British dressmaker divides all women’s butts into four shapes, by fruit

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British dress company Wonderbum has devised yet another way for women to categorize themselves. Based on butt shape. And produce. According to the undoubtedly extensive research of “bottom expert” (and likely part-time boob inspector) Dr. David Holmes, the asses of 21st century women can be categorized into one of four possible shapes: “pear,” “tomato,” “potato,” or perhaps the weirdest, “nectarine.”  

And just in case you were trying to read something a little too healthy or positive into Holmes’ research or Wonderbum’s flattering-clothes-for-all mission, the Manchester Metropolitan University psychologist is more than happy to clarify:

“In the 21st century the derriere shape has improved for some with modern exercise regimes and diets,” he says. “For most, however, the effect of plentiful attractive food has taken its toll and the cartoon perfection of spherical derrieres has given way to softer, rounded tomato derrieres, the wider, flatter pancake shapes and the less defined potato rears.”

Shit. In any case, this might just mean that women’s magazines everywhere will have to redesign their ever-enlightening “Dress for your Body Shape!” charts to make room for the likes of the nectarine and the potato. Or, at the very least, that a drawn-out, ugly legal battle with Apple Bottoms is on the horizon.