"Fully functional" sexbots will soon hit the market

In an unprecedented boon for late-night comics and bloggers like me, a forty-seven-year old West Virginia construction worker/inventor named Scott Maclean has spent well into six figures since 2004 developing "fully functional" sex dolls, and his efforts are about to bear fruit. Two models, "Harry Harddrive" and "Suzie Software," will soon be available for around $12,000.

At the same time, a forty-eight-year old New Jersey man named Douglas Hines has also developed a "fully functional" sex doll named Roxxxy, who can speak and is also capable of "simulating an orgasm." (This may be the definition of "faking it.") In a twist too staggeringly ghoulish to make up, Hines says he based Roxxxy's personality on that of a friend who died in the 9/11 attacks. We should all be memorialized thus. Meanwhile, Maclean's low-budget website is a goldmine of weirdness and comedy, a nugget of which I've embedded below. Be sure to check out the merchandise page, which offers a t-shirt with the slogan "If you turn them on they WILL turn you on." I initially read this as "If you turn them on they will turn on you," but maybe I've just watched Terminator too many times.

Mr. Maclean is currently seeking an actress to have sex with Mr. Harddrive on camera as a demonstration, so female readers, don't say we're not looking out for you. More on these sex robots as they become sentient and vow to destroy us all.

Commentarium (13 Comments)

Nov 18 10 - 9:18pm

The doll in the picture at the top looks like a Tina Tranny doll.

Nov 18 10 - 10:25pm

All well and good, but for the hedonistic among us are they self-lubricating?

Nov 19 10 - 2:01am

With women having their vibrators, and men soon to have fully functional sex dolls, this may be an unforeseen way to mitigate the population explosion. Weird.

Nov 19 10 - 3:43am
J. Christofferson

"Put it in a normal home." What home isnt "normal" without a 40lb robotic fuck machine?

Nov 19 10 - 4:43am

That is awesome! The stuff that he says...

We've got unisex, but I am afraid to use the word.

Oh, and that fuck doll could be a watch dog as well.

Nov 19 10 - 11:53am

I don't even want to imagine the testing process...

Nov 19 10 - 12:41pm

Is it just me, or does this guy sound exactly like Danny McBride?

Nov 19 10 - 12:58pm

Oh my God, this is the role McBride was born to play!

Nov 19 10 - 1:07pm

Aw. Poor thing, he put her in mom jeans.

Nov 19 10 - 4:20pm

I just about lost it when he said that it can be a surveillance bot and then again when he said it won't go to sleep.

Nov 19 10 - 4:28pm

I'm rarely at a loss for words, but sex toy/watch dog has me flummoxed.

Mar 17 11 - 11:39am
Sam L

As soon as the technology is available, I'm TOTALLY downloading my brain into one of those things.