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Exercise is now available in pill form

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Wall-E human

Hot on the heels of the revelation that weed isn't bad for your lungs, even better news for the lazy: you can now take in all the benefits of exercise in pill form. What could possibly go wrong? 

Researchers at Harvard Medical School have isolated the hormone irisin, which increases in the body when you exercise and helps the body burn calories while increasing the production of healthy "brown" fats. In pill form, they believe irisin could be a groundbreaking treatment for obesity, diabetes, and a host of other diseases. 

"The worldwide, explosive increase in obesity and diabetes renders attractive the therapeutic potential of irisin in these and related disorders," explained Professor Bruce Spiegelman, who led the study. "Another potentially important aspect of this work relates to other beneficial effects of exercise, especially in some diseases for which no effective treatments exist. The clinical data linking exercise with health benefits in many other diseases suggests that irisin could also have significant effects in these disorders."

Obviously, I assume "diseases for which no effective treatments exist" include "holiday weight" and "beer gut," but the so-called medical experts love to ruin everything for everyone, and thus warn that irisin doesn't do anything to strengthen muscles, and exercise is "still important." Spiegelman said, "We're not trying to replace diet and exercise."

Well, they may not be, but I am. Someone get me these pills, stat!