Expensive British study unlocks secret to a happy relationship

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Young couple embracing.

It only took thousands of years and $79.5 million, but we've finally found the formula to a perfect relationship. Thanks to Britain's long-term Understanding Society study, couples can now follow these easy guidelines to ensure a happy relationship:

[The study] showed older couples were less content than their younger counterparts, with women experiencing a greater decline in happiness than men. Researchers discovered couples who had been together for less than five years were more likely to see their happiness blossom than those in a longer-term relationship. The taxpayer-funded study… found married couples were happier than their cohabiting peers. Relationships in which both partners had a university education were also more likely to see their happiness prosper. … But throwing a child into the mix is likely to disrupt the romantic idyll — researchers found couples with pre-school children were the unhappiest, but became happier as their youngest child grew up. … Unemployment has a negative impact on the amount of satisfaction a relationship can bring a man but while income did not affect male happiness in a relationship, it proved "mildly important" for women.

Okay! Everybody got that? To review, you and your partner must be young, married, educated, childless, employed, and not together for too long to be happy. That $79.5 million was worth every penny.