The Real Housewives of the Bible

A little bit of internet trivia for everyone. Rule 34 is the law of the internet that stipulates that, if you can imagine it, it exists in porn. There are no known exceptions to this rule. However, some days, I feel like it needs an addition, a Rule 43 or something, that claims that if you can imagine it, it has a weird Christian parallel. Case in point, The Real Housewives of the Bible

Ty Adams, the CEO of the Heaven Network, is launching his own TV Housewives series. Here's how he describes it:  

Because of the popularity of the reality shows we’ve seen of the other Real Housewives, I saw women that weren’t able to stabilize their own relationships, and we get to see this aired on screen and yet we don’t see any solutions as to the problems they’re facing. I want people to understand how it feels again to fall in love. I wanted to showcase women who are having issues in relationships just like you see on these reality shows because this is real life. We’re not afraid to face those tough issues and so we wanted to not necessarily pick the perfect person who had everything, we wanted to find the hard issues and see how people work this out where you can really grasp the essence of what love and true love in relationships is.

So, that. I'm sure you will all excitedly tune into the premiere. And since I know you were wondering, yes, there is at least one known instance of Real Housewives porn. This May, Bravo reportedly accused the owners of of sullying their good name. Personally, I'd be more pissed off if I was Arizona — famous for its racists, old people, racist old people, and apparently, for porn. 

Commentarium (14 Comments)

Jul 12 11 - 5:30pm

The only true happiness comes from the god of our fathers, Mammon.

Jul 12 11 - 5:34pm

And sweet sweet ass-gaping porn.

Jul 13 11 - 7:50am

It's the same thing.

Jul 13 11 - 9:33am

+1, +1 and +1


Jul 12 11 - 5:40pm

Oh lord, please save us from the Christians.

... And while you’re at it, can you give us more porn?

Jul 12 11 - 8:07pm

The "Real Housewives" on those shows aren't troubled because they can't find true love. They're troubled because they are vapid self-absorbed bitches with too much time and money on their hands.

Jul 12 11 - 8:44pm
No Newz

There is nothing new under the sun. People had problems with relationships 3000 years ago just like they do now.

Jul 13 11 - 3:10am
Vinegar Bend

I don't think the Heaven Network is in my area code. We're heathen

Jul 13 11 - 11:32am

It might be interesting to see if they are any more functional then the nutcakes they usually showcase.

Jul 13 11 - 11:47am

So if one of these housewives adorns herself with gold--earrings, necklace, wedding ring--do the others stone her to death, as commanded by the Bible?

Jul 13 11 - 11:20pm
Stow Ner

That would probably get pretty good ratings.

Jul 13 11 - 2:22pm

I'm confused by this. "...just like you see on these reality shows because this is real life"? If we're already seeing it, why do we need to see it again? (Aside from why do we need to see it at all?)

Jul 13 11 - 3:12pm

A reasonable and honest question which I'll bet gets an unreasonable and dishonest answer on the show. Is it possible that a show with "Christian" in its title on the "Heaven network" might solve every problem with prayer? Might we get poked in the eye with fundie wisdom if we watch? D'ya think?

Jul 23 11 - 11:58am

I can tell right now that this is going to be a smash hit! Oh my eff. I bet one of them boffs the Pastor/Priest/Reverend/etc by the end of the first episode.