German football team bans strippers from games

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Here's today's news that you didn't know was news: football club St. Pauli of the German Bundesliga has put the kibosh on strippers performing inside a corporate box during matches at St. Pauli's Millerntor Stadium. The Susis Show Bar on Hamburg's red-light district, the Reeperbahn, apparently installed a large mirror and pole in their box so strippers could entertain guests during games. But now St. Pauli has prohibited the rump-shaking until games are over. And even then, says St. Pauli president Stefan Orth, there cannot be any nudity or they will get the boot. "If they dance just once naked, they will be out of here!" he emphatically stated.

St. Pauli bosses made the decision as a result of fans complaining about the club's image being soiled. But with St. Pauli currently in sixteenth place in the Bundesliga standings, there's not much to look at on the field. So box visitors will have to content themselves with knocking back a few St. Pauli Girls as they ogle half-Monty dancers. Now I can get lap dances at American soccer games with a smug sense of superiority. Oh wait, we don't have strippers at soccer games and I don't watch soccer.