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FBI discipline records leak, revealing hilarious indiscretions

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CNN just got ahold of the last three years of FBI discipline reports, and the contents are both titillating and totally unsurprising: turns out FBI agents are just as carelessly sex-hungry as the rest of us. One made a sex tape with his girlfriend, then blackmailed her with it. One brought strippers to work. A third watched porn and masturbated in his office, but who doesn't do that? (Result: a thirty-five day suspension. But think of all the masturbating you could accomplish in thirty-five days! Silver lining!)

More good shit: one employee went to a strip club and claimed he was conducting an official investigation, which sounds like a good premise for a terrible Adam Sandler movie. And another searched FBI records for dirt on attractive celebrities. (Kevin James will take that part.) Yet another videotaped a female coworker changing in the bathroom, which… actually, that's probably not that funny, even if it sounds like just the role for David Spade or Rob Schneider. You can read the entire leaked report here and get to work on that spec screenplay.