Pope shuts down monastery for partying too hard

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madonna like a virgin

The Pope has shut down the monastery at Santa Crocein in Gerusalemme, thus ending sixteen-hundred years of non-stop partying. The community of Cistercian monks that has resided at the church for over five centuries is being transferred to other churches throughout Italy. We all know there's an occasional rager at every monastery, so what made the Pope single out this particular church? Well, this basilica had become home to the "Friends of Santa Crocein," an aristocratic group with some unusual religious practices — specifically, some sort of dance where nuns pranced around the altar. Okay, that sounds awesome. Also, the monastery had hosted VIPs, including Madonna, on site.

There's a YouTube video of a Santa Crocein nun, a former disco dancer, performing a modern dance with a crucifix. (This was, doubtlessly, a tribute to her time spent with Madge.) The church's former Abbott, Simone Fioraso, a flamboyant former Milan fashion designer, was removed two years ago. (Read into the "flamboyant former Milan fashion designer" however you like). So, the Pope had a monastery that sounds like a combination of Studio 54, Eyes Wide Shut, nunsploitation, and the ghost of Liberace, and then he went and shut it down? Okay, Catholics, now you've actually succeeded in taking all the fun out of your religion.