Harlem man posts hilarious “personal ads” on phone booths across town

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Forget Craigslist, Grindr, and all those other high-tech dating methods: forty-year-old Harlem resident Malik Turner has decided that to find romance (while avoiding “hookers, she-males, transsexuals, transvestites"), his best bet is that most old-school of social-networking devices: the payphone. On his quest, not so much for love but for a “casual and promiscuous” relationship, Turner has taken to posting hand-written fliers on pay phones around the city, like some sort of analog Craigslist personal ad. He explains

I go to nightclubs, but it's hard for me to find a woman of my own. I talk to them, dance with them, but sometimes I don't get their cell phone numbers.”

But let’s get one thing straight: Turner, who enjoys fanny packs, Atlantic City, and the color red, is anything but desperate. No, this is a man who knows what he wants, specifying his desire for a woman who is “big-chested, curvy, leggy, voluptuous (NOT FAT)” and “willing to take turns paying on date (NO GOLDDIGGERS!!!!!),” adding, “I’m not interested in anything else.”      

Oh, and he also lives with his mother and needs an open-minded woman who’s “into 3-somes – 2 girls 1 guy” and “4-somes, 3 girls, 1 guy.” Ladies, start lining up! Unless you’re a fat gold digger, that is.   ad