Toy aisle masturbator banned for life from Wal-Mart

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woody toy story

Say what you will about William Tyler Black – the 28-year-old Florida man who has been banned for life from Wal-Mart for masturbating in the toy aisle – at least he's not, like, a total pervert or anything. No, even while jerking it in a public area frequented by children, Black had the decency to bring his own copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue as a visual aid, thus sparing the world from having to assume that someone out there just really gets off on Furbys.

He did, however, wipe his hands on a toy lightsaber. Is this not the right time to remind you to pick up some stocking stuffers for your nephew?