Girl Scouts breed “pro-abortion” lesbians, says Republican

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Hans Zeiger says that Girl Scouts are a breeding ground for pro-abortion, lesbian feminists.

Sometimes you can actually hear Republicans think to themselves, "Fuck it, I'm going to go for it." That's what Hans Zeiger, a Republican who hopes to join Washington State's House of Representatives, must have been thinking when he claimed that the Girl Scouts are godless, baby-murdering lesbians.

You're right, it's not fair of me to twist his words. Here, watch him twist them himself:

The Girl Scouts allow homosexuals and atheists to join their ranks, and they have become a pro-abortion, feminist training corps. If the Girl Scouts of America can't get back to teaching real character, perhaps it will be time to look for our cookies elsewhere.

Those green vests are pretty gay, but something just doesn't add up here. I mean, if all Girl Scouts went on to become either homosexual women or straight baby killers, then there would be no more girls, and thus no more Girl Scouts. And if there are no Girl Scouts, there are no Girl Scout cookies. And if there are no Girl Scout cookies, then… then there is no God, oh shit, Hans Zeiger is right! Noooooo!