t know what this article is talking about! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go breastfeed my cat.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8988#8988 |
Victoria's Secret Geek Fetish
2/8/2007 12:00:00 PM
Since that Kim Kardashian sex tape doesn't hit shelves until February 28, you’ll have to get creative with your Valentine's gift this year. For the sexy nerd in your life, behold HTTPanties. These’ll get her style sheets cascading.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8987#8987 |
Rogues Do It From Behind
2/8/2007 11:00:00 AM
WoW, indeed: Geeks rule everything these days, including porn. Welcome to the World of Whorecraft. (Thanks to Jeff.)
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8979#8979 |
Bulgaria Letting Freak Flag Fly
2/8/2007 10:00:00 AM
A bus station in Bulgaria is showing porn at night while passengers wait for the bus to arrive. Let’s assume the bathrooms have been really busy.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8978#8978 |
In the News: Sex in Spaaaace
2/8/2007 8:58:07 AM
The question we're all dying to know: Are astronauts members of the 62-mile-high club?
Texas man gets death for killing fetus.
The touchy issue of female athletes and their their weight.
Tired of ridicule, author endures plastic surgery to remove his man boobs. Ha-ha, he is soooo flat-chested now.
Fat-blocking pill to be sold over the counter. Would you pick me up a couple? Ooh, and some Doritos, too.
Permalink : http://www.nerve.com/nerveblog/scannerblog.aspx?id=96e8977#8977 |
