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If you've made a trip to your local bodega to sate a craving for Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls ice cream — based, of course, on the 1998 SNL "Delicious Dish" sketch starring Alec Baldwin — only to find that it wasn't in stock, you may have the One Million Moms organization to blame. Due to pressure from the parental watchdog group, which is all up in arms over the flavor's "locker room humor" name, many supermarket chains have refused to stock the fair-trade vanilla-bean ice-cream flavor, which also contains fudge-covered rum and malt balls. The result is thousands of hungry people who have been denied their favorite SNL-inspired ice-cream flavor by cold and unfeeling supermarket chains, their quivering, emaciated bodies left to die on the streets. Or a few stoners who shrugged and picked up a carton of Phish Food instead. Either one.
Most of the chains — including Stop & Shop, Big Y, and Publix, which is a hilarious name for a supermarket if you're the kind of person who laughs at the phrase "schweddy balls" — refuse to comment on why they've stopped stocking the flavor, but reports speculate that pressure from the Mississippi-based parent organization played a role in the retailers pulling the product from their freezers. Despite their hysteria-infused best efforts, however, a Ben & Jerry's spokesperson announced that Schweddy Balls is the most popular limited-edition flavor the company has ever produced, so it looks like Pete Schweddy and Co. are having the last laugh over this one.