Next, on an upcoming special holiday presentation of "It's a Homophobe's Christmas Miracle, Charlie Brown!": A Tennessee private school has issued a policy that bans the mere mention of homosexuality among the faculty and student body. According to Tennessee's WREG News, parents are up in arms over a letter about the policy from the good folks at Rossville Christian Academy, which states the following:
"Homosexuality is forbidden in scripture (Romans 1:27, Leviticus 18:22). A staff member or student who promotes, engages in, or identifies himself/herself with such activity, through any word or action shall be in violation of this policy. Should the administration determine a violation of this policy, the person involved will be subject to disciplinary action with the possibility of permanent dismissal. Any applicant who is not in compliance with this policy will not be admitted."
So basically, if you are one of the 300 K-12 students at Rossville Christian Academy, you better not carry a Lady Gaga lunchbox, or do your third-grade science project in glitter marker, or, if you're a girl, bring in a Barbie with a bad haircut for show-and-tell, or else you and your fabulous, homosexuality-promoting ass could be kicked to the curb.
Unsurprisingly, many parents are furious over the school's new policy, with one parent speculating that the measure is targeted at one gay student. "If my daughter spoke about someone who was gay, is she going to be expelled for that or put in detention?" the parent said. Steve Mulroy, a University of Memphis Law professor who was interviewed for the story, says probably: given that the school is a private religious institution, and there are no state anti-discrimination laws to protect gay people, the school's policy is "entirely legal."
So a very merry Christmas to you, Rossville Christian Academy administrators! Just one note: when you're caroling tonight, be sure to change the lyrics of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" from "make the yuletide gay" to "make the yuletide FORBIDDEN IN SCRIPTURE. ROMANS 1:27, LEVITICUS 18:22." That'll get the neighborhood's jingle bells a-jangling.