Four Loko banned in Michigan, Washington

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Following a party at Central Washington University at which nine students were laid low by excessive Four Loko consumption, the state of Washington has banned all caffeinated alcoholic beverages. The move may increase late-night coffee sales, but critics say that adds an unnecessary extra step to the "getting drunk but also really jumpy" process. (Critics being me.) Washington follows Michigan, which last week instituted a similar ban. Oregon and New York are apparently considering bans as well, which will come as troubling news to the homeless guys on my block. They're big fans.

In a related controversy, a Lower East Side chef named Eddie Huang was recently forced to cancel a Four Loko "all-you-can-drink" event, intended to protest the threatened state ban, after discovering that all-you-can-drink specials are illegal in New York. Huang told the Daily News, "This is horrible. Now I gotta figure out how to give people enough Four Loko so they can get their blackout. People like to black out." Wise words from a beacon of human refinement. More on this as it develops.