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The war against Ronald McDonald is only just beginning

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Here are some fun facts about Ronald McDonald: he regularly hangs out with both a self-described larcenist and a chicken who will presumably be ground up to make delicious McNuggets. In his first television appearance, he looks like a bagman dressed as Michael Jackson in The Wiz. And, finally: he must be stopped. The war against Ronald McDonald has begun, my friends, and our country's most ubiquitous clown is getting it from all sides. For one thing, he's made a powerful enemy in the very same group that viciously murdered Joe Camel just because the manimal was selling cigarettes to kids:

A group called Corporate Accountability International plans to ask Ronald to retire at the company's annual meeting on Thursday. They say Ronald encourages kids to eat junk food, contributing to a rise in childhood obesity and related diseases such as diabetes.

…The group has taken out full-page ads Wednesday in the Chicago Sun-Times, New York Metro and four other papers to call for his head. The ads, signed by more than 550 health groups and professionals, carry the headline, "Doctors' Orders: Stop Marketing Junk Food To Kids."

And while I question the timing — old Ronny boy hasn't exactly been as prominent in the chain's ads as he once was, after all — I'm sure McDonald's doesn't need another group attacking them for making terrible, heart-bludgeoning food. (From their perspective, that is. They probably do need it from our perspective. The last time I ate there, I literally had to lie down. It was sad all around, and just not a good sign for anyone involved.) 

But if that wasn't enough, Mr. McDonald has another problem: people think he's super fucking off-putting. (They should see the original version! Seriously, see it. It's terrifying.) A new survey has found that McDonald's commercials featuring the clown have not done well:

But Jack McKee, vice president of sales and marketing at Ace Metrix, said new Ronald McDonald commercials have failed to entice test audiences. His company surveyed 500 people about each commercial, he said.

"It's really remarkable how often I saw the word 'creepy'" in the survey comments," McKee said.

So, will these forces combined take down one of America's most iconic mascots? I doubt it! Besides, I wish they would spend their time on something more worthwhile. Like Skittles commercials. I hate those weird-ass things.