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DNA testing service will test your girlfriend's underwear to find out if she's cheating
By EJ DicksonJanuary 5th, 2012, 11:15 pmComments (11)
DNA testing company the Paternity Lab Center has come up with an ingenious (re: horrifying) way to identify unfaithful partners: for a mere $200, the good folks at Infidelity DNA Testing will test a pair of your partner's panties for telltale traces of semen. Although most of the company's clients are men, women can also test their husbands or boyfriends' underwear for traces of vaginal fluids.
According to the company's website, there are two forms of infidelity DNA testing: semen testing using a prostate specific antigen (PSA) test, and testing for female DNA. For the PSA test, the process works by testing whether semen is present in the sample, ensuring its viability for DNA extraction, and doing a final comparison to confirm the DNA belongs to the right person. The site also suggests that you use the service to find out if your son or daughter is having sex, although that should probably be the least of your concerns if you're batshit enough to go diving into your kids' laundry baskets for a pair of used underwear.
Although some might cringe at the sleaziness of the company's methods, the service touts itself as providing "indisputable evidence" of partners' infidelity (except, you know, if your partner is having sex with a condom, or if he/she/ze is simply not stupid enough to leave their sex-filled sexy-time underwear lying around). As Paternity Lab Center specialist Kip Charles puts it, "There is just no legitimate reason or lie that a wife can come up with for having another man's semen in her panties."
Assuming there's no team of dastardly super-villains out there who get their jollies breaking into women's houses and ejaculating into their underpants, it's kind of tough to argue with that logic. But, then again, if your partner catches you trying to procure a sample, it'll also be pretty tough to come up with an explanation for just what in the name of everloving fuck you're doing with their fucking underwear.
Commentarium (11 Comments)
Are you a cheating jerk who wants to avoid getting busted by the panty police? Too skeazy to wear condoms? Try my patented trick: stop wearing underwear to your assignations.
That's dumb since you still will leak for 48 hrs hence spots in clothes.
One i have never cheated an wont but i guess if u really need to no its away to find out sad way but do it if u need too
Are you 12?
Imagine the awkwardness when dog DNA is found.
Or horse
Other places have been doing this for years. Nerve wrote about one in 2006:
http://www.nerve.com/content/dirty-laundry
True story: In 2004, in routine usage of my (then-) husband's car, I found a pair of panties in a Ziploc bag under the front seat. Upon retrieval, I realized they looked familiar... and thought, "What the fuck, he's having my panties tested to see if there's something in there that shouldn't be??" When he came in from the yard, I was in the kitchen with the bag and asked, "Are these mine?"
Turns out, they weren't.
I moved out 3 months later.
Gross.
This is so stupid. If im going to cheat I'M not going to hide it, im gonna be a cold hearted b*tch and be obvious or tell him, then dump him. Better then him forking over 200 bucks. Il'l save him the trouble by telling him theres another penis, we're through. If you love your partner and want to keep them dont cheat, if your gonna cheat save them the agnony and just break up. Simple. What are you people? 4? Ugh grow some balls and srop sneaking around like a bunch of brats like your mate is your parent.
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