US temperatures soar, Oklahoma Governor suggests prayer

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Poor baby

It is hot out, ladies and gentlemen. In fact, someone in Wichita (hot place and known city in Kansas) described it like this: "Take your hair dryer, turn it on high, turn it on hot and turn it into your face. That is what Wichita is like right now." In other words, hot! Luckily, Republican Governor Mary Fallin from nearby Oklahoma has the answer for all of us: get down on your sweaty knees and pray for rain. It would seem redundant to tell you that this woman does not believe in human-caused global warming, or to point out that we think she's stupid.

The heat is in the death-causing digits; elderly ladies everywhere are dropping like flies, families are telling stories huddled around the air-conditioning unit, and crime is sky-rocketing as people take to the streets, crazy in that Summer of Sam psycho-murder type of way. Fret not, Mary Fallin assures us. She's calling for state-wide day of prayer in Oklahoma, which will surely stop the heat, and we're guessing she would welcome any peripheral support, considering her words, "I think if we have a lot of people praying, it moves the heart of God." He will hear us, and bring the floods, and refill the quickly evaporating pool at your local Y. 

What could be excused as crazy talk due to this oppressive weather, turns out to be the norm in Fallin's career as a politician. In 2009, she voted against a global-warming bill, stating that restrictions on oil and natural-gas industries in Oklahoma will inevitably lead to unsafe roads, poorly maintained bridges, and less money for schools. In her 2010 campaign for Governor, she argued the importance of protection against terrorism over measures to reduce global warming. ("Does leadership really think that our surveillance satellites should be aimed at polar ice caps and not terror cells, and that spies should be investigating global warming?") Perhaps the implications of global warming will become more meaningful to Fallin as the relentless heat stays over the 100-degree mark for the next ten days, according to weather forecasts. How about them polar ice caps now?