Grant Storms, an anti-masturbation pastor and "self-styled 'Christian patriot,'" has gone and done the inevitable: got caught masturbating. But ever the overachiever, he took things a step further — Rev. Storms masturbated at a children's playground in a public park.
As reported by the New Orleans Times-Picayune:
The first woman told deputies she was taking her children to the playground and parked next to the van at about noon. As she was walking around her own vehicle, she noticed the van windows were down and the occupant was "looking at the playground area that contained children playing, with his zipper down…," the report said. The woman noted that he was masturbating and quickly ushered her children out of her car.
She told a second woman, who walked to the van and also spotted the man masturbating, the report said. The second witness told deputies that the driver saw her and tried to conceal the zipper area of his pants with his hand.
The two women flagged down a park employee who notified the Sheriff's Office. The employee detained the man, later identified as Storms, until deputies arrived.
The douchebag tried to claim that he was trying to "urinate using a bottle instead of a restroom," but literally nobody bought it because, come on, guy — do we look like idiots? He was booked with obscenity but released "because of jail crowding."