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Harlequin attempts to patent the act of kissing

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Harlequin, publisher of all those Fabio-covered romance novels, is attempting to patent the act of kissing. You know, that thing you do when you press your lips up against someone else's? Yeah, that. Here, in highly technical terms is exactly what they're trying to patent:

In the first step, called "The Prelude," kissers "deploy the muscle around the mouth … to shape their lips in a manner conducive to kissing." Step 2 involves "The Approach," where couples bring their faces into "close proximity" while Step 3, or "The Seal," occurs when lips touch with "varying degrees of pressure and intensity." The lips may then "remain attached for an indeterminate period of time."

You'd think they'd want to trademark "heaving bosoms" or "quivering members" or something a little more cheese-tastic than a clinical three-pronged approach to making out. This is the publisher of such esteemed titles as Roughneck Cowboy and The Nanny and the CEO after all.
 
If the patent does go through (which seems highly unlikely, because um it's kissing) Harlequin promises to keep the act within the public domain, so you can continue to smooch away for free.