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“Mommy porn” book Fifty Shades of Grey pulled from Florida county libraries

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E.L. James' crazy-popular erotic romance, Fifty Shades of Grey, has become the "literary" phenomenon of 2012, providing BDSM thrills for bored housewives and other titillation-seekers. Selling over three million copies in all formats, and reaching the peak of best-seller lists from Amazon to The New York Times, the book is responsible for another improbable, J.K. Rowling-like success story, transforming, in a matter of months, Twilight fan-fic author Erika Leonard into E.L. James, she of the new seven-figure book contract and member of Time's "100 Most Influential People in the World" list.

But, amid all the hoopla, Florida's Brevard County Public Libraries system has remained sober-headed, unmoved by all the hype. Protecting their patrons from all that sexy bondage, the county's seventeen libraries removed all copies of the book from circulation earlier this week. Explained library services director Cathy Schweinsberg:

"It's quite simple — it doesn't meet our selection criteria. Nobody asked us to take it off the shelves. But we bought some copies before we realized what it was. We looked at it, because it's been called 'mommy porn' and 'soft porn.' We don't collect porn."

However, that doesn't mean the county's libraries are completely free of so-called "dirty" books, as if Rick Santorum had personally inspected each and every building. Titles such as The Complete Kama Sutra, Fanny Hill, Lady Chatterley's Lover, Fear of Flying, Tropic of Cancer, and (gasp!) Lolita can still be checked out. And what's the distinction? Said Schweinsberg, "I think because those other books were written years ago and became classics because of the quality of the writing. This is not a classic."

So time will tell if Fifty Shades of Grey becomes a classic (not holding breath), and thus suitable for Brevard County library shelves. Until then, residents will have to pay for the hottest, trashiest, airport novel going. You stay classy, Brevard County.