Newest fake thing all the teens are doing: "vodka-tamponing"

Have you heard the (admittedly slightly-old) news? Teens across the country are involved in a dangerous new activity: soaking tampons in vodka, sticking them up in their business, and getting drunk during the school day. This makes a ton of sense, and sounds very real. Let Stephen Colbert tell you more:

Some thoughts:

1. Is it fun to be drunk during the day in high school? Obviously we all go to brunch and have one to five mimosas and get why it's fun to be drunk on a Sunday, but... during geometry? No, thank you.

2. Not to be indelicate, but I have no idea how this even works. If a tampon gets soaked in vodka, wouldn't it be kinda bigger? Like a wet sponge, and therefore difficult to get into your business? Guys, you can just sneak vodka into school with a water bottle. It's really not that hard.

3. Is this new? Because I was hearing about it years ago and yet it's suddenly all over the place. (I know you're relieved that I broke my legendary silence on this pertinent issue.) But also, no one actually does this.

Commentarium (12 Comments)

Nov 17 11 - 3:04pm
Lawrence

Well, you could hide it in your ass. You'd instantly get drunk

Nov 17 11 - 4:01pm
duh

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Nov 17 11 - 4:04pm
nope

This is fake, old, and asinine. Let's not propagate it, alright?

Nov 17 11 - 4:23pm
Moops

I heard it from 30 Rock.

Nov 17 11 - 5:26pm
AAAAAA....

This reminds of when my high school jazz band teacher got mad after several students came in week after week with red eyes... he told us about being a musician and the people who knew that would stick things in their ass to get high. This must've been... 2003.

Nov 17 11 - 9:12pm
MC

this is anything but new. I remember hearing about this five or six years ago

Nov 17 11 - 9:32pm
lessthan

I realized today, from this article, I know too much. To answer question 2, which I didn't have to look up, that plastic thingy in the picture is essential the dispenser of the tampon. It is hard to get an absorbent spongy thing where it needs to go to begin with, so they put it in a semi-dildo piece of plastic with a plunger. Even soaked in vodka, the tampon would be contained in the plastic. I'm a gay man. How do I know about how a tampon works?

Nov 17 11 - 10:15pm
SB

No man, kids actually do this. It's weird as shit, but they do it. Then they throw up and realize how dumb it is to get drunk at school.

Nov 18 11 - 1:46pm
comma

I do this all the time.

Nov 20 11 - 2:05pm
Oh Hell

Me too.

Nov 18 11 - 4:17pm
ontherag

My tampons are too needed to soak with perfectly drinkable vodka.

Mar 25 12 - 2:25pm
sigtunafish

Adds new meaning to the term "drunk off your ass."