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Report: mean girls exist even in retirement homes

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Joan Rivers

We had always suspected as much, but now there's actual research to back it up: even when you're old enough to live in a retirement home, it's still close to impossible to avoid bitches. As more and more people reach retirement age, bullying and cliques in retirement homes have apparently gotten to be more and more of a problem. For shame, elderly! Just listen to the harrowing tale of one Arizona retiree, who told a local newspaper, "There is a clique here that is meaner than mean… The first time I went to the recreation center, a man yelled at me, 'This is a private club. You aren't welcome here.'"

One retirement program director added, "It's a pretty big deal. The mean girls were there in school and as we get older, they are still around." Well, there goes my dream of an idyllic retirement filled with nothing but pudding, water aerobics, and a surprising amount of sex. Maybe it's best if we leave the "It Gets Better" jokes up to you.