Julian Assange has love children all around the globe

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Julian Assange

And counting. Looks like WikiLeaker Julian Assange has already leaked out four love children on our fair planet — and there might be more. According to former Wikileaks spokesman Daniel Domscheit-Berg, Assange was basically a sexual Johnny Appleseed:

"Often I sat in large groups and listened to Julian boast about how many children he had fathered in various parts of the world. He seemed to enjoy the idea of lots and lots of Julians, one on every continent. Whether he took care of any of these alleged children, or whether they existed at all, was another question."

Leaked documents reveal that the four children all live in Australia and range in age from six months to twenty years. "He feels obliged to spread his genes," a source told Gawker. "He thinks he is so good that the world needs more of his kids."

But the real craziness comes later down the road, perhaps after Julian himself is dead, when all his children will serendipitously cross paths and realize that, no, it was not serendipity but fate that brought each of them to the same Masonic temple, and that they must now work together to carry out their father's life's work.