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The Real Housewives of the Bible proves everything will be co-opted by Christians or pornographers
By Ben ReiningaJuly 12th, 2011, 4:45 pmComments (14)
A little bit of internet trivia for everyone. Rule 34 is the law of the internet that stipulates that, if you can imagine it, it exists in porn. There are no known exceptions to this rule. However, some days, I feel like it needs an addition, a Rule 43 or something, that claims that if you can imagine it, it has a weird Christian parallel. Case in point, The Real Housewives of the Bible.
Ty Adams, the CEO of the Heaven Network, is launching his own TV Housewives series. Here's how he describes it:
Because of the popularity of the reality shows we’ve seen of the other Real Housewives, I saw women that weren’t able to stabilize their own relationships, and we get to see this aired on screen and yet we don’t see any solutions as to the problems they’re facing. I want people to understand how it feels again to fall in love. I wanted to showcase women who are having issues in relationships just like you see on these reality shows because this is real life. We’re not afraid to face those tough issues and so we wanted to not necessarily pick the perfect person who had everything, we wanted to find the hard issues and see how people work this out where you can really grasp the essence of what love and true love in relationships is.
So, that. I'm sure you will all excitedly tune into the premiere. And since I know you were wondering, yes, there is at least one known instance of Real Housewives porn. This May, Bravo reportedly accused the owners of RealHousewivesOfScottsdale.com of sullying their good name. Personally, I'd be more pissed off if I was Arizona — famous for its racists, old people, racist old people, and apparently, for porn.
Commentarium (14 Comments)
The only true happiness comes from the god of our fathers, Mammon.
And sweet sweet ass-gaping porn.
It's the same thing.
+1, +1 and +1
THANK YOU BASED PREVIOUSPOSTERS
Oh lord, please save us from the Christians.
... And while you’re at it, can you give us more porn?
The "Real Housewives" on those shows aren't troubled because they can't find true love. They're troubled because they are vapid self-absorbed bitches with too much time and money on their hands.
There is nothing new under the sun. People had problems with relationships 3000 years ago just like they do now.
I don't think the Heaven Network is in my area code. We're heathen
It might be interesting to see if they are any more functional then the nutcakes they usually showcase.
So if one of these housewives adorns herself with gold--earrings, necklace, wedding ring--do the others stone her to death, as commanded by the Bible?
That would probably get pretty good ratings.
I'm confused by this. "...just like you see on these reality shows because this is real life"? If we're already seeing it, why do we need to see it again? (Aside from why do we need to see it at all?)
A reasonable and honest question which I'll bet gets an unreasonable and dishonest answer on the show. Is it possible that a show with "Christian" in its title on the "Heaven network" might solve every problem with prayer? Might we get poked in the eye with fundie wisdom if we watch? D'ya think?
I can tell right now that this is going to be a smash hit! Oh my eff. I bet one of them boffs the Pastor/Priest/Reverend/etc by the end of the first episode.