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High-school team can’t be called Cougars because it might offend older women

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Corner Canyon High, a new high-school in Draper, Utah, recently held a poll among its future students to determine the new team name and school mascot, but the results weren't to everyone's liking: the top choice, with 23% of the student vote, was disqualified after concerns it might be derogatory. The offending choice? The Cougars. (The middle-aged ladies who go after young men! Oh God, won't someone please think of the middle-aged ladies who go after young men?!) No, I'm not joking:

Cougars was rejected because… wait for it… the Victorian-minded members of the school board thought it would be offensive to some middle-aged women.

Of course, people are probably less worried about offending "cougars" in the slangy sense and more worried about being offended by the idea of the slang term, which is a great motivation for any decision. (It kind of reminds me of the people who were recently offended at the idea of a two-year-old saying "fuck" on Modern Family, even though it never actually happened.) The school board would like to point out, however, that they're also worried about being too similar to Brigham Young University, which also uses the cougar as a mascot and his similar coloring. Because a lot of people will confuse a year-old high school with a Division I athletic university.

In the end, the poll was ignored and a new name was chosen. So get ready for the mighty Corner Canyon High Beavers, everyone! No issues there, right?

(Ha, not really. They're the Chargers. How boring.)