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Science: Diet Coke actually makes people fatter

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Kate Beckinsale Diet Coke

No, drinking Diet Coke won't actually make you look like this. As it turns out, science says it will make you much, much fatter. According to two perturbing new studies, over time diet-soda drinkers saw their waistlines increase by seventy percent more than those of their non-asparame-chugging counterparts, while those who reported consuming two or more diet drinks per day had waistlines that ballooned up to a full 500 percent larger than the control group. Seriously — 500 percent.

The study warned that diet soda shouldn't necessarily be put forward as a healthy alternative to regular soda, and related research on aspartame intake in mice "suggest that heavy aspartame exposure might potentially directly contribute to increased blood glucose levels, and thus contribute to the associations observed between diet-soda consumption and the risk of diabetes in humans," according to one researcher.

And just like that, we all gained something new to feel guilty about.