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Don’t worry: The Centers for Disease Control has a plan for zombie outbreaks

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Given the recent spate of high-profile zombie projects, with AMC's The Walking Dead both the most buzzed about and most related to this discussion, it's no wonder that some people started to wonder, "Would our government have any idea what to do during a zombie outbreak?" It's perhaps more of a wonder, though, that some of those people are actually in our government and have taken steps to make sure the answer is yes. So, to ease your mind, this is the CDC's general plan to stop the shuffling (or running, depending on how much a purist you are) hordes of the undead:

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). It's likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.

I guess it's in the CDC's nature to treat this as they would treat any disease outbreak, with some tweaks here and there, but what's really concerning me is all this stuff about "patient management" and "treatment" and "infection control." This is how you best treat a patient during the zombie apocalypse: you shoot them in the fucking head! That is the lesson of every zombie story ever: hesitance and what little piece of mercy you have left will get you straight-up eaten. (Or, for the gun shy, you hit them in the head with a bat or pipe.) 

The post itself on the CDC's blog is down, probably because of too much traffic, but maybe because they realized some people would laugh at them. In fact, even the cached version won't load. (The text above is second-hand — thank you, Gawker!) But maybe it's enough to know they're trying to get the word out about how to deal with zombies. 

…Um, I hope they don't know something we don't.