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30-year-old “adult baby” cleared of Social Security fraud

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Thirty-year-old Stanley Thornton Jr. suffers from paraphilic infantilism, which TV channels like TLC and NatGeo have taught us involves adults living like wittle babies, sleeping in cribs and bottle-feeding. He has just been cleared of fraud by the Social Security Administration, after Oklahoma Republican Senator Tom Coburn called for a benefit review of Thornton's case (he receives more than $800 a month in disability checks) back in May, after witnessing the supposedly-disabled man-baby assemble the crib he sleeps in, on the TV show Taboo: Fantasy Lives.

Wondering whether the seemingly-able-bodied Thornton should be collecting taxpayer-funded disability checks, the skeptical Coborn wrote a letter to the SSA, saying, "Given that Mr. Thornton is able to determine what is appropriate attire and actions in public, drive himself to complete errands, design and custom-make baby furniture to support a 350-pound adult and run an internet support group, it is possible that he has been improperly collecting disability benefits for a period of time."

Thornton worked as a security guard for a year and a half, but says he's unable to work due to trauma after suffering childhood abuse, as well as an aggravated heart condition, and that his infantile fantasy world helps alleviate his condition. When the Washington Times first contacted Thornton about the investigation, he had an appropriately infantile reaction, threatening suicide, saying, "Take away the last thing keeping me here, and see what happens. Next time you see me on the news, it will be me in a body bag."

It hasn't been all good news for Thornton though. His former roommate, Sandra Dias, who had bottle-fed him and maternally encouraged his babyish ways (and also received disability checks), passed away in July amidst the allegations. Thornton must presumably put his own binky in his mouth now.