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Florida man arrested for stealing dildos from his boss

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Here's your dildo-theft story of the day: Mitchell Tice, a forty-year-old breakfast cook from the Florida Keys, was arrested Sunday night for stealing a box of sex toys, a couple laptop computers, and a wig from his boss's utility trailer. It's not mentioned in the police report, but I'm almost certain that he sniffed some panties during the robbery.

Tice was busted after his girlfriend, Pshantel Scott, understandably freaked out, ratted him out to detectives, telling them that her boyfriend "had placed a bag of dildos under their bed," adding that Tice had confessed to lifting them "from his boss's trailer." Telling you all you need to know about this story, Scott also informed police that she saw a picture on Tice's phone of him wearing the wig. The used dildos were subsequently placed into property and positively identified by the restaurant-owner victims, after being turned over by the presumably-now-single Scott. Tice, who was charged with felony burglary and two misdemeanor counts, to paraphrase a line from The Godfather, should have left the dildo (gun), and taken the computer (cannoli).