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Florida becomes the thirty first state to outlaw bestiality

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Here's a fun fact about our country that sent a chill down my spine: only thirty of our fifty fine states have laws against bestiality. Thirty-one, actually, now that Florida has finally passed its long-awaited anti-bestiality bill. The House has been mulling over bill since 2007 when some poor family's pregnant pet goat was raped and accidentally killed via asphyxiation. I would make a joke about kinks, but really a sentence containing the words "pregnant," "pet," and "asphyxiation" is no laughing matter.

The bill states that any form of touching, rubbing, or penetrating on the part of the human towards the animal is grounds for a first-degree misdemeanor charge. The thirty other states with laws against bestiality are split half and half on whether it's viewed as a misdemeanor like Florida, or a felony. On the felony side we have Massachusetts (the original state in which "buggery" was outlawed in this country), Arizona, Georgia, and Washington, just to name a few; on the misdemeanors team are New York, California, Maine, and Utah, among others.

I know you're all curious about which states in our one nation under God have not yet gotten around to outlawing such an upsetting practice. I'm going only going to reveal one, and that's just because it's an extremely difficult area to bum-rush with pitchforks and torches: Hawaii. Happy scape-goating!