If you've made a trip to your local bodega to sate a craving for Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls ice cream — based, of course, on the 1998 SNL "Delicious Dish" sketch starring Alec Baldwin — only to find that it wasn't in stock, you may have the One Million Moms organization to blame. Due to pressure from the parental watchdog group, which is all up in arms over the flavor's "locker room humor" name, many supermarket chains have refused to stock the fair-trade vanilla-bean ice-cream flavor, which also contains fudge-covered rum and malt balls. The result is thousands of hungry people who have been denied their favorite SNL-inspired ice-cream flavor by cold and unfeeling supermarket chains, their quivering, emaciated bodies left to die on the streets. Or a few stoners who shrugged and picked up a carton of Phish Food instead. Either one. 

Most of the chains — including Stop & Shop, Big Y, and Publix, which is a hilarious name for a supermarket if you're the kind of person who laughs at the phrase "schweddy balls" — refuse to comment on why they've stopped stocking the flavor, but reports speculate that pressure from the Mississippi-based parent organization played a role in the retailers pulling the product from their freezers. Despite their hysteria-infused best efforts, however, a Ben & Jerry's spokesperson announced that Schweddy Balls is the most popular limited-edition flavor the company has ever produced, so it looks like Pete Schweddy and Co. are having the last laugh over this one. 

Commentarium (12 Comments)

Oct 22 11 - 10:40pm
Martoukian

I don't think they actually have "bodegas" outside of New York. Everywhere else, people generally call them "convenience stores." And besides, anyone who buys ice cream from a convenience store deserves what they get (like having to pay twice as much).

Oct 23 11 - 4:58pm
@Martoukian

We certainley have bodegas here in SF.

Oct 23 11 - 10:20pm
truth

@Martoukian, I know you're trying to call the author on being NY-centric, but even the mid-size PA city I'm from calls them bodegas (at least the ones downtown where the population is largely hispanic) .

Oct 23 11 - 2:52am
J

PUBLIX, NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Oct 23 11 - 4:34am
BerlinExPat

Thank you, Martoukian. Don't forget though, that this is the same site that published an article about why midwesterners aren't all that bad.

Oct 23 11 - 4:02pm
Publius

The market will decide. If B&J is so convinced it's an appropriate name, keep it. If the market disagrees, it will be a marketing disaster. Personally, I'll choose something else; I don't like the imagery.

Oct 23 11 - 11:11pm
Oh come on

we know you're buying these in bulk online!

Oct 23 11 - 6:29pm
Wait Five Minutes

It doesn't sound as good as Stephen Colbert's Americone anyway

Oct 24 11 - 10:10am
Jeff @ DTM

You can find it in plenty of other supermarkets... buy there instead and teach Publix and the rest that they can't bend to the will of one organization's definition of funny.

Nov 20 11 - 4:57pm
Lorin

If time is money you've made me a wealhtier woman.

Nov 21 11 - 2:39pm
qqvcxr

hcaGfe tsgfgsvuhhoj

Dec 28 11 - 5:48pm
sadface

I remember the first time i had a stroke mid kfhahidd