News

Detroit police departments will now be closed after 4 p.m. — flurry of Robocop jokes to follow

Pin it

Between the hours of 4PM and 8AM, Detroit will be protected by Robocop.

If Detroit never needed Robocop before, they most certainly need him now… specifically from 4 PM to 8AM. 

In an unwise attempt to save money, the most dangerous city in America will be closing it's police precincts and stations everyday from 4pm to 8am. In addition, Detroit PD is also laying off 100 officers in order to qualify for federal grant money.

While police and city officials are optimistic about their cost-cutting measures, opposition has been heard from, well, just about everyone else in Detroit. As a matter of fact, the only protection citizens will have against criminals during the night will be "virtual precincts" set up online to give those who haven't had their computer stolen somewhere to go for help.

To give you an idea of how that might work, here's a scenario we all know — you head to a webpage for some sort of tech support, but find that what you need can't be done through the site. Instead, you decide to call direct, at which point, the entire time you're on hold, a recording  won't stop telling you about the website that you already visited that you already know can't help you. Now, imagine that, only instead of tech support, someone's trying to rob and/or murder you. 

This is how bad things are in Detroit. Between the decades of industrial collapse and the high rate of violent crime, what was once the automotive capital of the world and a thriving cultural center is now only good for really depressing photo collages on urban decay. Why anyone thinks that crippling the police force of a city with a seventy percent unsolved murder rate is beyond me. At this point, jokes about how Robocop eerily predicted Detroit's future aren't really that funny; they're just kind of sad.