Park Slope, the Brooklyn neighborhood known for its aging hipsters and lesbian mothers, is embroiled in a conflict that is just so Brooklyn it threatens to rip a hole in space: is Maggie Gyllenhaal disobeying her food co-op rules? Apparently Gyllenhaal and her wealthy ilk aren't putting in the two hours and forty-five minutes of work per month that's a requirement for co-op membership, instead sending down maids, nannies, and personal assistants to do the (perhaps literal) dirty work for them. This, it turns out, is a big problem.
(FYI: Other candidates for "Most Brooklyn-est debate ever": an argument I saw once between a hipster girl and a Hasidic Jewish man over sidewalk chalk. Or who's the better Brooklynite rapper: Jay-Z or Nas?)
One woman complained that because she didn't have an assistant to do the work for her, she has to hire a babysitter to watch her kids during her shifts. Which kind of frames this whole argument as less of a "it is important that each person knows the value of work and what it means to contribute" thing and more of a "if I can't, neither can you" thing. Not that I don't think it's lame/gross to send your maid to stack veggies for you, because it is, but that argument robs the complainants of some of the moral high ground. (Also, c'mon, lady — send the babysitter to do the work, give your kid an iPad, and go get a massage or something. Duh.)
But some people have stood up to defend Gyllenhaal's foodie honor, however:
“She definitely has done her own shifts,” one vegetarian spy said. “And she even brought her brother [Jake Gyllenhaal].” The source explained that Maggie Gyllenhaal does not “do her shifts on the floor,” but rather in “private areas” so as not to cause commotions, or spills, in any aisles…
And while the two sides are sniping at one another, the co-op organizers are at a loss as to how to deal with this grave issue. Of course, I think the solution is pretty obvious: double the monthly required amount of time spent, because you all obviously have too much time on your hands.