Scientists “mortified” by erotic ESP study

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Professor Marvel

Ah, science: first it proved conclusively that lube is fun, then that all women secretly want to marry rich. And now, proof that psychic powers are real! Well, sort of.

The scientific community is now up in arms and "mortified" at the publication of a controversial research paper presenting what its authors consider to be "strong evidence" for the existence of extrasensory perception, also known as ESP. More specifically, ESP when it comes to predicting the location of erotic photos. An emeritus researcher from Cornell conducted the experiment having participants guess which of two monitors would display an image (locations were selected at random from a computer program).

Participants in the study beat the odds of chance by guessing right 53 percent of the time, but only when predicting "erotic" images, not neutral or negative ones. "What I showed was that unselected subjects could sense the erotic photos," said the researcher behind the study, adding, "but my guess is that if you use more talented people, who are better at this, they could find any of the photos."

Not too surprisingly, other scientists have decidedly mixed reactions, ranging from tentative support to mob-with-a-pitchfork statements like this one from a University of Oregon researcher who told the Times, "It's craziness, pure craziness," also suggesting that the whole study might be an "elaborate joke."

And by "elaborate joke" I can only assume he means "genius excuse to look at naked photos in the name of science," right?