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Don’t think Stephen King is scary? Read his sex scenes…

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11.22.63

Stephen King's new novel 11.22.63 isn't just about a time traveler who tries to stop the JFK assassination; it's also about a time traveler who has badly written sex, according to the Literary Review, which nominated King for its annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award.

Essentially the Golden Raspberry for authors, the Bad Sex in Fiction Award is designed "to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel and to discourage it." King joins nominees from the past nineteen years such as Philip Roth, Nick Cave, and Jonathan Franzen, so at least he's in good company. (And if his ego is bruised, he can always go swimming in his vault of gold coins.)

Here is one of King's offending scenes:

“Ohmygodyes,” she said and I laughed. She opened her eyes and looked up at me with curiosity and hopefulness. “Is it over, or is there more?"

“A little more," I said. "I don't know how much. I haven't been with a woman in a long time.”

It turned out there was quite a bit more. … At the end she began to gasp. “Oh dear, oh my dear, oh my dear dear God, oh sugar!”

And this less-than-erotic gem:

“Her head bonked on the door. ‘Ouch,’ I said. ‘Are you all right?’”

Other nominees this year include Haruki Murakami and James Frey, who was originally nominated for the Bad Sex in Non-fiction Award until he admitted to making it all up. (Hiyo!)