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Steven Seagal will patrol border as deputy sheriff in West Texas

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As an asskicking Buddhist, Steven Seagal is something of a paradox. He went from Above the Law, to actually being the law, as witnessed in his A&E reality show, Steven Seagal: Lawman. On the show, we saw Seagal use his, uh, superhero-like martial-arts vision as a reserve deputy sheriff in crime-ridden Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, where collared perps would inevitably say something like, "Yo, you're Steven Seagal!," not believing their eyes. The show suspended production in 2010 after Seagal, who played blues guitar for charity on the show, was sued by his twenty-three-old personal assistant, Kayden Nguyen, for allegedly attempting to use her as his personal round-the-clock "sex toy."

Now, Seagal has popped up in West Texas, where earlier this week he was sworn in as Hudspeth County Sheriff's Deputy, and will apparently try to capture Mexican river-crossers as they attempt to illegally penetrate the border. The fifty-nine-year-old Seagal had contacted county sheriff Arvin West (there's a sheriff's name!) about "patrolling the border," and though two reality shows focusing on the border are actually filming in the county (where Willie Nelson was busted on pot charges last year), no cameras will be following Seagal this time. West said:

"Mr. Seagal is not in this for the celebrity or publicity. He has a sincere passion for his country and he wants to do more to help. I think he will make a significant contribution to this office and to our community."

I like the new Steven Seagal. His movie career had jumped the shark so long ago that shows were now jumping that shark's grandson. The re-invented Seagal could put that other nonsense behind him, like when he pulled a Joe Piscopo and cheated on then-wife Kelly LeBrock with the nanny, was banned from SNL in 1991 for being a jerk to the cast and crew, and that business with the Gambino crime family. Seagal, Texas Ranger has a nice ring to it.