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The New York Post inexplicably compares stock market to a “hooker”

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New York Post cover

No publication out there can tawdry up a legitimate news story quite like the New York Post. Responding to absurd fluctuations the stock market has seen the past few days, today's Post cover featured a woman wearing red and smoking (i.e. a prostitute, in case that wasn't immediately clear), alongside the headline, "Crazy stox like a hooker's drawers… UP, DOWN, UP." 

Yes, a news publication made that joke, not your weird uncle after a couple of beers. Why? Well, why not, other than the fact that it's almost entirely unrelated to the subject matter, not to mention pretty belittling to sex workers. For the sake of clearing everyone's palate, please think of something, anything, funnier to say about the stock market, and post it in the comments.