My poor, confused grandparents. First, their granddaughter goes off to one of those liberal arts colleges where they put on plays about vaginas; then, the gays all get to marry; and now, just about anybody can get their face on a stamp. No longer will American cultural figures have to be dead at least five years before being considered for the miniature honor — the U.S. Postal Service has decide to include living celebrities in the stamp selection pool. Now degenerates like that Britney Spears woman will be flaunting their unmentionables alongside the likeness of Ol' Blue Eyes? The Rapture has happened and this is my grandparents' hell on Earth.
Not only will current icons be immortalized on commemorative stamps, but the USPS has also opened the selection process up to the American public. In a first, customers are now able to submit their top five suggestions via the Postal Service's Facebook or Twitter or, of course, mail them in to Postal Service HQ in Washington. (Does anything sound more exciting than Postal Service HQ?) The USPS' only stipulation is that the stars must have "made enduring contributions to the United States of America" — though it's a safe bet that statement will be interpreted pretty loosely. (I'm looking you, fourteen-year-old Topeka-native who is about to submit Lady Gaga's name.) Postal officials hope the move will increase mail services' lagging sales.
What say you, Nerve readers? Does this news have you reacting like my grandparents (i.e. slowly shaking your head and muttering), or, like me, have you already begun compiling your recommendation list in your head? (And is it nearly identical to your "dreamy celebrity men" list? Because mine is.) Post them in the comments below.